[By Sarah Juliusson, whose dear friends forced her to take a bubble bath today, fed her chocolate and cheese, and took her laundry home with them.]

Friendships are a complex thing. We hold them dear as confidants, co-conspirators, and collaborators as we go through life. There are friends who are simply a wonderful part of our lives, with whom we laugh and go on adventures and share ideas and resources. Then there are the few and far between friends with whom we not only laugh but also get to cry, who share in our beauty alongside our times of sadness, anger, and fear. We should all have at least one good friend like that. The lucky among us have several.

Troubled Times

When life is good, it is easy to be connected to our friends. When life is hard, too often we withdraw from our circle of friends. We retreat into our small world, the one where nobody else has to witness the messy part of who we are. Perhaps we fear judgment, believe that we should be able to handle it on our own, or simply feel discomfort with sharing the messiness. Even when someone reaches out to us, there may be a resistance that holds us back from sharing beyond the surface.

Magic Moments

Then there are the magic moments when we allow ourselves to open up to dear friends in ways that perhaps we haven’t before. The tears flow, we blow our noses with a loud honk, and in an instant that friendship is transformed. That friendship is then given the opportunity to deepen and we learn a new way of being together.

The friends we trust in this way get to witness and love all of us, including the parts that involve snot and tears. They are able to listen with an open heart—no judgment, no interrupting with a quick fix, and no telling us to stop crying. They know when to comfort with a hug and chocolate, when to silently hold us and listen, when to share words of wisdom, and when to simply run a hot bath with bubbles and make us get in. A friend of this depth can gently guide us from despair to a place of perspective and options.

Authentic Friendship

Reflecting on your own circle of friends, what is it that allows you to go deeper with some? What are the qualities in a friend that create for you that sense of safety and connection? Consider also those friends in your life who have allowed you the privilege of seeing beyond the surface. How does it feel for you when you are that trusted friend?

What an honor it is to be invited into the whole of our friends’ lives, snot and all. When we close ourselves off, we are losing the opportunity for authentic connection. Taking the risk and opening ourselves in new ways can bring us not only the support we need in that moment, but also a friendship that now has an invitation to grow. So go ahead—invite a friend in—and let the magic of an authentic friendship begin.

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Photo courtesy of ajusticenetwork