The elusive topic of “what women want,” has long evaded psychologists, behaviorists, anthropologists, and ordinary members of either sex for centuries. In a recent New York Times article, contributing writer Daniel Bergner tries to explore the subject by examining several modern day sexologists and their experiments, theories, and discoveries.

Chivers and Her Videos

Meredith Chivers, a psychology professor and sexual researcher, has recently studied the levels of arousal among men and women of both homosexual and heterosexual orientation while they watched a variety of erotic videos. Though a highly-regarded member among the small canon of female sexologists “devoted to comprehending female desire,” Chivers is certainly not the first to take the question, “What do women want?” to a scientific level. 1929, Katharine Bement Davis surveyed the sexual experiences of over 2,000 women. Seventy years later, the desires of women are still baffling.

Bergner touches on several important points in his article. In her study, Chivers measured arousal both objectively and subjectively. That is, she measured physical changes in the genitals as the subjects were aroused, but also let the participants rate their own levels of arousal. In men, both gay and straight, the participants’ “minds and genitals were in agreement,” though the female subjects were all over the charts.

Women were aroused more quickly and easily, though they didn’t always admit it (or perhaps even realize it). Do we, as women, know what we want? Or has society simply taught us to be inhibited in our desires?

Perhaps one reason that the question has yet to be answered is because women don’t know what women want.

Even Women Don’t Know What Women Want?

Bergner suggests that it may be more difficult for women to understand their own desires because they grow up with a “dimmer awareness of the erotic messages of their genitals.” After all, as Chivers has explained, a man’s penis is external, and “its reactions [are] more readily perceived.” On the other hand, Marta Meana, an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, views this difference as an inherent biological signal of lust. Men, when aroused, are visibly so; however, a woman looks the same whether aroused or not, and thus the female body holds an everlasting of promise or suggestion of sex.

Chivers posits that the reasons behind the distance between women’s subjective and objective levels of arousal may lie beyond the boundaries of sex; among other reasons, the disconnection may be caused by women’s negative feelings about their own bodies. In fact, Meana might agree with this suggestion, as she believes that “for women, being desired is the orgasm.”

University of Utah professor Lisa Diamond explains that women possess more “sexual fluidity” than men, and that desire is dictated more by emotional connection than by physical attraction. All of these theories and studies suggest that it is important for women to try to understand their bodies, their feelings, and, most importantly, their desires.

Don’t Be Afraid to Experiment

Being dissatisfied with your body might have an impact on your sex drive; likewise, a dull sex life might be ignited by a sense of carnal craving on your partner’s side. Most importantly, women should listen to their biological urges. Diamond’s description of sexual fluidity supports Chivers’ findings of women being quickly aroused by men with men, women with women, or men with women, despite labeling themselves as strictly “straight” or “lesbian.” Women are intricately passionate creatures who strive for both physical passion and emotional connection. So don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner…or to give in to your wildest fantasies.

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