What promise did you keep that changed your life?
Daily | August 21st, 2008
Sometimes a promise is like a lightbulb that goes off in your being, “I will not…” “I will do…” Sometimes it’s like a sprout that cracks through the soil to say that things are now new and they’re going to grow in the right direction. Any way a promise is declared, sticking to it can make very big things happen.
Carrie says: When I finally decided that I wanted more than a fling or to “just date,” I made a promise to myself to be intimate spiritually and emotionally with someone, before physically. It worked. By the time my now-husband and I “hooked up” it was a done deal. I knew I was going to marry him.
Danielle says: I promised myself that I’d never do another publicity campaign for someone else’s book. I couldn’t help one more client bring their ideas to market, while my creativity was relegated to my notebook. And if I called one more producer or editor to pitch someone else’s big thinking – I was going to lose my mind. I got offers for big gigs. We needed to pay the rent. And praise God and Buddha and all of them, Carrie helped me keep my promise. “Don’t do it D, we can make something bigger happen.” And that opened the door for Style Statement to be written. Within a matter of weeks we had the book proposal outlinedBig Style Statement announcements you’ll want to hear! Read the highlights of our recent survey!
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August 21st, 2008 at 1:24 am
I was 20, having dropped out of a university course that was totally wrong for me, and living with my ‘best friend’ – with whom i had a completely toxic relationship – working long hours in a shit job and slowly going more and more in debt.
And one day i just thought ‘The time has come, the Walrus said’ (which is from The Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.)
It didn’t make everything perfect over night, but I moved out, cut the friendship dead, (thus changing it forever), and promised myself to always be aware that though working at things is important, sometime Enough is Enough.
This has held me in good stead, and since then has given me the courage to get out of a career that was slowly eatting me alive, and actually ask for help when I need it.
i see now it’s the first step to fixing things. whatever they maybe. It is a promise to change things, no matter how impossible that may seem at the time.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:38 am
I have always promised myself that I would live a life of no regrets.
I not too long ago turned 40 and realized that the goal I’d set of getting out of corporate marketing at 35 to pursue making the world a better place had not happened because I was still waiting for that big, perfect, passionate right idea to hit me.
I was making great money, bought two houses, was in a horrendous non-relationship at work, was working and traveling to the point that I made 1K on two airlines but was convincing myself this was “fun”.
So at age 41, I quit, moved to Europe, did pro-bono consulting for one of the biggest NGO’s there and 1 year later am now back starting my own business putting that experience to work.
I have no idea where this will take me but I have started to realize in the process that my passion is motivating people and change.
As of today, I still have no regrets!!
August 21st, 2008 at 3:50 am
I respect your conviction and bravery so much, Kelli! I am about to turn 40 and am working in corporate hell. I cannot look at another speadsheet, business plan, or even sales report. I think I have more to offer the world and I am praying to learn what direction to take. Your words are encouraging!
August 21st, 2008 at 3:57 am
At age of 18 i made a decision to be in charge of the way i feel,this moment of decision is still alive im me today and dramaticly shifted the way i kuve my life and keep me above water in dificulte times. part of it was to heal my realationship with my mother- it took some time about 7 years of knowing that she did her best but without being ablt to truly forgive and let go of the anger and blame, after 7 years i woked up one day and i knwe it’s done – no anger-nothing- today we are in great connection she is a wonderful person . forgiving her is one of the best gifts i gave myself. bless her.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:06 am
Promises, schmomises. In my twenties, a respected professor said, “Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. If you promise to do something, DO IT!”
At that juncture in my life, I wasn’t very assertive. I was a “yes” girl. THINKING before answering and the promise to myself to not make a promise I couldn’t keep helped me not only in my career but in my personal life as well: My husband and I are celebrating 27 years of wedded bliss this year. I spent 30 years in the court reporting profession and am proud to say I never missed a deadline.
Thank you Professor Derr.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:10 am
I grew up in a midwestern American city amid wheat fields and huge skies. From a young age, I wanted more. In my pink Hello Kitty diary, at age 6, I wrote that I want to wake up every day and be excited about where I am. I had no idea how profound these words would be, but since leaving high school 16 years ago I’ve lived in three US cities and five countries. I am so grateful for my inherent yearning to live among the discomfort and magic of far, far away.
August 21st, 2008 at 4:13 am
Love this, Kelli! Huge respect to you for getting out there and doing it! We only live once, and it’s the buzz and the juicy bits that give us stories to tell. Best of luck with the new business, and since you’ve put it out there it’s only a matter of time before everything falls into place. Big love to you.
August 21st, 2008 at 5:26 am
Live a balanced life. I LOVE to give, however, you CAN give TOO much… So I decided to become more balanced and made a promise to mysef to do so – balanced in thought,word, deed, physically, mentally and spiritually… I’m still figuring it out, but I do take weekly 2 hr baths, and expand my mind with reading, the house is up ( I am an at home wife and mother of 3), and I’m NOT totally responsible for the house… I also attend to my body with exercise and my spirit with study. How did balance change me, I’m a happier person, and I feel free to express my opinion… And b/c I am becoming more balanced my marriage and family life are happier.
August 21st, 2008 at 5:28 am
BONJOUR!!
Well, I have to say that I have never made a life-changing promise.That is not to say that I have aleays kept what promises i have made, because I never go out on a limb and make a commitment I can’t keep. I can and will keep to myself anything anyone will tell me in confidence. For as long as that person wants me to. But I must admit I have never made a promise that has changed my life. I am very interested in hearing from everyone else..
Cécile
August 21st, 2008 at 5:44 am
the answer is in the only promise i’ve ever made, to commit to a life-long relationship (marry) my husband. the “simple” act of staying present through all the ups and downs lefts and rights for 17 years thus far proves every day to be life transforming and defining. sometimes its not pretty, fun or a dream come true but keeping my promise to be a partner to him has always been a source of self-knowing and thus growth.
August 21st, 2008 at 5:57 am
About 4 years ago I realized that I was not being honest with myself about my life and the direction I was headed. I kept thinking about Shakespeare’s Hamlet and about being true to one’s own self above all else. There is a jewelry store that had opened up and I’d been wanting to stop in, and “it just so happened” that one after noon the title company I was doing a closing with was next to this jeweler. I had some time to wander in and look around. Those words popped into my head “Above all else, to thine own self be true…” I thought about the fact that when I got married, a ring was placed on my left hand to represent the oath I had taken. That day I took an new oath and promised myself that from then on, I would be true to myself. I bought a band with 10 channel set diamonds which equaled a carat all together, and placed this ring on the ring finger of my right hand (this is considered the oath hand or the covenant hand – you know, raise your right hand and swear an oath). This is not a one time deal, but one that I choose to keep everyday. I am still learning what being true to ones self means, so I keep my promise to myself the best I can, and when I discover that I made a choice that was not being true, I forgive myself for my mistake and remember the lesson. I can not put into words how this has changed my life for the better. I have a new sense of Being that is indescribable.
August 21st, 2008 at 5:59 am
In my mid-twenties, I promised myself to stop doing things that made me angry. That promise keeps me from living under the rule of other people’s expectations. My promise allows me to listen and trust my gut, even if I didn’t have a logical, reasonable explanation.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:06 am
I’m a 80% head, 20% heart kind of girl, which generally works pretty well for me. But I once promised myself that when my heart is SCREAMING to be heard, that I need to listen to it instead of the calm but persistent voice of my head. Every time it happens, it changes my life.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:33 am
my promise to stay with my husband forever. such an easy promise to keep, it almost seems unfair to count it in this category. but certainly life changing.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:36 am
One promise that I made to myself in my 30’s that changed my life was to become radically honest.
With myself first,getting to the real nitty gritty on my needs,boundaries, my health,family. Seeing things for what they really are and not convincing myself of different truths.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:44 am
My idolized 5th grade teacher, Miss Natalie Boaz, told me much the same thing–she said, “Karen, don’t say you’re going to do something, just do it!” It has made a huge difference in my life, as I tend not to overpromise and underdeliver this way. Keeping it real…thanks to Miss Boaz!
August 21st, 2008 at 7:00 am
Daniele and Carry,
It was “a good thing” that you two in unison, made a promise and kept it. Look at how may lives you have made an impact upon. A marvelous decision that has made many happy. A true brainstorm!
Merci mille!
Cécile
August 21st, 2008 at 7:04 am
What follows is a bit of a stream-of-consciousness answer. Summary? Seconding what Colette said, and learning to cherish myself.
For those curious about more…
I connect with Colette’s answer, and I LOVE the idea of placing a ring on your oath hand to commemorate your promise, remind you of it, and give you something tangible–a wearable touchstone–to keep that promise present. I too have promised to seek out, learn about, and honor my real self–my style statement session with Danielle in January was one of my first steps in that direction. It’s been a rocky road, and forced me to confront some questions that, frankly, were kind of uncomfortable–admitting what I did and did not want out of my career, owning up to what I did and did not believe in (as far as what’s required in a day-to-day get-ahead-on-the-corporate-ladder world), and acting according to my beliefs and values, even if it meant jeopardizing my job (I turned in a supervisor for verbal abuse harassment). It’s been scary, difficult, and immensely vital to letting ME shine through. My 80% word is Cherished–and I’m realizing that above all else I must cherish myself and my values and my real-ness (very Velveteen Rabbit, no?) in order to be the light I want to be in the world.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:04 am
Count me in as a life changed, and gratitude emanating on a daily basis.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:06 am
Kudos, Tracy. Allowing the heart to win out over the cool, practical logic of the head can be really frightening sometimes–it so often leads to a much more unknown place than following the head, doesn’t it? But I agree–when it’s screaming, it’s because there’s a major life change ahead. Kudos for acknowledging it and following it.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:07 am
Gah! Sorry for the error on your name, Trac*I*, not Tracy. (I haven’t had my English Breakfast tea yet.)
August 21st, 2008 at 7:08 am
I refer to your response in my answer, Colette, but as a more general comment, I really look forward to your perspectives on each Q&A. I enjoy hearing about the way you see things, and it often illuminates an aspect or idea for me.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:13 am
That’s amazing–I’m very much a “close to the family, staying put” personality, but I love hearing about the experiences of those who have really ventured away from their comfort zone with their choice of living spaces. I imagine you must have many diaries (perhaps not all Hello Kitty nowadays) filled with adventures stemming from that 6-year-old’s vision. Awesome.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:04 am
I can’t say that this changed MY life, but when my daughter was old enough to understand the words, I made a promise to her that I would never break a promise…
August 21st, 2008 at 8:11 am
I promised myself that I would leave an abusive relationship. After years of abuse it was no longer about the person who was hurting me, it was about me. What in the world was wrong with me that I would allow this.
One day I just did it. I left and never looked back. As soon as I freed myself from this relationship I found my soulmate and we’ve been happily married for 10 years.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:12 am
I am in love with the idea of living an ‘authentic life’ and choosing a ring to wear as a reminder resonates with me.. thanks for sharing this.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:14 am
inspiring!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:15 am
This is about as close a response as I could make too and the first thing I thought of when I read the question. “Above all else, to thine own self be true.” This was my mantra while I was going through my divorce and has been a point of reference for me ever since. I haven’t formalized it with a ring though. I like that little touch.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:16 am
i love how you group ‘discomfort and magic’ together… that’s so wise!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:16 am
I made a promise that I would never sell out my integrity or pass off a personal responsibility to someone else. I’d always step up and defend those who are weak, fragile, or feeble. Contribute to those in need. And leave more value behind me when I depart, than what I cost while I was here. And, to really have fun while doing it.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:18 am
I promised to quit smoking – and I did!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:19 am
this is so great because i think people (women especially?) tend to suppress anger, to push it aside, to ‘be nice’ and act as though we’re happy when sometimes, damnit, we’re not!
i think this is a very emotionally healthy promise!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:19 am
Whenever I get angry, not just miffed, but guns-blazing angry, I allow myself to feel the emotion and then do a lot of digging to discover the root of that emotion. It can sometimes take a while to sort through, however, it has proven to be a very illuminating process and has led to many ‘aha moments’ that have brought peace and understanding with it.
I too do my best to follow my instincts. They’ve never let me down.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:19 am
right on!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:21 am
Thank you for the honor of your response both here and on your own post.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:25 am
Amen. I too spend way too much time in my head and not enough time in my heart. Sometimes I have to work pretty hard at ceasing all the monkey chatter in my head. It can be very distracting and often total nonsense.
A promise I’ve made to myself is to Not Assume Anything. I’ve discovered that it’s a biggie in relationships. I can come up with all kinds of reasons why “He” didn’t call when he said he would. The truth is usually much more mundane and reasonable than what I will dream up.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:27 am
i’d been married for a decade, but it wasnt til our vow renewal ceremony 2 years ago that my love actually expanded into the fullness of commitment. knowing what we’d already made it through made it so much more powerful of a ceremony than the wedding 10 years before – it really sunk in, i embodied the truth: i’m in this for life. all the way. for real.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am
Beautiful, courageous, and inspiring. If I won’t cherish me, who will? Thank you.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am
Ooohh…I love this! Kudos to you!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:32 am
my promise to myself: to define and communicate my personal boundaries.
i reached a point in my life a few years ago where i was burning out from taking on too much of other people’s stuff… their needs and wants before my own. i learned this from my mother. she gives and gives and gives of her time & self & resources, and it’s not healthy.
she doesn’t take good enough care of herself. she can’t say no.
and it’s not empowering the way a life of service could be, when someone is consciously deciding to give of themselves.
my wise friend lisa told me at the time that if someone didn’t appreciate something i was doing for them, then that was my permission to stop.
a combination of all of these things made me realize i had absolutely no personal boundaries.
it was a scary moment of realization. i felt very vulnerable. when you don’t set and communicate your own boundaries, you are vulnerable to the wishes and whims of those around you.
i found a worksheet on oprah’s website and it was so simple: you just had to fill in the blanks on several open-ended questions like ‘no one is allowed to …’ or ‘these aspects of my life are private: …’
i took responsibility and defined and communicated my own personal boundaries.
it was COMPLETELY EMPOWERING, just to realize i could say NO.
not for the sake of saying no, but to take back the ability to say YES to myself.
it was an extremely liberating and empowering experience, and it continues in my life to this day.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:42 am
About 4 months ago i promised my family and my self to live a sober lifestyle. This has changed our lives dramaticly. It was and still is the best thing i have ever done for myself. And it is a promise i will never break.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:43 am
I relate to Carrie as I also had come to the realization that moving quickly with men was not serving me well. As soon as I made the decision, I suddenly began to be ‘real’ with my dates and myself and ended up meeting my soulmate. He was also wanting to take it slow and our dating and getting to know one another was really inspiring and fulfilling for me. By the time we sealed the deal, we both knew that we wanted this.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:45 am
After smoking cigarettes for over half of my life, I stopped “pausing” smoking and quit. My last cigarette was February 14th, 2006. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever committed to doing. It took me about 7 years to quit. I didn’t have any idea how much my confidence would increase when I did. It’s one of my greatest accomplishments. And, even when there are moments that I’m tempted, it passes. It always will.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:46 am
Thank you all for your replies. I am grateful this is an inspiration. The ring I picked out has specific meaning as well, in and of it’self. The diamonds are flawless and near colorless and are considered “perfect” to remind me the I am perfect just as I am. I chose Diamonds because they are this girl’s best friend! I also chose Diamonds because they have fire inside them – like me, and they glitter in the light, reflecting radiance and beauty, which is what I always strive to do. When the light is caught by the stones, it always catches my attention. Because I want to always wear this ring, I also chose a .51 mil comfort band. Because I was at the title company when it opened at 9am and things weren’t ready, and I could not go too far away, I spent most of the day looking and thinking about what I wanted for the ring I was choosing to commit myself to me. I even had a little ceremony for myself, quoted Shakespeare – the entire quote, as I put the ring on me, and then took myself out to dinner! Ya, I’m a dork….
August 21st, 2008 at 9:00 am
You are welcome.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:01 am
Thanks!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:03 am
I promised myself that I would quit smoking on 07/07/07 – and I did. It was just a week before that date when so many people were talking about it being the luckiest day of the year, hundreds of couples were getting married on that date, etc. I decided that I was going to make that date special for me – and the best thing I could do for myself was quit this mind numbing addictive habit that I had. So I quit. No patches, no gum, no decreasing, no nothing, I just quit and I haven’t broken that promise. As far as I’m concerned, I never will break that promise. It’s been over a year now.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:04 am
Interesting – I didn’t even read the responses before I posted and I’m right after you. Congratulations!!!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:05 am
I went to law school and got an articling job at a boutique commercial litigation firm. Then I had problems with the Law Society, primarily due to a misspent youth. After about 10 months of delays I had decided that I did not want to practice law, and when my lawyer said that the delays could take 2 more years to resolve (and they did! in my favor, though) I lost my job.
I promised myself that I would NEVER wear pantyhose or a suit EVER again. I IMMEDIATELY donated all 22 of my black suit separates to charity, just so I would not lose my resolve.
I also promised myself that I would not go back to school. I would fend for myself using whatever skills I had – this meant retail, or working in construction for my now-husband (I tried that for a while, and I think I was the worlds smallest pipelayer, and it did not work out so well because every time he would get mad at me I would just threaten him with NO MORE SEX), or it meant using what I had learned in law school and while I was articling, and marketing myself as a researcher.
I ended up working as a researcher at a securities law firm, and from there I worked my way up to compliance and disclosure; now I work as a regulatory advisor and technical writer, and most of the time I am actually writing the reports I used to merely critique. Best of all, I do not make much less money than I would have as a lawyer, I do not have to pay professional dues, I can work part time, and I can wear WHATEVER I WANT!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:06 am
Loving Lisa’s comment – If someone doesn’t appreciate something I’m doing for them, it’s permission to stop. That’s HUGE. Isn’t it shocking how people can suck the life out of us, taking and taking and taking without adding anything to our lives. And more shocking that we allow it for so long. “No” is so empowering, isn’t it?
August 21st, 2008 at 9:06 am
That is a wonderful thing for you to do for yourself. Bravo!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:08 am
Awesome!! I did that same thing. SOOOO Worth it!!!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:08 am
I am having a lot of trouble with this question. I’ve done so many things in my life that have changed it – went to university to fulfill my life’s dream of becoming a social worker. I was 41 years old when I went to school, 46 when I graduated with a BSW.
I’m recovering from a multitude of addictions including nicotine addiction, which was the most difficult of all to surrender. I haven’t had one of those filthy ’sticks’ in my mouth for 11 years. And I thought I’d die with a cigarette in my mouth.
I became a Master Gardener in my early 60s and am now the group’s coordinator.
I started a little theatre group years ago with a friend and we put on a Western melodrama. We approached the town council for money to pay for what we needed.
But I am not aware of a promise I made that changed my life.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:11 am
Welcome to clean smelling breath and hair, not to mention clothes – from one recovering smoker to another.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:19 am
YES! it was exactly what i needed to hear. and i had to examine my own motives and truly look at what i was getting out of these give-give-give situations. i realized i hadn’t felt worthy of saying no (that their needs were somehow more important than my own); that i was afraid of conflict; and that it was based in some insecurity… that if i did this or that for someone they would like me (or like me more.)
so it’s important to look at the role you’re playing in these situations.
and then say no anyway, LOL.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:21 am
Colette, what is a comfort band?
I, with the others who have responded to your post, LOVE the idea of wearing a ring which is a commitment to being true to myself.
Thank you SO much for sharing.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:21 am
In high school, I had a teacher who taught from her experience not must from the book. My first ever promise to myself was to learn to do that…inspire people to go do and be what imspired them…not just read about it. In order to keep the first promise, I had to make myself a second promise that came right after college. Having stumbled my way through with very little drive or conviction, I bought a 1-way ticket to Paris. I promised myself that I would not come home until I had ‘captured the language’. I had never had an independent thought in my entire life up to that point and I vowed that I would learn who I was, find my voice, and make best friends with myself. It was both the best and worst years of my life. I needed to run away from home and leave the nest; working as a live-in maid made that possible. That promise fueled a 20+ year career in the classroom as a French teacher. Today I continue to love and live that promise out by working with people who want to go and be their most inspiring selves.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:23 am
Since I began trusting my instincts or my intuition as I call it, I have learned how 100% reliable my intuition is. I trust it and by so doing trust myself. Such a wondrous change from the first third of my life when I didn’t even KNOW what I was feeling and I certainly didn’t trust myself.
Thank you, Carolynn
August 21st, 2008 at 9:25 am
You and I have been on similar paths, sister.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:27 am
May I offer you my delight in reading your post?
I see a promise to pursue your dream of earning a BSW.
I see a promise to find freedom from a habit that doesn’t serve you.
I see a promise to share a love of nature with kindred MG spirits.
I see a promise to explore acting and invite others to participate.
Wow! What a lovely string of promise pearls on your life’s thread!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:28 am
you said so much more, but here’s to no pantyhose.
i also say no to heels.
life’s too short!
August 21st, 2008 at 9:31 am
Joannie, my mother’s recently become a Master Gardener and that in itself is a promise – you’re cultivating something beautiful, and promising to make the world a more gloriously colorful, oxygen-filled, calming place. The volunteering you do as a Master Gardener is a promise that can’t be discounted. And overcoming addiction is mammoth promise. And hugely admirable.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:33 am
down with the pantyhose!
August 21st, 2008 at 10:03 am
Congrats to you, too, Kristin! It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. Keep up the good work and the nicotine free body!
August 21st, 2008 at 10:27 am
“I think business practices would improve immeasurably if they were guided by “feminine principles and qualities like love, care and intuition” Anita Roddick, The Body Shop.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:30 am
Danielle and I say ” your word is your wand”. Magic is created by honoring your promises.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:33 am
Seventeen year journey of growth, congrats!
August 21st, 2008 at 10:36 am
I promised that I’d always show and tell the people I love how much I love them no matter what.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:36 am
Colette, such a lovely promise you made to yourself and to have a symbol of that promise is powerful.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:39 am
Thank you Cecile, we feel blessed an honored everyday.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:41 am
I bow to you ladies.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:43 am
I bow to you too!!
August 21st, 2008 at 10:44 am
A little while ago I promised to put myself first. Ever since I have done that I have felt stronger and clearer about how I spend my life here on Earth.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:44 am
Pardon the interruption, but will you please explain to me what a Master Gardener is? I am very interested.
Cécile
August 21st, 2008 at 10:45 am
Bravo for finding your voice Sheri!
August 21st, 2008 at 10:47 am
I am literally on the floor… I wear neither PH nor high heels unless it’s an absolute necessity, and I will spend most of my time sitting.
Cécile
August 21st, 2008 at 10:56 am
Carrie, your promise resonated with me so strongly. It seems I have been procrastinating on making this same commitment to myself. You have articulated the importance of emotional and spiritual intimacy so well. This is the promise I need to make to myself, and the realization couldn’t have come at a better time – thank you so much for sharing!
August 21st, 2008 at 11:14 am
I made a promise to myself to quit my sales job in 2000 and find a way to merge my business and communication skills with my passion for sexual and reproductive health (SRH). I had sold stuff nobody really needs for 12 years. The job honed my communication, selling and speaking skills and even demanded I unearth my creative abilities. But it was my volunteer work in SRH (20 years worth) that gave me a sense of purpose the sales job never could. In March 2000 I took the leap and quit my job. I worked through The Artist’s Way, took a stand-up comedy course, found work as a sales/communication presenter, continued to do volunteer work and write about SRH; and- mostly-struggled financially and emotionally through my mid-life transition. Four years later, almost to the day, I started my job at a small SRH non-profit that demanded I use every skill I had, plus acquire a few more. I’m where I want to be, with a clear vision of what I want to accomplish.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:31 am
AMEN!!!!!
August 21st, 2008 at 11:35 am
re: comfort band. It is a style of band that is rounded on the edge – almost beveled and is tapered to fit ones finger with a bit of thickness at the bottom to keep the ring from turning upside down.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:37 am
One Joannie’s post I respond to her question about a comfort band.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:39 am
Me too!
August 21st, 2008 at 11:49 am
I am finding, like you and Kat, that there are many of us here who are walking the same road, turning over the same stones to find the same all revealing truths on the soft underside of ourselves we are scared to death to expose for fear we won’t like ourselves when we look, and so we’ve escaped delving into who we really are by taking care of any one but us. And when, by a wise friend like Lisa or a doctor such as mine, comes along and says what we need to hear for us to give ourselves permission to take care of us first, suddenly that soft underside doesn’t seem so daunting. And now, I happily skip through the day turning over stones, checking out the soft underside and giving me the once over in the mirror because I love what I see when I look.
August 21st, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Thank you Sheri! As I went about my day running errands, etc. I too thought of these things as promises, without my really being conscious of them that way. And, of course, the more I thought about my life the more promises I’ve made – without even knowing it.
Thank you for the beautiful image of the string of promise pearls! That’s how I’ll think of my life from now on.
August 21st, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I kept my promise to myself to go back to school to get my doctorate so I can continue to give back to my community.
I kept my promise to take risks and to live life to the fullest….I ran for Miss Fisk University didn’t think I had a chance of winning but became runner up…..I went skydiving last week even though I was scared as heck!!!
And everyday I continue to surprise myself at how bold and RISQUE’ I really am! One day soon, I’m going to be even riskier and Open the GENERATION HOPE mentoring center for innercity youth!!!
TO PUT GOD FIRST!!!!
TO LOVE MYSELF, THEN OTHERS!!! *I have to keep reminding myself*
August 21st, 2008 at 12:18 pm
It depends where you live. I live in Ontario, Canada so the requirements for being a Master Gardener are specific to my province as our local group is a member of the Provincial group.
If you are an American, becoming a MG would be different for you.
But I believe all MG have one goal – to help the home gardener with their gardening problems on a volunteer basis and with some specific educational requirements and number of volunteer hours per year.
August 21st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Joannie,
Thank you for your response. The purpose is truly noble and I am sure people like me would benefit trmendously from a MG’s advice!
Cécile
August 21st, 2008 at 1:20 pm
“monkey chatter.” I love that. It’s such a fitting description! I called mine “calm but persistent,” which it usually is, but I definitely have plenty of “monkey chatter” days too!
August 21st, 2008 at 1:22 pm
The single most dramatic and influential promise I have made to myself was to be responsible for my own happiness. I feel blessed that today I am celebrating my 26th wedding anniversary. Since I know so many wonderful people that have not been able to stay married so long, I never promised myself it would be forever, but rather that I would be committed to being happy in that marriage (not that the marriage should make me happy). Through all the glorious ups, and the unfortunate lows accepting responsibility for one’s own happiness has been my north star. This promise has also helped me to realize that although we can contribute to someone elses’ happiness we are ultimately not responsible for it, or own it.
August 21st, 2008 at 1:22 pm
No problem, Marissa. It happens more often than not. Plus I have 2 big sisters, Teri and Tami, so by now I’ll answer to nearly anything!
August 21st, 2008 at 1:23 pm
It’s where my ‘Cultivated Ease’ was born!
August 21st, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Your testimony has inspired me. At twenty-five years old, a newlywed and new mom, I worry that in some ways I’ve lost myself, that I’ve ran out of “me time” and as a stay-at-home mom I also worry that the world and its opportunities are passing me by as I clean house and nurture baby. You’ve reminded me that each season in our lives deserves dedication and nurturing. You’ve reminded me that life is about the journey and that it isn’t a race to be won but a rather a string of pearls to cherish. Thank you.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:04 pm
After reading through everyone’s awesome answers I went to type mine and realized that so far in my first twenty-five years of life, I have not made one single promise to myself. This very fact explains so much. I am a list maker, a dreamer, and i come up with great ideas but I lack the confidence and drive to follow thru. Somehow I never get from idea to action to result. Aaaaaaah! I have goals but promises?! This I will certainly reflect upon.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:48 pm
This is amazing. I did not know that about the ring finger of the right hand and now that I do it totally affects the ideas I have about a ring I want to have made for that very finger. An oath finger. Hmmm! that’s no frivolous thing is it? thank you for your posting.
August 21st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
That would have to be the day I got married to Bob. On sept 8 it will be 30 years. I used to feel rather envious of poeple who were married to their “soulmates” because it made marriage seem like some easy thing that was all moonlight and roses. We have had difficult weeks and years and months but we stuck it out through those times.
I have grown and learnt over all those years. The best times always came after struggles as we both changed and grew. The posting today here on “to thine own self be true” is part of how marriage happens. You can only respect yourself to the degree you respect another soul. Yes sometimes there is distance and mostly closeness. I think of the words of Kabul Gabrin (that is spelt wrongly AKA The Prophet) Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
Each marriage is a unique new universe. We love and adore each other AND irritate each other to bits sometimes. One of the great joys of midlife onwards is the ability to hold paradox.
Oh and I need to add it was a second marriage for both of us. My first marriage was violent and I hit back to physically defend myself. Nothing to be proud of. After I walked away with all the attendant feelings of shame and failure I came to a quiet place in myself: How did I contribute to this train wreck? The answers to that question probably contained a promise to myself not to repeat that learning again.
Real intimacy with another comes with the promise to value and respect another human soul as much as oneself. It is a dance and a journey.
August 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Last year I promised to stop abusing and neglecting myself. I’m not in my parent’s house anymore, and I don’t have to live by their rules or the example they set for me. I still struggle on some days, particularly when I uncover a previously repressed memory, yet I’m learning to celebrate the little victories that come with each small act of self-care.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:13 pm
I promised myself that when I had kids, I would be a totally excellent mother. I do heaps of stuff with my girls, and people are always commenting on how confident, articulate and happy they are – so I must be doing OK, I’m proud of them!
August 21st, 2008 at 6:31 pm
So true! I think some sadistic jerk invented pantyhose for the sole purpose of making flight attendants itchy and highly flammable. And when fashion designers realized that they could make a ton of money when women had to replace something practically EVERY TIME THEY WORE IT – because it snagged on something like a desk or a fingernail – as opposed to every season because it was too wide or narrow or short or long or plain or flowered or dotted or striped or flowy or stiff, they started a conspiracy to make the rest of us wear them too.
Needless to say, I have never worn pantyhose since, either. If I wear a skirt and it is cold, I wear boots!
(I am sort of with you guys on the heels thing… being short is kind of cute. However, if I really want to feel sexy I do have to wear them. I no longer need to feel sexy every single moment of every day. Cute is good enough most of the time.)
August 21st, 2008 at 6:34 pm
You cold promise yourself that you will think of a promise to make that will change your life… and then keep the promise.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I promised I’d never be like my mother.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:13 pm
You are so very welcome.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Two years ago I promised myself that I would always be there for me no matter what – I believe it’s called being your own best friend.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:19 pm
You are welcome Amanda, I found taking a stand for what you want is very attractive!
August 21st, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Katieh, your web site is so lovely and inspiring. One day I intend to spin, dye and knit in my studio by the water, thank you for reminding me of those desires.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Wonderfully said Sabrina.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I married myself on June 7, 2000. I made an engagement necklace I wore during the months prior as I planned my ceremony and had 2 identical leather wrist bands made custom by Northbound Leather for my wedding bands. I called in sick to a job I hated and prepared for a lovely day of meaningful solitude. The ceremony was private, on Toronto Island on a sandy beach. I wrote my vows, brought my stuffed bunny, Lui Lapin, as my witness, and danced to my wedding song on a walkman while I danced barefoot in the waves. My vows permit me to be married to anyone else I choose, so long as I always honour myself as the primary unconditional love of my life.
My song was “Baby, You’ve Got What It Takes” by Dinah Washington and..a guy whose name I don’t remember. I took pictures.
Like so many of us commenting here, I promised to put myself first. And as a result, I also promised to end toxic relationships and surround myself with people who love that I put myself first.
Life Changing Promises.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:48 am
When I married my first husband, I promised that I would keep life interesting. Evidently that is the only promise I kept, hence he became my ex-husband – so I suppose that did change my life!
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:59 am
Thank you for the kind words.
I would encourage you to start doing some of them now – knitting doesn’t need to take up alot of time or space, and can be crammed into the tiniest snatched moments. plus there is alot of support, information and inspiration out there.
of course you might be doing that already, but the ‘One Day’ aspect just made me want to encourage you to start working towards that ‘one day’ now if you can. since it’s the only way you’ll get there.
*hug*
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:41 am
what is Katieh’s web address?
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
When my first son was born, I took one look at him and promised I would never, no never, ever do anything for him that I might resent later. (My mother-in-law was one of those “after all I’ve done for you” moms.)
I very quickly realized what I intended as a gift to my son was really a gift to me ~ the gift of choice. I always have a choice, in every situation. Nobody “makes” me do anything.
And I have kept that promise: Everything I’ve done for my sons and others in my life has been my choice. I do not wear a necklace of resentment beads. I am light hearted.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:36 am
you’re absolutely right. thanks for the encouragement.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:40 am
I’m loving how you strived for excellence and not perfection. Congrats on raising confident, happy girls. A definite feat these days.
August 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I will always be proud that you are my sister. But best of all my best friend. You truely inspire me.
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I promised to be faithful to my husband.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:00 am
A few years ago one of my family thought they were protecting me by hurting my husband (emotionally). I realised then how precious my husband was and how my family really don’t know me at all but simply have an idea of who they want me to be.
I promised myself and my husband at that time that I wouldn’t let them hurt our relationship again.
Since then our relationship has improved dramatically and we got married. I now know how important he is to me, someone who loves me for who I am and will support me in my dreams. I feel so lucky every day that I met him.