What do you want to be thanked for?
Daily | July 10th, 2008
“Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” – Henry Ward Beecher
Carrie says: Like Danielle, I receive lots of thanks and I say thank you often. What irks me is the token reply, “No problem,” to my thank you. I want to be acknowledged with a “You’re welcome.” 
![Joy of Cooking](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743246268?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwcarrieandd-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0743246268\"><img border=\"0\" src=\"51h1pgF2csL._SL110_.jpg "Joy of Cooking")
Danielle says: I get plenty of thanks, so I feel full-up on that front. But because I loathe to cook…I desperately want my husband to worship me when I pull off something more than burritos. “Look! It’s a stroganoff! Aren’t I AMAZING? No really, am I Wonder Woman or what?!”
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July 10th, 2008 at 12:52 am
I find this question interesting. I was raised with the now nearly extinct “Southern Hospitality”. And always reminded how important thankfulness and gratitude are to humanity. Being thankful is ingrained into who I am. I appreciate being thanked.
I also believe doing things in expectation of a thank you is manipulation. I do not do anything just for a “thank you”. When I do something, I do it from my heart, for the need of the individual, because I want to give, even if it is not someone I am particularly close to or fond of. The feeling of doing something for the right reasons surpasses a “thank you” I would get for doing something for the wrong ones.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:13 am
To be appreciated for keeping the consistency within our home. And Carrie, I completely agree – and a ‘My pleasure’ works well, too.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:20 am
My simply “being” is something I am thankful for but harder to admit was the abundance in my life; I finally gained the guts to vocalize that thanks. The foregoing in mind, I have to say that most things I do are a product of the abundance of the blessings I have recieved, and thus, I have no major desire to receive thanks beyond the very kind consideration I already receive from literally everyone in my life.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:31 am
I like this question because it is so very real to me. It is one of the things that I can hear grumbling in the back of my mind a lot of times and I’m embarrassed by it. I can do a million things for people, with people, about people and I don’t give two hoots if I get Thanked because I’m doing it for me – but I do want my husband to Thank me. I want him to Thank me for doing the dishes each and every single night no matter what. I want him to thank me for keeping his clothes clean. I just want him to Thank Me for being there. I Thank him for putting his dish on the counter, for folding his towel, for feeding the cat. If I don’t thank him, he asks me if I noticed.
I tend not to get irritated, because I knew this is how he was 13 years ago when I met him and I didn’t expect radical change. But every so often it rears its head and I grumble that I’m not appreciated.
Sounds really self centered and petty, but hey, you all asked!
July 10th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Even though I love them all, I would love to be thanked for my patience — from my kids and husband, who I willingly listen to ad nauseum.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:36 am
lol: “you all asked.”
Maybe someone needs to remind him to thank you.
If men only knew that “thank you” is the most delicious foreplay in the world.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Thanks Carrie. I am guilty of the “No Problem” response. Gratitude and thankfulness was rarely expressed in the home I grew up in. We all had a duty we were expected to do and you did not get thanked for doing what you were supposed to do. One of the supposed to do’s was what every my mother told me. This is how she was raised, as her father as well. Honestly, it was not until I watched The Secret and gratitude was discussed at length that I have even begun to understand this concept of appreciation for what I have and what others do. Since being thanked was not part of my mind set, I have never considered what I would like to be thanked for. This is one to ponder for me……
July 10th, 2008 at 4:49 am
I will remember this.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:50 am
The thing that has always maddened me is people not thanking me. I send thank you cards, thank you emails, say ‘thank you’ whenever someone does anything for me in the smallest way. I was brought up this way. I was taught it was good manners. But it’s more than that–it’s respectful and thoughtful–not only to thank others and for them to reciprocate, but to give thanks every day for my life.
Of course, when one gives anything it must be genuine, given with an open heart, without an expectation of return. The giving then must come from my Highest Self.
I agree with Andrea Davis in this regard.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:55 am
I like being thanked for opening doors, stepping out of someone’s way, letting someone go first, picking things up for someone else. These thankyou’s aren’t necessary, but they encourage me in further socialization with people I don’t know. I like the way such an interaction softens the world around us and opens the door for a kinder relationship between people. Without them that doesn’t happen.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:59 am
You my dear, are so correct!
July 10th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Kristin, this is almost exactly the same answer I was going to write. I hate housework yet I’m the only person in my house who ever does any tidying up, and I rarely get thanked for it. Unlike you however, I do get irritated! Maybe I should work on letting that irritation go.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:25 am
I tend not to get irritated…It depends on the month LOL I get ruffled, no doubt about it. It is good to just let it roll off your back – I mean we know that we are appreciated. Deep down, we know our families love us and they appreciate that THEY don’t have to do the bathrooms. In a perfect world we would get thanked more oftem. I think that’s why Mother’s Day is such a popular holiday LOL That one day is one big Thank You! Now, if they only made those days for people who don’t have kids, just rather large husbands LOL
July 10th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Another way to train: thank him when he does little things, like picks up after himself or sets the table or empties the rubbish bin. It’s done wonders for my partner, who now goes out of his way to help out ’cause he knows it’ll get him a wee snog. It’s a twist on Ghandi’s ‘be the change you want to see in the world’ quotation.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:28 am
I do thank the men (and women) who do this for me. I also flash a really bright smile because I appreciate the effort. I like that line – “softens the world” – it does.
Thanks so much!
July 10th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Nothing, but I do need to say thank you more.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:39 am
I’d love to be thanked for the zillion little things I do for my husband and daughter. They may not notice these things, but they do depend on them. I’d like to be thanked for paying attention to the details and for making things special for others. Isn’t that what so many moms do?
And, Carrie, I completely agree with you. “No problem” is one of my pet peeves.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:56 am
I wonder if doing the favor or act of kindness is our own way of thanking the person we do it for. What is our intention when we do a favor? Is it to be polite? Is it to solicit a thank you? Sometimes when you thank a stranger for doing something that comes natural to them like holding the door open, their response to the thank you is automatic as though they have no idea why they are being thanked. Or they consider it a habitual thank you which doesn’t require real acknowledgement with the “you’re welcome” response. This says something about our society. Is it that we are disconnected from our intention or expectations? The more familiarity of the person or the closer the relationship, the intention/expectation can be even less clear. Should we become more aware of ourselves when saying thanks? What if you do it so automatically that it’s like blinking or breathing? Does your intention become lost in the process? Do expectations build unknowingly? I say “thank you” for posting this as it raises awareness to my giving and receiving of thanks. I don’t want automatic expectations in my life any more than I want to say thank you without knowing my own intentions. Our egos may have us confused in this process all together.
July 10th, 2008 at 6:00 am
I’d like a ‘thank you’ for playing the necessary but unpopular role of bad cop in my house. By being the one to enforce bedtime, constantly encourage vegetables, stop to apply sunscreen before an outing, etc it frees my husband to be ‘fun dad’, the one always ready to turn on the TV or have cake for breakfast. Normally what I get is a joking ‘waa waa’ (the signature sound from the SNL ‘Debbie Downer’ skit for those of you that know it) but what I’d like every once in a while is a heartfelt ‘thank you’ and acknowledgement that while fun is very important, our son wouldn’t be nearly the great kid he is without the balancing consistancy and structure. Wow, as I read this over, I sound really grouchy–I’m not sure I realized how much this truly bothers me until I started writing this.
July 10th, 2008 at 6:11 am
I get a lot of thanks every day from my husband and friends and I am VERY grateful for that.
July 10th, 2008 at 6:23 am
I don’t think I’m lacking any thanks. I actually get thanked every day by my boss for the hard work I do – and it makes a huge difference in my job satisfaction, which i turn makes me better at my job. I spent years working for managers who did not express any thanks, and even though I have always been a hard worker, it made for a depressing, uncreative environment. If any of you out there manage people, take note! A simple thank you dropped at regular intervals will get you the very best out of your team.
July 10th, 2008 at 6:32 am
I get stuck on this one a lot, too. I feel like I put so much effort into making my household run and that it is quite unnoticed by my husband. It’s my greatest fantasy that some day he’ll just say, “Wow, honey…you’ve made our house such a lovely home.” I would die of pure pleasure.
But then one day I realized that all of the effort I put into it is really for my own benefit. I love my husband immensely, but he really is oblivious to what I do and why, because it honestly doesn’t matter to him. Whenever I let things go for a while, he has absolutely no idea anything is different. I go insane, but he’s just as happy living in squalor as he is in the beautiful, organized, smoothly-running household I’ve tried so hard to create.
So, officially, I’m thaking MYSELF this morning for the things I do for me!
July 10th, 2008 at 7:19 am
I love the thanks I get from clients who say I’ve changed their lives in positive ways. In actuality they are the ones who made the change and I just held their hands and shouted suggestions from the sidelines, but still it’s nice to be acknowledge for my effort.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:23 am
This is a great example of good critical thinking, Jamie! I love gnoshing on this one for a while. I have to say, however, that as a mom of two little girls, I work very hard to enforce the saying of the “magic words”: “please” and “thank you” (and “bless you” when someone sneezes)- always. Even if it is routine, rote, and habitual, good manners are not a bad habit to have. If you teach your kids from early on to make this type of thing second nature, then they don’t have to learn good manners as adults when they should already have it down. Then, as adults with excellent manners, they can ponder the “why” of their gratitude.
Teaching my kids good manners also forces me to keep up with my own good manners. I don’t mind if it’s automatic, because good manners usually begets good manners from others, and if it doesn’t, then shame on them, not you.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:27 am
I really like it when strangers give me a wave of thanks when I let them change lanes or get in front of me in traffic. I wish it happened every time. Just a nice little acknowledgement from someone who realizes that you didn’t have to do that; it was just a friendly thing to do.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Yes, yes, yes!
I generally receive thanks for what I do. While being able to give is a privaledge to be sure, in my darker moments, I wonder if “just me” would be enough if I weren’t “doing something.”
July 10th, 2008 at 7:41 am
I also am always thankfull for so many things in my life. Untill Carries comment I never really thought much about responding with a “your welcome”. I am going to try to respond this way more often.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Always giving my best/my all. Whether at work or with family, I go to the end of my physical, mental and emotional length every time. I exhaust myself – if I can help others. I would like to be thanked – especially at work where I am the boss. Yes, bosses do go to the end of the world for their employees and their business – or they do not last.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:09 am
I think the teaching is essential, but “enforce” is a interesting choice of words. My guess would be that your children learn these things with your unique heart and mind. I love that you will allow them their own Why when they are older. That’s very freeing in your love for them. I know I was taught these things as a young girl as well. My questions and critical thinking on the matter arose from my sense from some people that are feeling unhappy about our thank you ritual. I realize there is a chain reaction to good manners, but wonder if people who don’t feel appreciated or make the effort to appreciate someone else are experiencing the automatic expectations/unexamined intentions in a way that spawns some sort of lack of recognition feeling or silent sense of entitlement. Is this coming about by not examining the Why of our gratitude while we learn the ritual as young children? My intention is not to be difficult, but to understand what’s happening either consciously or unconsciously. I appreciate your sharing your thoughts on the topic very much.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Yeah I want to be thanked for creating a fabulous meal, too! (since I sort of struggle in the kitchen-it feels good to hear someone say that was good, thanks!)
Today I came in to work and two different guys complimented me on my perfume and the other on my clothing…..that felt really good…and I accepted the compliment….and said THANKS I’m Flattered!!! (instead of doing like I usually do-this old outfit…or this old perfume)-I accepted the compliment and thanked them! So I’d love to be thanked for being THANKFUL to others. AND finding something to be thankful for each day.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Yes, I vibe with this one— I need to thank MYSELF more. I will do and do and then I’m on to the next thing on my actual or mental checklist. No “Thanks for making that excellently nutritious dinner, Kate. Thanks for working on this project diligently, etc.” Changing that from now on. (Although I am blessed with a responsive, thankful, and often housecleaning partner.)
July 10th, 2008 at 9:08 am
I think that I most cherish the “thank you” that I receive when I am least expecting it. The one that lands on my lap and I have to stop and think about what it was that I did that deserved a thank you. It just shows me that what is important to everyone is so incredibly personal and how the little things that we do can make such a huge impact on others. So, I would have to say that I really like to be thanked, authentically, for something that “catches me off guard” and “surprises” me.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Oh Kristin – thank you for articulating what I feel all the time, although I am somewhat ashamed of it. Like you, I always thank my husband for any little domestic contribution he makes, but whatever I do is considered a “given”. I would love it if I received thanks, even just occasionally for all the mundane household tasks I maintain. Shallow, I know… but it is the little things that keep us going in life.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:15 am
this is a great place to be in. I had a very similar revelation and letting go of expecting thanks created a lot more playfulness and freedom. That said, I think it’s really great to be acknowledged for what important to you.
My man has just built a pond in our back garden. He toiled over the pond. He spent way too much money on the gear and gadgets for the pond. Every time he adds a new rock to it, he takes me out to see the pond. He LOVES the pond. So what better gift could I give him than to thank him for the pond? “Babe, thanks for making our backyard so cool.” He glows when I love him up for …the pond.
And when he notices how Zen and artful our lil’ home is (which is NOT as important to him as the…pond) and thanks me for it…well…the grins go deep.
So maybe it’s a reframe: don’t thank me, but let me point out that this is sacred to me.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:15 am
When I was in Japan visiting my daughter, her friend Yuito took us to many shrines and temples. Yuito’s English was pretty good. When I thanked Yuito, he nodded to me and said ‘my pleasure’. He, in a way, was thanking me back. I’ve never forgotten that and when people thank me for something and I’ve taken pride and enjoyment in pleasing them, I say ‘my pleasure’. It feels good to say that. Try it sometime.
Happy Days!
July 10th, 2008 at 9:29 am
I appreciate your thoughts Carrie as I often get embarrassed when thanked and pull a “no problem,” or “it was nothing”. Next time I will say You are Welcome, period.
I want my kids to be more grateful for all I do for them…I want more thank-yous and you are the best Mommy in the world! They do have fairly good manners so I want this to come unprompted from me. Those are the times when their thankful thoughts touch my heart. That is one this I love about sharing Grace before meals with friends or family, it’s an opening to express gratitudes that often go unsaid. http://www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
July 10th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I get plenty of thanks for all I do – but I would love my husband to say thank you for doing the laundry – folded and put away. I hate doing laundry, and when I actually do it all from washing, folding, ironing and putting it away – well, to me that feels so great, that I want to be acknowledged with a “Wow, thank you, my white shirts look amazing.” jeff loves to do laundry, so I guess for him, it’s not a big deal that it is done….just once…a Thank you, Please.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:53 am
that’s my reply most of the time…and every time I say it (and I never say it unless I really mean it,) it feels dignified and sweet — liking giving does.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I’m SO with you. We refer to it as The Wave. It’s a game for me now to notice who gives The Wave, and I gotta say…according to my data, it’s mostly men in pickup trucks.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:58 am
My husband friends and family are all very good at thanking. My work environment too. Makes me realize I think I actively collect people who express themselves verbally because I thrive on praise, sometimes to the point of being unhealthily relying on it. But it’s also the fact I collect people who are grateful and remind me to be grateful. My friend Anita is priceless for this. She’ll see something beautiful in someone or something after I’ve dismissed it and I will rethink it all, and never be able to dismiss it again.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Carol Z. LOVE the ‘my pleasure’ response! FANTASTIC!!! I will use that starting today.
I want to be thanked for just being me. Appreciated for bringing so many smiles to peoples faces (especially my husband). I often get recognition for my sense of humor by my friends, but I would like to hear a “WOW thanks for lifting me & helping me feel better” from my husband…
July 10th, 2008 at 10:06 am
This may sound vain, but I’d like to be thanked for taking the time to look decent when I leave the house! I always make certain I’m well dressed or appropriately dressed for the occasion, hair is neat and tidy, make-up on (or at least lipstick). I see so many people who look like they don’t care how they look – I even had one staff member who would come to work with her hair still soaking wet (at least I knew she had a shower). To me it’s disrespectful of people not to care how they appear to others.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:47 am
hi, i bet that if you STOPPED doing all of these things for 1 week, he would thank you. you do too much. marriage is a 2 way street and you are driving down a 1 way. i am thanking you for being honest. i am sure that it took alot for you to write that and you sound like you needed to get it off of your chest. thank you.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I’m trying to instill good manners in my 6-year old grandson; he’s doing really well with his pleases and thank yous to Granny.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:58 am
i did not expect this however, one day out of the blue, my husband thanked me for being his wife. he also thanked me for being a great mother to our son. i thought to myself that if i am never thanked again for anything, that’s okay with me because i had just received the only thank you i will ever need.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
i don’t know. its weird i say “thank you” all the time…it’s just how i was raised (even though oddly enough, my mom who taught me, generally doesn’t say it…to anyone…for anything). for me, it is difficult accepting thanks.
July 10th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I agree with Carrie about people saying, “No problem.” It really irritates me. Why should there be a problem? I want to be thanked when I’ve really gone all out to host a dinner party and no one has helped me. I set the table & make a nice meal, trying to make sure everyone is having a good time. The guests thank me, but I’m sorry to say that my husband & daughter don’t. They just take it for granted that this is “my job.” I also agree with Kirstin about being thanked for the things she mentions.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I used to be like that. Then I realised one day not accepting thanks was not validating someones offering. And that perhaps that offering took courage. It’s like a muscle,it takes time to get in shape.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
You’re Welcome
July 10th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Yep, it was honest. I probably did need to get it off my chest! I didn’t realize it but, I bet I did need to get it off my chest. My husband and I have been working a lot of long hours together the past few months. I’m sure part of this grumbling is about us working together, too.
July 10th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
I would like to be thanked for the adjustments I have made in my life to make room for the needs of family members, in ways I have never had to do before. I would like to be thanked by those who are benefiting from these sacrifices in time, privacy and freedom. And thanked from the very depths of their souls, not in a perfunctory way.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I like being thanked by people who truly appreciate food for cooking a great dinner. That reminds me, I need to make more time to cook…
July 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I would like to be thanked for my innovative, out of the box thinking…..I’m not sure if others are comfortable with creative ideas and so they instead of being thankful for them they sometimes might feel threatened……perhaps due to the “change factor”….
July 12th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Interesting question. I find it’s easy to think of what can I be thankful for but what do I want to be thanked for… Well, I always said that on my tombstone I want the inscription “I wanted to make the world at better place and only YOU will know if I did!” so maybe I want to be thanked for making the world a better place by being uncomplicated, by smiling and saying “Have a great day”, my letting those who are dear to me that I truly do love them, by being a friend, by listening and hopefully by being nonjudgmental…! Yes I think that basically this is what I would like to be thanked for. Oh Yes! and for being the best Mom, wife and grandmom I would be.
July 12th, 2008 at 10:16 am
I would like to be thanked for all of the things I do around the house. I always thank my husband for every little thing he does to help around the house. I do so because while there are things in life that we just “have to do,” we can choose the spirit in which we do them. When we choose to do the “have to dos” in the spirit of love and respect for one another, that brings a new level of awareness and spirituality to every task. The “thank you” becomes an acknowledgement of the spirit in which the task was completed. When I cook for him, do the grocery shopping, the laundry or anything else, I am really doing it because I love him and our home and not just because I have to do it. I would like to be thanked more in acknowledgement of the spirit in which I choose to complete my domestic tasks.
July 12th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I totally understand.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:52 am
For being a good friend.