What Do You Think Of Me?
When I was growing up, I was never satisfied being me. I wanted to be able to “spike” on the volley ball court like Kaori. I wanted to draw portraits like Patty. I wanted to do funky embroidery like Yako and have Kimie’s impeccable handwriting. Actually handwriting was a “thing” for me. I spent hours mimicking the handwriting of my various classmates. I was good. And somehow, I believed as a teenager that if I could write like them, I would magically adopt the characteristics of their personalities (and bodies) that I coveted.
Over the years, my dissatisfaction with myself turned me into quite a chameleon. And ironically, my chameleon qualities became one of my prized attributes. I could fit into any situation, adopting the mannerisms, speech patterns and cultural habits of any group I joined.
I couldn’t honor who I was becoming
It has been over 35 years since that time and various people have said things to me along the lines of “oh I wish I could be like you, you are so…[and you can fill in the blank]“. Actually I would need you to because I never heard what they were saying. What? Me? You see, I never claimed me-who I was or who I was becoming. I was too busy trying to be like everyone else.
Does this sound familiar in any way? (Please tell me I am not alone here!) Is what you do see about yourself blinding you to what you have not yet discovered? Where are you shortchanging yourself? Where are you not noticing your magnificent impact in the world? What if you could embrace all of you and have that feel good?
Claim your own gifts
I believe we are infinitely complex and there is no end to the ways in which we can surprise ourselves. I still can’t spike on the volley ball court or draw very well. And my handwriting, well, it shows the signs of trying on too many styles. I haven’t stopped noticing my deficiencies. But I am claiming them for my own. They are my unique deficiencies that have made me who I am today. And as for my strengths, well, not only am I willing to claim those, but I can even hear them when they come from those around me. Here is my challenge to you…go out and ask five people you respect what qualities they value in you. And listen! Really listen.
Image courtesy of mcpig.
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October 28th, 2008 at 4:55 am
Gorgeous picture! Love yourself is such a hard thing to do…
October 28th, 2008 at 5:00 am
Actually photo isn't me but it is nice isn't it-let the photographers know (see link above) And yes- hard to do and in the end, so worth it…
October 28th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Great piece. I think about this over the years as I shift and change with my life situation. It is a freedom to embrace every part of yourself and let it really sing.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:46 am
This is tough, but the reward is huge! But do prepare for some pleasant surprises, when the people said qualities of you that you never expected to hear or even believed!
The most important part of this exercise is to ask people that you really really respect, not your casual friends.. and ask for positive qualities!
October 28th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Yes I agree-asking people you respect is important. – have you done this? what were your surprises?
October 28th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
This sounds eerily familiar. I'm the one who can fit into any situation. But I think that my style statement is actually helping there. Instead of thinking “What is appropriate to the situation?” I'm starting to think “What is the Creative Joy approach here?”
Oh, and I have a nasty corollary habit of discounting the nice things people do say about me. Gotta stop that!
October 28th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
That is a case for a style statement if I ever heard one.
I am embarrased to say I don't have one yet. I have to get cracking on that…
October 28th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I love this post! At 22, I'm beginning to really honour what makes me so different – all the facets of my personality – good AND bad.
Doing my Style Statement really helped because it let me see that – yes, THIS is what I care about and it's okay to…I may love magazines, getting dressed up, clothes, and seemingly “silly” pursuits like those, BUT I'm also an amazing friend and advocate for women.
Thanks for sharing your story!
October 28th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Great post Pearl.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:35 am
beautiful, Pearl.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Such beautiful words & picture…
Thank you deeply for sharing
Wishing you a divine day ~
Brightest blessings,
Leonie
http://www.GoddessLeonie.com
December 15th, 2008 at 7:49 am
In the past decade or so, I began to define myself as a chameleon……all of what you write fits me as well! At times it is a good quality especially when in what can be a challenging situation, but as you write, it can lead to feeling no sense of who I am……..which matters more at some times than others. Less and less do I choose to “lose” me to please others, but it is still in there. I want to examine further this franchise that we have all bought into! Or at least visited.
December 31st, 2008 at 3:08 am
[...] mattenson presents What do you think of me? chameleon qualities – strengths – handwriting | Carrie and Danielle posted at Carrie and Danielle. Pearl says, “I believe we are infinitely complex and [...]