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What did you learn from your favorite mistake?

Daily | September 5th, 2008 by Danielle LaPorte

    “Success and failure. We think of them as opposites, but they’re really not. They’re companions - the hero and the sidekick.”- Laurence Shames. Think of it this way: yesterday’s whopping whoopsies are today’s profound wisdom. You’ve come a long way, baby.

    Carrie says: No major mistake sticks out for me but many small mistakes that have added up; from staying too long with a kind but incompatible boyfriend, too long at a job that paid well, too long as an constantly injured athlete. As a child I was taught not to quit but knowing what I desire, listening to my intuition and changing direction in life is not quitting it’s choosing powerfully.
     

    Danielle says: I once reamed out the head of one of the most successful US publishers for bailing on a project I was involved in - by fax, no less. It’s embarrassing to even think about. I was young, scared and inflated. “In 26 years of doing business,” he said to me, “no one’s ever questioned my integrity.” And I knew in that moment that I was being a total twerp, and that maybe this mega CEO knew a thing or two. I learned that there is a time and place to respect age and experience. (But I still give myself points for the moxy!)
     

    Read today’s blog post on spirituality and screwing up.

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Viewing 62 Comments

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    Hmmm.... interesting. How to choose just one mistake. Probably getting engaged (first of two official ones) at age seventeen. I still cant' believe I encouraged that. I ended up breaking his heart and even tried ending it by phone. He insisted on coming to see me in person though. He refused to take back the diamond, so I hung onto it for years, even pawning it once in desperation for rent money or something. My step father bought rescued it and had it reset into a nice ring for my mother, who left it to me when she passed away. There's more...

    Many years later when my husband reached a significant career goal, he wanted to get his ear pierced to recognize the freedom he felt. I had the diamond reset into a stud and presented it to him - he loved it and it really suited him and the occasion it represented. When we celebrated our 40th anniversary this year, I gave him a garnet stud to replace the diamond (ruby or garnet is the gift for the 40th but the ruby's were all to pink, so I opted for the dark red of the garnet, which also happens to be his birthstone). It never really felt right though, so just tonight, I presented him with the diamond stud and said it really belonged to him now. He just beamed as he happily slid it into place.
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    In my last year of schooling, I constantly felt like my teachers were boring me to death and so I often wouldn't turn up and I wold do my own reading and researching of what I was interested in. Let alone it being a risky way to treat school and I got into University by a hair, iI was also being really foolish because when I told them why I hated school so much, they were themselves thinking of how to teach for the the sake of learning and not for exams. They had already anticipated someone being frustrated by learning arbitrary and ridiculous things over and over again, but if I'd been a part of the processs earlier I might have been able to suggest things or start clubs or help out. Instead I just looked like an inconsiderate student who thought she knew everything and was entirely ungrateful for my teachers. Which I'm not! They were great.
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    In some way, not sticking with university - every time I was enrolled and really thriving as a star student a great opportunity in the "real " world came along; offering lessons that a degree could not possibly provide...and the accompanying pay cheque was pretty seductive as well! I love learning so sometimes I still desire that formal education to go along with the real life experience, but don't always equate a degree with credibility.
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    Since we are talking about favorite mistakes and not most painful, I would have to say it was the speeding ticket I got while trying to make my 5:30 a.m. strength training class. The lesson for me (for the millionth time) was to slow down. For the last few months I have been driving at the speed limit everywhere. It is driving everyone else on the road crazy, but I am amzaed at what I can take in and notice when I am driving slower. It is much more calming.
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    Not to ever lie.
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    I think my favorite mistake was marrying my husand at age 19 (well okay, almost 20). A lot of people told us it was a mistake that I was too young (he was 27 at the time) and the we'd end up divorced.

    We celebrated our 22nd anniversary in April and are happier now than we were all those years ago. Over the years we've grown together and learned together. We still argue about things but we've gotten better at listening to each other. I'm convinced that we survived those early years on sheer stubborness alone (neither one of us likes to admit being wrong). Luckily once we got passed those early obstacles, we realized that we are each other's best partner. We balance each other out and support each other. I'm glad we didn't give up in those early years. The rewards have been more than worth it.
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    Emotionally divorcing my husband after he moved our young family to yet another city for another job. As a result of the "emotional" divorce -- which consisted of not talking to him, ignoring him -- it gave me time to look within myself and realize I wasn't angry with him; I was angry with myself. I hired an after-school nanny and went back to work and was happy as a clam, thus, happy with my hubby.
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    This one is going to have me thinking all day. A favourite mistake...so many to choose from.

    A recent mistake that I loved the moment it happened, was getting a little too cocky at the Roller Rink this past February (I was never much of a skater, I hadn't been on skates of any kind in a decade at least). I totally wiped out and bloodied up my knee, all because Justin Timberlake came on and I decided to bring sexy back.

    I would call this a favourite because I hadn't risked that kind of mistake in a long time. It made me feel alive.
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    An old saying I learned from a very wise person...."Take your lumps and move on."
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    Oh is that a double - edged knife for me, extrememly sharp on both sides, rather jagged and still stuck in my back. I am truly saddened by who he continues to choose to be. I am learning all about who I am -because I did not really know before. It is interesting what we are unwilling to learn unless we absolutely have to for survival of some kind. I am learning to act instead of react; to thrive instead of survive; to seek change on my own accord because the status quo will only keep me stuck, no matter what level I attain to physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I have learned that small steps taken every day is what really gets you where you want to go. The biggest lesson I have learned is to trust me. When my heart and gut tell me things, they are the truth, regardless of the words coming out of anyone's mouth, or on paper, e-mail, etc.
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    This will sound strange - but it was cheating in a past relationship (the guy never found out) and the emotional pain that went with that. That mistake finally gave me the kick in the rear I needed to realize I'm not living according to my best self, I'm not living up to my values, I'm hurting myself and others - it forced me to be more honest in all areas of my life, to trust myself and others, and to live a life with more integrity. It also help me realize that, in a partner, I want someone who is there for me.
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    There are so many amazing answers already today. I think back and could point out several mistakes that I made in the past..paths not taken that I wish I had but then I look at my life today and think - if I had chosen differently would I be where I am now? I have a kind husband and a job that I love and a few close friends that I cherish. Maybe my biggest mistake is not realizing how much I have right now.
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    I actually think I have spent too much time trying to AVOID making mistakes to make any really big ones. I have lived "carefully", which is in many ways unachievable. My goals lately have been to live in the moment, which for me means not being afraid of falling down, making mistakes, etc. Cutting myself some slack and accepting that I can make mistakes feels really good to me right now.
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    I'm with Carrie on the small mistakes "pile up" thing. The wrong boyfriend, the wrong job, the living for others, hiding my sadness, hiding my loneliness, pretending to be strong when I wanted to be vulnerable, having sex when I didn't want to and generally living by default.

    I try not to use the word mistake or failure cause they fill you with the negative connotation of regret. Lesson learned is more gentler....lol
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    Nothing could be truer! I always played it safe. Dotting my i's and crossing my t's; doing my best to be perfection. Of course I realize now that that's a nuerosis and that life was not meant to be life that way. Life is classroom. Our job is to develop the necessary tool to handle the pitfalls.
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    not meant to be lived.
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    I apologize for my grammar.
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    I made the mistake of choosing to NOT dive into a search for my dream job right after college. I decided instead to go back home and "write for a year." In the 3 years following college, I wrote about 10 paragraphs...and that's being generous. And now I'm technically working in my field (publishing), but with content I care nothing about (medicine). BUT, moving closer to home allowed me to forge very strong, healthy relationships with my family and it allowed me to meet my husband, who I love so much and who loves me so much that we have to talk each other into going to work every morning, rather than staying home in bed all day.
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    BONJOUR MES AMIS!

    In my book there is no such thing as a favorite mistake... As a rule I find them embarrasing, but that is just my hang-up. I will say this: every mistake I have made has been a product of haste or over-analyzing... So, I jave learned there is such a thing as a happy medium. Aaaaaand.... I have learned to listen to the voice in me that sends warnings... when somethng doesn't feel right, I stop. As a rule I don't go through with it... There is my lesson in a nutshell!!!

    Cécile
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    Only one comment: I am envious!! lollollol Good for you, Traci!!

    Cécile
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    How to choose just one. I've made so many. My biggest was marrying a man I did not love and moving to another city away from everything I knew and people I loved. But that mistake led me to the love of my life, a beautiful child and a city I now call home. So are mistakes really mistakes? As I get older I realize they are just little detours filled with lessons that hopefully make us grow.
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