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As my family and I chowed down on holiday fare, the conversation turned to a family friend, Nick. Everybody adores Nick; we are delighted he seems to be getting serious with his smart, thoughtful girlfriend, Mandy, after some, ahem, dodgy relationships in the past.

“What’s going on with Nick and Mandy?” I asked my brother-in-law. “Do you think they’ll get married?”

My sister and her husband exchanged glances. She then revealed Nick’s plans to surprise Mandy over Christmas … with a diamond … pendant.

“Eh?” my mom said.

I paused, chocolate-covered pretzel hovering two centimeters from my mouth: “A pendant?”

My sister shrugged. My brother-in-law interjected, somewhat defensively, “Maybe she’s not that interested in a ring.”

The predominantly female room collapsed in laughter.

“Yeah, right.”

“All she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth and … a pendant.”

Modern Love

When I thought about the conversation later, I felt a little guilty. The women in the room represented different ages and life choices; there were single women, wives, mothers, and grandmothers. Some were career women while others were stay-at-home mamas. Yet the majority of us laughed that evening, connecting over that period in our relationship when we really just wanted the darn ring.

But, wait. Here we are in 2009, assuming Nick’s girlfriend was hoping for an engagement ring for Christmas. Are we programmed into thinking we should wait for the man to ask us? Women have a lot of options. Nobody has to get married. In some states, women can marry women and fellows can tie the knot with their partners. And if a couple decides to get married, the man doesn’t need to propose — a woman could do a fine job of it if she’d like to! Similarly, a ring isn’t necessarily a mandatory component in marriage.

And yet, many women would prefer a man to present a ring and a proposal. Does that mean many of us are secretly old-fashioned? Is that our view of romance or a way to honor a tradition? Is the actual piece of jewelry an important gesture? Should we feel guilty for wanting an engagement ring?

One Ring To Rule Them All

I spoke with my friend on the brink of her engagement. Lucy, a powerful consultant in Manhattan, has discussed getting engaged with her boyfriend within the next year. Now, keep in mind, Lucy is probably the most powerful and assertive woman I know. She makes Hillary Clinton look like Betty Boop.

“I know we could just decide to get married. Or we could go and pick out a ring together. But the girly part of me just wants the surprise. And the down-on-the-knee thing. What’s wrong with that?”

Nothing, I suppose. How wonderful for a romantic fellow to express his love with a beautiful gift! How groovy these two have found each other!

Perhaps there is a way to maintain timeless traditions with the freedom of today’s society. What do you think, C and D readers? Did you secretly pine for a proposal? Did any ladies out there propose to the man in their lives? Confused feminists want to know!

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