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Marriage – When It Becomes Unhappy

Unfortunately these days around 60% of marriages will end in divorce. There are a plethora of reasons that marriages will end in divorce though the most common is infidelity though there are many others; such as, getting married after only a few months and never really thinking the whole process through, financial problems which leads to stress which puts a strain on the marriage that sometimes simply just can’t be overcome, etc…

Seeking Help

Should you be in this situation it’s really not a simple answer to should I say or should I go question. Life is unfortunately a “one size fits all” and we can’t afford to take that mentality. It takes a real evaluation of yourself and your relationship to answer that question. There are some general guidelines you can use when discovering your answer.

Don’t make a premature decision. You’ve invested a lot into a marriage from time, to money along with many hopes and dreams. It’s important to try everything possible to try to make the marriage better before you make the decision to split for good.

Don’t be afraid to seek support from a counselor or a relationship therapist. They can help guide you or be a referee as you vent your angers and frustrations and then help guide you through a recovery process should you find yourself wanting to maintain your institution.

Coping With the End

Should you find that after you try everything and you just can’t stay together and you make the decision to get divorced then you need to cope even though it’s never an easy thing to go through. Regardless of the reason the end of a long-term relationship can turn your world upside down and trigger all kinds of feeling that you might never have anticipated.

A divorce is painful since it represents the loss of the hopes and dreams you had or shared when you decided to get married. Nobody anticipates the end at the beginning. At the beginning of the relationship you go to the high point of the romantic rollercoaster and when it ends you take the massive dive and experience profound loss and emotional stress and grief. It puts us into territory that was before unchartered for you. You ask yourself:

• Will I ever find anyone else?
• Will I end up lonely?
• What will my life be without him/her?

It’s the answers that remain unanswered that can be more difficult than going through the unhappy marriage itself. It’s easy for anyone to say be patient with yourself as healing takes time but it’s true, you can and you will move on.
You need to:

• Recognize – Know that it’s not bad to have different feelings; it’s ok to feel angry, sad, exhausted, and sick of it, frustrated and very confused. These feelings can be extremely intense. You might feel uncertainty about the future. Come to terms and accept these reactions as they’ll lessen over time.
• Break – Give yourself a much needed break. Feel and function at a less than optimal level for a time. Take some time to let you heal and regroup. You may not be the person you are so accustomed to for awhile and that’s ok.
• Others – You don’t have to so don’t let yourself go through this alone. If you feel comfortable share your feelings with your family and your friends as they can be a vital mechanism to help you cope and get through this unchartered territory. You can also join a support group where you can let your feelings through with others that are going/have gone through a similar situation. Don’t isolate yourself as it will only make things worse, seek that outside help should you need to.