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“What is it like to be a twin?”

It’s a question I hear often. To me, being a twin means having a best friend for life. It is a wonderful blessing. But it’s not easy.

Growing up as a twin means that you see yourself as a unit, not a person. When I was 16, my identical twin fell in love with a boy (who is now her husband) and this created a physical and emotional divide in the twinship, leaving me feeling half-empty. It prompted an inner search for an identity that I never really knew I was missing. It’s a kind of identity crisis that few singletons can really understand.

If you are expecting twins, brace yourself: there will be some challenges ahead. I mean besides trying to feed, comfort, and change two screaming infants simultaneously. No, that’s the easy part. The real challenge is how to help each twin build a strong sense of identity. Here are five tips on how to support your twins’ individual development without eliminating their special bond.

How To Give Your Twins A Strong Sense Of Self

1. Give your twins unique names. Each child should bear a name that symbolizes their uniqueness. Rhyming or matching names will only encourage others to see them as a single unit.

2. Encourage separate activities. The children should have the opportunity to experiment independently and embrace their unique talents in various clubs, sports, and events.

3. Support exclusive relationships. Although difficult for twins, it is important for them to build social relationships on their own. This can be especially difficult when one twin establishes a close relationship with another person that does not involve their sister or brother. However, independent social interaction will serve as the springboard for all future relationships with friends, spouses, and colleagues.

Parents Inc. even recommends enrolling the children into different classrooms, although this issue is up for debate; the experts at Twin Tips suggest that separation will happen naturally and gradually. If and how you separate the twins will depend on your unique circumstances (For a list of pros and cons, visit About.com or raise the issue on Pamela Prindle Fierro’s blog).

4. Buy different clothes for the twins. Although sharing is natural and healthy for twins, it is a good idea to buy clothing that reflects each twin’s unique personality. Nix the matching outfits and permit each twin to cultivate his/her personal style.

5. Support individual privacy. Allow privacy through separate rooms if possible, along with quiet time alone or with a parent. Twins spend most of their time together and the ability to cultivate their own thoughts and decision-making processes without the influence of their sister or brother is important.

Being a twin is tremendous gift, but it is also confusing. Figuring out who you really are is especially difficult when you are constantly confused with someone else. Encouraging your twins to develop independent lifestyles will help them learn about who they are, without sacrificing the fulfilling nature of the twinship.

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