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When it comes to finding “the one” there are many conflicting theories. Some people will tell you that he or she will enter your life when you aren’t looking, while others say that you have to really work at it.

While I would love to believe that my soul mate is going to swoop in on a white horse (or, in my dreams, in a black BMW) I have spent enough time in the single pool to realize that just isn’t going to happen. Finding a mate takes some work, so if you’re sick of spending your nights alone with your DVR, it’s time to get out there and make a few changes.

He Could Be Anywhere

You may want think that you will find your man at work or when you get dolled up to hit the town with your girlfriends, but the truth is the love of your life can pop up anywhere. That means you should always be prepared. I’m not saying you should throw on loads of makeup and your lowest cut top to head to CVS, but you shouldn’t leave the house thinking to yourself, “God, I hope I don’t run into anyone I know.” Treat every excursion as if the man of your dreams will be there and prep yourself for meeting him by brushing your hair (and teeth!), throwing on something presentable and generally looking socially acceptable.

But You Still Have to Look For Him

You can’t expect to find someone simply gracing the world with your presence. Any guy will tell you how terrifying it is to approach a woman, especially one as fabulous as yourself. You have to put yourself out there; approach men, sign up for Internet dating and tell everyone you know that you are ready and willing for a set up. These small changes will open more doors and present you with many more opportunities to choose from.

Attitude is Everything

I have gotten so used to being single and doing everything on my own, that I do everything on my own. I won’t let guys carry things for me, help me or even buy me a drink. Big mistake. Huge. My attitude – which was totally unknown to me – gives off a vibe that I am not interested or looking, which sends guys running. Small changes to your personal attitude can have a huge impact on your dating life, whether it be a little boost to your self confidence (or faking it), or being more open to people who approach you. Take a look at yourself and figure out what kinds of messages you are sending that are sending men away. Then change them.

Give Everyone a Chance

There are many reasons why you may not click with someone right away – he could be really nervous, he could be really drunk, he could be trying way too hard to impress you…. If you have a gut instinct that he’s just not for you (”I believe in polygamy.”), run far, far away. But, if there is any shred of potential, don’t write him off so quickly. Give the guy another chance and see if something can develop. If nothing else, you can get a great meal or story out of it.

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