I didn’t have my first relationship until my senior year of college, and even that one was sort of an accident that started with a football tailgate and too much beer.

It’s not that I was never looking; it’s just that guys were never looking at me. I spent a good chunk of my life blaming my loneliness on my weight, the way I looked and just not being good enough. When I was out with my girlfriends I assumed the roll of wingman, because I felt that was the best place for me to be. Why try to find someone for myself when all these cuter, skinnier girls were with me?

I relied heavily on my over-the-top personality to make others (and myself) believe that everything was great and I was happy, when in reality, I would go home and cry in my bed at night.

And then one day – and, ironically, during a one one-night-stand – I had a dating epiphany that changed my romantic life forever.

Self Esteem is the Sexiest Accessory

Women spend tons of money on clothes and bags and makeup, but the sexiest thing a woman can own is her own self-confidence. When you act confidently, everyone around you will notice and be drawn to you. A woman who loves herself obviously has a lot to offer and everyone is going to want to get to know that.

On the contrary, a woman who sits on the sidelines watching everyone else is going to remain there. What man wants a woman who doesn’t even love herself? What man is going to approach someone when she is sending the message that she has nothing to offer?

Fake it Till You Make It

Finding self esteem is no easy task; if it were I would have been bringin’ the boys home from elementary school (instead of coming home and eating a box of Oatmeal Cream Pies and crying). But you have to fake it. Well, maybe not fake it so much as get dolled up in that special outfit that makes you feel like a supermodel, go out with a group of friends who make you feel fabulous, and hang out at a place where you are totally comfortable.

Just being in your element and enjoying yourself sends the “I love me and you should love me, too” vibe and will attract men instantly. They may not approach you (because men tell us all the time how scary it is to do so), but he will be looking, which is your opportunity to take over and make your move.

And trust me: a confident woman who approaches a man makes him weak in the knees.

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