I kind of understand Imelda Marcos. Frightening as that is, hear me out: footwear makes the outfit. Imagine a swellegant evening gown teamed with closed-toe Birkenstocks….(not that there’s anything wrong with Birkenstocks…) just, there is a time and place!)

Since I started working at the studio, my only exercise has been the fifteen minute walk to the train station. This is best accomplished in comfortable shoes. HOWEVER, comfortable shoes do not a fabulous outfit make. Some Christian Louboutin pumps do that nicely. What’s more, since I’m often standing the whole way on the train, and since I’m arm-pit height, if a French shoe can give me a few inches and move me into the desirous position of non-armpit height, there is every reason to wear fabulous shoes.

But, oh, the pain.

My husband always asks me why I wear “ridiculous” shoes – (this from a man who has never experienced the surge in sexual power one attains from donning a sexy shoe) – and suggests I wear some Really Good Walking Shoes and change at work.  Remember the 80s Reebocks and socks under business suits? Sensible yes, a good look, no.

In a moment of weakness, I considered going all the way and buying some absurdly comfortable shoes; something like MBTs. Have you seen these? They make Crocs look…like they were a good idea. These shoes are undoubtedly as blissful to walk in as a pair of cotton balls. I bet if I had them, I’d go the extra mile in every way. I might even start running marathons..I’d get into phenomenal shape, in fact – they would change my life.

But they’re fugly.

That, for the uninitiated, is worse than ugly. It’s like birth control for your feet. (Wear those to a club, and you’re guaranteed not to get lucky.) Does my refusal to wear Really Good Walking Shoes make me vain? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not.

I firmly believe that a new haircut can be just as pivotal as a new religion. And to all who say that’s dispicably shallow, I say this: what you wear is what people think of you, what people think of you is how they treat you, how they treat you is how you feel…how you feel is everything.

So, podiatrists – I know you’ll hate me for this, but I’m not saying anything new here. I’m saying, shoes have power and they speak volumes. Your footwear is a silent statement about your lifestyle: fashionista, hooker, earth-mother, athlete, hobbit, clueless wonder…

Consider your shoes. What do they say about you? Mine are currently saying, “Ouch!”

-Karryn, Classic Lustre

P.S. For the record, I don’t actually own any Christian Louboutin pumps – but I am accepting donations to Karryn’s Bring Sexy Back fund.