Divorce has always been a bitter pill to swallow. This is more so with the child and the divorce being involved together. There is nothing more reassuring to any child than the comfort of its family. Every child feels secure and cared for in a family. But the whole set up of a happy family suddenly changes overnight with the parents filing a divorce agreement.

The child is affected to a large extent and the extent itself depends on the age group to which the child belongs to. It is much more difficult to deal with a pre pubescent child or a teen ager in such cases. Because younger children may not ask so many questions or even if they do ask they are often satiated with easy answers.

The court usually decides in favor of the mother when deciding the possession of the children in divorce cases. The divorce agreement may also mention some thing in regard to the custody of the child. If the divorce is a contested divorce then the problems are multiplied further. The end of the proceeding in a contested divorce is very bitter, because often the other parent who loses out the custody of the child also loses out on the right to visit the child or even communicate with the child.

This is more deteriorating on the psyche of the child, especially if the child was emotionally more attached to the other parent.

Putting your child or children through the bitterness of your divorce is in itself a great emotional torture to them. The least you both can do is to minimize the post divorce trauma and ugliness. And if you really cannot do anything about it, at least you can follow certain guide lines of conduct while in front of them.

Always remember that for every child, their parents mean the world to them. You may not agree with your spouse, or you may feel that your spouse is a monster. But never expect your child to think in the same manner regarding their parent. Never wash all your dirty linen in front of them. Parents usually bicker about the wrong doings of their ex-spouse to their children. They might have an agenda behind that, like gaining the confidence and the emotional support of the child. Or sometimes it may be done innocently, just as a catharsis of the bottled up hurt and remorse. What ever be the agenda or the lack of it, parents should note that children have very sensitive and delicate minds. They are highly impressionable too.

You may get over this phase of bitterness at some point of time in your life. You may also get re-married to some other person. But your child will never get another parent. No step parent can take the position of the original parent, how ever loving and caring they may try to be.

It might become necessary to answer the child’s queries regarding the reason for the divorce, or the child might ask you why you are no more living together and so on and so forth. You need to give them patient and sensible answers. It is not always necessary to explain all the gory details to your child.