One of the best ways to be a good friend is to give good advice. Many of us know somebody whose name pops up when we have a conundrum we simply cannot tackle on our own. There is something about certain people – perhaps a lot of life experience or some innate wisdom – that makes them excellent advice givers.

For others, Mr. Miyagi-style advice does not always come naturally. Trying to assess and help solve somebody else’s problems might seem like a cruel practical joke in light of all the things in your own life you’ve yet to master.

Either way, when a friend comes to you in need, it’s time to get over insecurities. And even if you consider yourself the Oprah of your social group, there are a few elements to the art of advice giving that can make the exchange positive for you and your friend.

Listen First, Speak Second

Listen. This means, first of all, making sure you are in a position to be an active listener. If a friend calls when the timing is bad for you, say so. The more desperate the situation sounds, the more important it is that you be an eager listener. Check your attitude, which can be a distraction if you’re not having the best day yourself. You want to be sure what you hear comes through a filter of reason and compassion, not business, exhaustion or selfishness.

Active listening involves making sure you properly understand the situation you’re being asked to comment on. Repeat what you think you’ve heard to make sure you’re giving the best advice possible. It doesn’t hurt to clarify:

• “Are you saying you think she’s been reporting you to the boss behind your back?”

• “So are trying to decide whether to tell him, or just how to say it when you do?”

Making sure you are truly ready to listen, and that you’re clear on what you’re hearing, will ensure a much more fruitful gab session for you and your friend.

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There are a multitude of alternative health therapies that you can put on or into your body, but what about sweeping away negative energy for better health?

Body brushing is a healing method embraced by alternative health gurus across the board. Not only will a natural-bristle brush slough away dead skin, leaving you looking smashing, but it will also help to improve circulation. Enthusiasts of the method say that it may also help with the drainage of lymph nodes, giving skin less of a puffy, I-just-ate-a-pint-of-ice-cream look. Hey, the light massage of a body brush also helps reduce the appearance of cellulite – that’s a win-win, huh?

Brush your whole body – under your arms, behind the knees and your bum, too – and you will see a marked improvement in the appearance of your skin and overall feeling of your body. And be sure to buy a long-handled brush for those tough to reach spots, like your back.

Your body will thank you.

When my husband and I were still dating (for seven years, mind you) I cried any time we went to a movie in which a man made a commitment to a woman he loved. My husband always cries in movies about fathers and sons. All it takes is a son’s longing to connect to his dad or vice versa and the tears flow. Recently, I had a week in which three different clients cried in the context of our coaching session. In each case, the tears came when I (or the client’s partner) said something that desperately needed to be heard:

• “You need to give yourself time to mourn the life dream you let wither.”
• “The memory of your dad, is a memory of acceptance, he accepted you and that memory can bring you to your own self-acceptance.”
• “I want to always remember how much I love you.”

In all cases, the tears represent a kind of release, when a longing we have is suddenly tapped into. A truer, deeper part of ourselves has been touched and even if we can’t speak about it, our tears are the pathway there. They are a signal for us to pay attention.

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Photo: The most recent stack of books found in Danielle’s shrink’s office. Good sign.

Has Your Shrink Got Style?

I’ve come to learn that the best way to choose a therapist who will masterfully guide you through the labyrinth of your inner world…is to judge them by their…appearance. Yep. Book by it’s cover, superficial signals, thin slices. Shoes, objects of art, sweatpants might tell you all you need to know about one of the most potentially positive or destructive relationships in your life.

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(and why too much talk therapy is…too much talk therapy.)

I firmly believe in the reincarnation model of life. It’s a fundamental tenant of Buddhism and metaphysics that works for me. Apparently, one third of the US population feels the same way.

And while I’m outing my paradigms, I also believe in extraterrestrial intelligence and that Jim Morrison is alive. Seriously. (Jim, if you’re reading this, call me, man. I can totally make time in my schedule to be your muse.)

We are the sum total of our experience. And undeniably, it is our past – as well as our essential spirit - that informs our character, whether that past is recent or centuries gone by. The altered state a-ha’s I’ve had about life B.D. (Before Danielle) have explained a lot about my fears and strengths. Same goes for the all the excavations in therapy for this life time.

What happened in your childhood or another life informs patterns in your current reality. It is essential to whole living that you source the cause of your pain, your hang ups, your neurosis. But sooner or later, you’ve simply got to get over using yesterday to explain today’s behavior.

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