How Would You Like to be Cared For?
Daily | January 7th, 2009 by Carrie McCarthy | Comments | Leave a comment“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.” - Pablo Casals





Food is a multi-sensory art form; it’s about touch, scents, colors, texture, composition, and taste. Part of it’s magic is that you can put all your time, energy and love into your work of art and all you have to show for it at the end of an evening are memories (and dishes)! This makes cooking the ultimate metaphor for life. The treasures of the heart, like memories of long evenings around the table with loved ones, are the only ones we get to take with us when we leave this planet and our physical bodies.
Cooking is a transcendental art form, but also one connected to tribal issues - childhood, security, comfort, grounding and surviving. And it’s extremely intimate. The ones we share our art with will put it inside their bodies! Call me a nerd, but I find that a meal prepared with love is one of the most magical ways we give each other energy.
When I go back to Sweden to see my family, our together-time revolves around cooking. First, we spend the morning discussing what we’re going to cook. There is always the surprise element — one of us will have tasted something somewhere that simply needs to be shared; a brilliant way to roast vegetables in the oven, or a classic, Boef Bourguignon slightly improved (”that will bring tears to your eyes!”).
The morning session is followed by the shopping for all the right ingredients and the wine. That is, unless my father, the impeccable wine specialist, has already prepared these top notes of the dinner composition.

I am fascinated by love letters. They’re full of passion and longing and vulnerability. When it comes to this topic, I am still an adolescent drawn to drama and unrequited love. My own history has something to do with it. As a teenager, I received letters from a married teacher 20 years my senior (who I had a major crush on which of course escalated the drama) and as a college student I received long fervent letters from a spurned boyfriend. I saved these letters longer into my 18 year old marriage than I care to admit!
My obsession has also been fueled by plays, movies and songs:
“Un ramito de violetas”- the song
Evangelina Sobredo Galanes was a Spanish songwriter who wrote this haunting song about a woman who, for years, receives anonymous flowers and poems from a man who turns out to be her husband. She never realizes that the man of her dreams is in fact the man she married. She is blind to his deep romantic nature, a nature she craves. He is unable to show his true self to his wife with whom he is desperately in love. The song ends in silent suffering.
Love Letters — the movie
The 1945 movie of this name was scripted by Ayn Rand. The New York Times panned it when it first appeared. Yet the story offers the drama I relish — a soldier in Italy writes love letters to a woman on behalf of his friend, and inevitably the soldier falls in love with the woman. The friend dies. Will the true lovers ever meet?

So here’s one of my early New Year Resolutions, along with eating chocolate and laughing more – I’m going to write more love letters to my partner.
The thing is that he was asked what it was like to be married to a writer the other day. “She’s very good at shopping lists,” he said. It made us laugh, but I got to thinking when was the last time I wrote something just for him. Although, hmmm, we’re both English, and everybody knows we don’t “do” emotion terribly well. This could all get a bit embarrassing. Better not to commit anything to paper, just in case.
If you’re hesitant to put your feelings to your partner down on paper, just watch this video of Lakshmi Pratury talking about how valuable her legacy of hand-written letters from her father is to her. Nothing means more than something written just for you. Remember how in the Sex And The City film, it wasn’t other people’s love letters Carrie wanted to read, it was the words Big managed to say, finally, from the heart.

