Comments on: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

By: Cecile

Cecile — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:42:36 +0000

Carrie says: I envy women who marry into money and who don’t have to work. My desire is to be taken care of with no financial concerns and do whatever I want. I’m a Worker Bee with a princess complex.

Danielle says: I envy trust fund babies. And puhlease, don’t tell me, “But you appreciate money more if you have to work for it.” I know that if I were born rich, I’d be incredibly appreciative and productive with it. My desire: affluence, freedom, ease. Which I already have plenty of in my life – and I certainly have it within my power to create more…so maybe my baby has his own trust fund someday.

Cecile says: AMEN to both comments!!

By: Cat

Cat — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 15:20:15 +0000

Hi Xai!

Doing much better, I do believe I reached bottom, now going up again! After reading everyone’s suggestions and advice, I am putting much effort into getting my emotions backing my thoughts, more positive. Not seeing this as the end of all ends, but as *(suggested to me) a new adventure, to reinvent myself. I stop myself when I get scared and stuck, and panicked and take baby steps and baby thoughts, because, I realized looking at the whole picture would overwhelm anyone! I am in a better mind set, and owning this experience. I have to say, that was a VERY, VERY bad morning and day. The people who extended their time and words to me have no notion of how they saved me. I am better, thank you, getting better everyday, though I am realistic that I have to go through this to come out of it. Embracing the journey, instead of being terrified.
Much love,
BIG HUG where ever you may be Xai! ~ Cat Shine on, right!?

By: Xai Vicente Charles

Xai Vicente Charles — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:29:27 +0000

Hi Cat,

Just checking in on you. I saw a little bird on my way to work this morning and thought about you. The little thing was trying to pick up a bug but couldn’t do it at first. I watched him struggle but you know what? He made it. I wonder if he took it back to his family waiting on some tree or he found a quiet branch and feasted all by himself. In any case, he was victorious.

Have a beautiful day and keep on keeping on!

Xai

By: Janet

Janet — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 12:46:11 +0000

Let me correct my mis-type: Try to not put persons, ON a pedestal… you leave them nowhere to go but down.

By: Janet

Janet — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 12:42:07 +0000

Emily neither of us went to “the prom”, but that’s a few hours of a life that has many upholding and inspiring rewards. Sex can be good or not, and is also short-lived. I try to see what I have that is good, differently than the “gratitude attitude”, I try to see what value my partner has for me; if I didn’t I’d be writing Cat’s story above. It’s unrewarding to compare or contrast oneself to another, especially as close as a sister. You can only live your own life, and I’ll bet you’re pretty good at that if you have eccentricity. It’s likely if you let your aural memory speak that you will recall many persons saying literally awe-some and admiring things about you. try to not put persons, maybe like your sister (?), off a pedestal… you leave them nowhere to go but down.

By: Lynda

Lynda — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:21:29 +0000

I agree with you..and understand what you are saying… I don’t know if I actually envy this..but perhaps just wish I experienced this too.

By: Lynda

Lynda — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:13:27 +0000

Wow! This question really hits close to home for me..I never thought about it in just this way…now that I have, I believe I envy those individuals who move to the next level because I too am a goal driven individual. My desire is to also be moving forward and if I’m standing still (and unfortunately right now I am) I become envious, you are so right it is a scream from your soul. Thanks for the question, it came at just the right time!

By: bene

bene — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:34:29 +0000

Darling, I can relate to that! My brother is stunningly handsome and I was a bit jealous about that when I was younger. As I grew up I started to look beautiful as well, but I was not feeling any happier. My brother, whom I love to bits , is bipolar and has never come around to appreciate his good looks because he doesnt have any self-esteem. And to my surprise, he was actually jealous of me when we were kids, because I was artistically gifted. What I am saying is that being pretty is only half the job, being happy, enjoying life and being in touch with your feelings is what matters. Maybe you should talk with your brother, being pretty does not equal being happy! Communicate, be kind with yourself and love yourself for being unique! There is no one out there just like you! Remember that!

By: bene

bene — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:21:57 +0000

Sadly, when I am jealous it is totally superficial! I envy how people look and dress and… Lightbulb moment… I envy people who are able to and dare to express them selves and who they are through what they wear! WOW! Coming to think of it, I am a bit jealous of artists as well, who are able to create for a living. I think that my envy all comes down to being creative and express that in some way! Thank you so much ! As the saying goes: Ask and you will receive !

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 03:04:01 +0000

I already knew my own answer to this question, but for some reason I quickly skimmed the other responses first, so see if there is a common thread, and I came across Cat’s answer. I think that some people are motivated by an envy for something they have never experienced (like the trust fund thing) while others – like me, like Cat – envy people not so much for what they have, but for what we have lost.

Cat, it sounds like you lost your clarity and identity in a relationship but you have been forced to find them again, no matter how hard the process is. You envied the real person you saw within yourself – the one with the beautiful home and successful life and the girlfriends, and that thought at the end of the night could motivate you to get through the day.

Me… I envy 20 year old girls tearing around in convertibles – even if they aren’t particularly pretty. I’m a supposedly beautiful housewife and mom who still works part time as a writer. But I’m 35 and I’m not where I wanted to be. My husband controls every detail of my existence and sometimes I feel like I am in (a nicely decorated) jail. When I was 20 and tearing around in a convertible with my friends, it felt like the whole world was waiting for me to shape it into whatever I wanted it to be. It turned out to be the other way around.

So, while I don’t envy young women their youth or their beauty, I envy them their lack of experience and maybe even their naivete. Or maybe just their freedom.