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Home :: Daily :: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

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Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Daily | June 13th, 2008 by Danielle LaPorte

    “Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”
    Harold Coffin

    Biblically speaking, envy is one of the seven deadly sins. But that doesn’t jibe for us. We side with philosopher Emmanuelle Kant, who defines it as “a reluctance too see our own well-being, overshadowed by another’s.” We see envy as a shout out from your soul. Envy leads you to your desires, and within your desires is your true self.

    Carrie says: I envy women who marry into money and who don’t have to work. My desire is to be taken care of with no financial concerns and do whatever I want. I’m a Worker Bee with a princess complex.
     

    Danielle says: I envy trust fund babies. And puhlease, don’t tell me, “But you appreciate money more if you have to work for it.” I know that if I were born rich, I’d be incredibly appreciative and productive with it. My desire: affluence, freedom, ease. Which I already have plenty of in my life – and I certainly have it within my power to create more…so maybe my baby has his own trust fund someday.
     
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Viewing 73 Comments

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    Sometimes when I get dressed in the morning and I decide to have a casual dress day, I envy the people who decided to dress up. When I decide to dress to impress I envy the people wearing hoodies : (
    I think it has alot to do with being inspired for next time, as well as admiration.
    My desire is to be confidant about my own judgement and at ease with my choices.
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    Hum... very interesting Q & A today.. you're making me revisit the issue of envy... I felt very fortunate to be at a stage in my life where I'm very grateful about my life and where envy wasn't that much of an issue anymore... Never felt at ease with this emotion which seemed so negative, so petty and so useless... but seeing it in this new light : as the expression of one's deep still unnattained desire.. Yes, I still feel envious : I admire and envy artists whose boundless imagination touch us and make us dream; I admire and envy entrepreneurs who have built empires from scratch & have attained the freedom to be philantropists and do good. I also envy (whithout admiring though) anyone who has complete financial independance and never has to make any compromise for material reasons... My desire, my yearning, is to have the freedom and more importantly the courage to explore and exploit all of my abilities (some of them still unexplored) to their fullest extent and to see just how much I can accomplish (and feel accomplished as a human beeing). Thanks a lot for the insight...
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    I envy the rich, the wealth and fortune. When I was younger, my family and I were very poor and the variety of food was not an option. « one day, i’ll be rich, i’ll eat any food i want, i’ll buy Nike shoes and white socks… » He he. June 13, 2008 “I’m so rich, yesterday I spend 4$ on a coffee” My desire is to be worry free financially. I went from envying peanut butter on my bread to a Lamborghini Gallardo… Orange with tinted windows and a Big sound system!
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    I envy women who has a beautiful man,who takes care her needs and desires, finacially and sexually.
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    My world is quickly changing, falling apart around me. Most of my treasures are either packed or have been given away or sold in my recent house sale. My husband is a dreamer and an artist. His negativity is like a 300 pound wet blanket on my chest. He is a talented portrait painter and artist who now works at the post office, a result of his negative attitude towards people, and lack of drive to find gainful employment in his field. He is a talented painter, but cannot represent himself, ego plus his prices have made that go sour as well. I wish not to move, but may be losing my house and home. I am busily working on a large freelance project, sketching all day until my daughter arrives home, and all night till my eyes close. I keep a smile on for those I come across, but have retreated. I may be moving and renting and rebuilding my life in the weeks to come, and especially rediscovering the dormant strengths I have, settled deep inside of me, waiting to be drawn upon in times of need. I am frightened. I will have to reinvent myself, as a company I sent my resume to has shown much interest, and may hire me. I resent and am bitter that the weight of my family, and world will fall upon me. I am not sure I can do all of this with out the help of my husband working. I am at a crossroad in my life. I am 42, tired, and sad, I do not recognize the person I see in the mirror. I used to be beautiful, full of life, empowered, and especially very centered and calm...I am running on empty. I am filled with wishes and dreams, and my mind races at night, and puts me to sleep with the visualization of living in a home that I "own", florals and shabby chic decor, crystal chandeliers, friends, laughter, women's strength, and guidance around me... then I awake to my reality. I am about to embark on CHANGE. I envy women who know WHO they are, are in the PRESENT MOMENT,be it good OR bad, who can recapture where and who they were when they went off track to their TRUE purpose, I envy being REAL, being in the NOW, being FEARLESS, being totally and solidly in the knowledge of "I CAN do this, I WILL survive this, GOOD things will come to me, GLITTER will be sprinkled upon my head once again..." I wish only good things and many blessings. I will send love to you, please send love to me. Much love, Cat
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    I seem to envy two things that I struggle to attain: financial freedom and peace of mind. They will both come in time; almost like falling into a wonderful bed and being wrapped in blankets of love and warmth. I just keep working at them and trying new pieces of the puzzle until I find the right combination.
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    I envy people with a free spirit. People who just know they are taken care of - no matter what. They trust in the universe, in the flow of life and totally believe in themselves. There is a quality of freedom they carry inside of themselves regardless of circumstances. My desire is for this deep connection to myself and others.
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    I envy women who have an intimate relationship with their husband. The type of relationship where he walks with her on a path (literally) or nudges her cheek just because he wanted to touch her or gives a kiss not because it is morning and he feels he must, but because he wants to.
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    I also envy those with the financial means to not have to work. But the funny thing is, the desire beneath this is not the desire to not have to work but to have the affluence, freedom and ease to do more of the work I want to do!
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    I envy those who have the money to travel frequently. I used to travel quite a bit and miss it terribly. I often tell my children about the lessons you can learn immersed in a culture.

    My deep desire beneath this envy is that I crave movement, yet I feel stuck -- stuck in a lack mentality. I do plan little trips I'm determined to take. I want my children to see that we can have fun without being wealthy.
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    I was taught that envy was negative and something to be avoided. I love the interpretation by Emmanuelle Kant. I'm going to use this.

    I have always envied those who have financial security and complete self confidence. I know that if I had no financial worries I could do with my time. I could wake up in the morning and choose what creative thing I would get my hands into. More than anything it would afford me precious time with my family and loved ones. If I had more self confidence I would be unstoppable.
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    Dear Cat...If you read again the answers to the previous "Q&A" "What has been your most significant beginning", you'll notice that many wonderful beginnings started when everything seemed to fall apart. Opportunities for growth are often disquised as setback... Best of luck
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    Cat,

    Your words really touched me. I know how it feels to have a "300 pound wet blanket on your chest." Please remember to love yourself each and every day. Know that you are beautiful and strong. As you said so yourself, you can get through this. Take one step at a time and before you know it you will have reached the other side. The other side is beautiful...amazing.
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    ooh, i have this one, too. i actually can get angry walking behind a beautifully turned out woman on the way into my office, when I am in my battered little nike runabouts with a baggy shirt untucked over my skirt (which has invariably turned all the way around on my waist while i walked so it is on backwards), hair still wet and papers poking out of my nylon bag. not a good way to start a productive day! at least i don't get the opposite thing as much anymore. i have worked out my casual style pretty well - i rarely feel like i have tried too hard or just look wrong in casual situations. i guess my desire is to sort out my work wardrobe just as well, so that every piece of it makes me feel great. i need new walking-to-work shoes, and to buy some skirts that fit my waist. hey, this really helped me focus on what i need here...
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    Ohhh Ya! Trust funds and wealthy mates would make so much possible. I especially envy people who take vacations ....total stress free vacations with no everyday concerns or worries!
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    "after the depths of the deepest coldest winters, always comes spring and summer". Yeah, I know it's just words, but take the time to really feel the change and the possibilities. Focused Time + Passioante Action = your dreams.
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    I envy people who listen to their intuition, take that leap of faith and don't look back. I think very often we get lost in all the constraints the world puts on us that we forget to trust what our inner gut is telling us.
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    Cat, "It is always the darkest before the day." My best advice to you is to allow yourself to live it, feel it,and mourn your losses. Peel the banana and let the sorrow smash out! Then, you just put one foot in front of the other and try to keep moving. "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." (John Wayne). I truly believe that there is a reason and that there is meaning in the things that happen to us but time itself will choose the moment when we understand it all. You are a strong person and times like this come into our lives so that we learn how to fly. So fly my friend....fly.
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    I envy the rich & famous. I desire to be in the spotlight and to live the "Good Life". I want to be invited to all the A-list celebrity parties and events. I want to be in the news. I want famous designers to send me free perks...that I can more than afford to pay for w my own money. Answer me this....why do the rich get things free....while the poor have to spend their hardest earned dollar on the everyday necessities?

    Why do we work our way to the top of the ladder....to do less "grunt/real" work.....but at the bottom is where we grind! Shouldn't it be vice versa.....

    I wish I could be rich and famous so I could use my influence to change the world...similar to Oprah w the school for girls in Africa.
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    I envy women who have close relationships with their mothers. I feel envy when their mothers come to town and take over the management of the household. I envy the meals they make, the books they make for their grandchildren, the babysitting they do and the yardwork they do. The desires behind my envy are: to be nurtured, to have my wants and needs met without having to work hard for them, to surrender and know that someone is willing to totally step up, take over and let me just be. I desire to be understood and known. I desire for comfort.
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    When friends of ours were going through infertility treatments, I found myself totally envious and grew angry and resentful toward my husband. When I examined my feelings, I realized that I was envious that her husband loved her so much to want to have a baby with her so badly that he would go through all of that with her. I am so envious because my reaction is to feel like my husband doesn't love me enough to want to even try to have a baby with me the regular old way, much less to go through the involved process of infertility treatment.
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