I love Valerie Frankel’s novels, but I think I love her recent body image memoir, Thin is the New Happy, even more. It’s brutally honest, painful, shocking and very funny. I interviewed Valerie recently and got some great insight into what motivates and inspires her, not to mention how it felt for her to pose nude for Self Magazine.

Why Did You Write Thin is the New Happy?

I decided to write Thin Is the New Happy when my two daughters reached the age when my bad body image demons were born. I didn’t want them to go through 30 years of chronic dieting, self-loathing, always thinking about their weight as I had. So I set out to conquer these issues, be a better role model for them. Also, I didn’t want the next 30 years to be more of the same. Three decades of a dieting addition was more than enough.

What made you decide to pose in the nude?

Every woman should find a talented portrait photographer and get nekkid. My experience was nerve-wracking. I won’t lie. But, by the end of the three hours, I was more comfortable being nude in public (well, a photo studio), and actually had a good time. The best part was seeing the flattering pix, and having confirmation that, in some poses, in some angles, I looked pretty good. Of course, there were many shots I wouldn’t want to see again—and I quickly deleted them from the portfolio.

You had What Not to Wear presenter Stacy London come to your house and ransack your wardrobe. How did that experience change how you feel about style?

It was a revelatory. Stacy is gifted at honing in on each woman’s particular issues, and she zeroed in on mine: I was using clothes to hide. Too big, too black, nothing fit, nothing flattered. Her message to me was to let clothing make me feel special. Wear things that were bright, flattering, intrinsically valuable, to feel beautiful. Stacy emphasized the core difference between personal style and fashion. Personal style is what a woman wears to feel pretty. Fashion is what trendy drones follow. So I’ve been searching for, buying and wearing items that flatter my body (Stacy helped me with the cuts and colors that would work on me), are pretty and substantial (no more cheap crap). And every day feels better for it. I never would have believed clothes would affect mood as profoundly as they do.

How would you describe your style now?

I still wear a lot of jeans. But they’re nice jeans now, with fitted jackets, colorful shirts, and an ever expanding collection of accessories (shoes, jewelry, belts, etc.). I want to look casual (as a freelance writer/Mom), but sharp in that each individual article of clothing fits perfectly, is artful and chic, and goes with the rest. I love one of Stacy’s mantras: Clothes shouldn’t match; they should go. My clothes go.

What would you say is the one most important thing women can do to address their body image issues?

First order of business: Stop dieting. If you can give up the obsessiveness of food planning and restriction, learn to eat when hungry and stop when full, you’ll be able to deal with the emotional issues that spur on chronic dieting. Dieting, as I wrote in the book, is a convenient distraction from the real problems and issues women need to deal with. Instead of figuring out why she has so much self-loathing, she’ll diet instead. If you stopped dieting, you’d free up the mind to face the larger issues.

What would you say is the prime contributing factor to our culture’s “thin” obsession?

My mother put me on my first diet at age 11. Boys in middle school started teasing me when I was 13. I had the self-loathing fat-girl mindset way before I paid attention to movie stars and magazines. The deeper emotional issues, about feeling unworthy or unloved, come from people you know in your life. Family, peers, boyfriends, etc., and not from cultural influences that are the wallpaper of life. They decorate the house, but they’re not where you really live. Honestly, can anyone sustain real emotional damage by reading magazines? I don’t think so. It had to be deeper than that.

What inspires you?

My kids inspire me to be a better person. If I never had kids, I’d probably be the most narcissistic selfish emotionally unaware person on Earth.

Recommended and Related

Thin is the New Happy, by Valerie Frankel

Photo by heavyweightgeek.