Comments on: Real Men Want Name-Changers

By: happilymarried

happilymarried — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:37:50 +0000

Fred, what a wonderful representation you are of your family, to the external world. Your wife must be so proud.

Rick, you may have those instincts, but you may be surprised to hear that, as a woman, I have them too. However, I think those instincts are best left in the cave.

I think it would be better if you made an effort and ensured that your sons and daughters knew that they are equally entitled to their surname. Unfortunately, this is not the example that is set where a woman changes her name on marriage and where a husband thinks it is the "right" thing for her to do so. The example you will / have set for your girls is that she only has the right to her surname until she is "re-named" by her husband, but your sons are entitled to bear their surname their whole lives, and even to recruit another person to it. How can you think it is right, whatever the dynamics of your relationship with your wife, to favour your male children over your female children?

For the record, my husband has his own name, I have mine and our children have both. At this stage, the girls want to give my name to their future children and the boys want to do likewise with my husband's name. Ironically, if you are looking for lineage, my husband's and my names stand a greater chance of surviving the generations than yours does. Imagine you have / had only female children and they inherited your views, or indeed married men with your views?

By: fred

fred — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:54:30 +0000

Real men won't marry women who won't change their lastname.
The man represents the family to the external world.
If she won't submit from the start…then forget it.

By: Heather Walker

Heather Walker — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 01:54:34 +0000

Imagine the plight of the feminist (e.g. me) who wants to change her name but feels ethically bound to keep her own. I want to take my sweetie's name because I like it, and because it would help us present a “united front” as a couple, and because it will (as you say) make life so much easier for our future children. Yet I can't help feeling like I'm surrendering to the whimsical sexism of our silly social conventions.

By: Rick Juliusson

Rick Juliusson — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:02:41 +0000

It doesn't seem “right” at all, just what I and many men somehow feel deep within. That's why I wrote this article, to try to explore it and explain it a bit to myself if not to others. And now that it's done and published, I'm still not sure I understand.

By: Rick Juliusson

Rick Juliusson — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:02:29 +0000

Hmm, I actually meant to imply that I hope my boys are even stronger (ie, more of a “real man”) than me, and fully open to changing their last name. But your comment does make me wonder what reaction men who have changed their name face right now. I personally would not think they're any less “manly”, but I do wonder if society in general looks down on them. Anyone out there with experience of this?

By: Elisabeth

Elisabeth — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:02:23 +0000

When my husband and I chose to marry each other, I warned him I would not change my name. I am attached to my name; there are very few of us in the world, so it's unusual and unique. Also, since my mother's death my nuclear family became very tight-knit and I am very possessive of the connection. My husband's name is fairly common and ordinary; there is one famous person with his same first and last name, and one with my first and his last. Why on earth would I want that name too?
My husband, of course, is man enough to have no problem with that.

It helps that we don't and won't have kids. I can appreciate the complexity they add.

By: Natasha_L

Natasha_L — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:09:02 +0000

Why does it seem right to give your children their father's name and not yours? Seems absurd considering women carry, birth, and in most cases raise the children. I agree hyphenating can get a bit ridiculous and not sure what the solution is here…
I think it's also worth considering whose name has more tied to it legally especially if there are other cultures involved (i.e. land that's inherited by name, etc…)

By: Suzyn

Suzyn — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 01:20:29 +0000

I didn't even think of changing my name, until I had kids. It just seemed right to give them their father's name, and then it just seemed wrong to have a different last name than my kids. My husband had never pressured me to change it, but he was VERY happy when I did!

By: STL Mom

STL Mom — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:25:09 +0000

I didn't change my name when I got married, but after I had kids I kind of wish I had. It's annoying to call for playdates saying, “This is Jane Doe, Billy Smith's mom.” Also, my husband teases the kids, saying that I must not be a member of the family since I don't have the same name as everyone else (don't worry, my kids defend me.)

By: Christopher

Christopher — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 23:56:08 +0000

Ha -I agree with everything you said here!