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As a child, I loved “Tom and Jerry.” Actually, I still do. I mean, who doesn’t find it funny to watch that silly cat chasing after a sneaky mouse and failing time after time?

My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter. That’s who.

The first time she was exposed briefly to said cat and mouse on TV, she was almost two. Instead of giggling or firing her usual set of questions (”Who is that? Is that a cat? Is that a mouse? Where did the mouse go? What is the cat’s name?”), she started to cry. She just happened to witness one of those scenes where Tom gets whacked, trips, flies, and lands on his head with a huge bump . . . and she burst into tears. She promptly asked me to turn it off and climbed onto my lap for a hug. This fun-loving, extroverted, friendly kid who loves to hug strangers found nothing funny about a silly cat getting hurt.

Kids Who Empathize

But I shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, children are born with the capacity to understand pain and empathize. And the sooner we tap into that ability and streamline it in a positive, constructive manner, the more likely we are to raise a child who grows up to be caring and compassionate as an adult.

Raising compassionate kids is actually easier than getting them to eat broccoli, because they already know how to empathize. All we have to do is to encourage their inborn compassion and show them ways to express it. Yes, it’s possible–even in these times when peace and universal love sound like unrealistic concepts on the verge of extinction.

How to Do It

1. Encourage them to fix things.
Whether it’s a broken toy, a torn book, or a tattered teddy bear, show them how a little care and sticky tape can help “heal.” This reinforces a desire to try to make people feel better when they’re in pain.

2. Read stories with an emphasis on compassionate characters.
Most children’s stories are sprinkled with compassionate, helpful characters. While reading to your child, take a few extra minutes to emphasize those characters and their kindness. Wasn’t it nice of the dwarves to let Snow White stay with them? How sweet of the woodcutter to look out for Granny! Do you think Cinderella should be nice to her stepsisters even though they weren’t nice to her? Ask questions and give reminders to help your child think about compassion, forgiveness, and generosity.

3. Expose them to real-life compassion.
Introduce your child to age-appropriate human-interest stories. Tell her about Mother Teresa, or explain how Gandhi and Dr. King fought back without being violent. Any parent would attest to the fact that children almost always know and understand more than we give them credit for. And since kids love repetition, you can actually get away with telling the same stories over and over and adding more details each time.

4. Show compassion yourself.
Since you are your kids’ biggest inspiration and learning center, at least for the first few years, pay attention to how you handle situations that warrant compassion, be it on the road, in a store, or at home. If you’re making a donation to charity, tell your child what you are doing, why, and how it will help someone. If you volunteer, take older kids along on one of your projects so they can see what you do.

5. Set and enforce rules.
We don’t make or stick to too many rules at home. However, there is one rule that I won’t budge from when it comes to my daughter: no violent games or toys. I simply do not believe in encouraging her to hit or act in a manner that might inflict pain intentionally, even if it’s just with a stuffed toy. Some of my friends think I go too far. But to me, the act of hitting and being aggressive is unacceptable, no matter who (or what) the target.

And even if my daughter does end up throwing or hitting one of her toys, she knows that she needs to go pick it up, cuddle it, apologize, and make its “boo-boo” go away. I don’t even have to remind her of that anymore. So, while my house may be a mess and I am yet to tackle sleep training, I’m relieved that my daughter is one amazing bundle of love and compassion.

6. Let kids do their bit.
I could swear by the classic “let them help” tip, which works 99.9% of the time. Whether I’m unloading the dishwasher or wiping the cabinets, if I entrust a “job” to my little helper, I know that she will be more than willing to do it. Extend this to situations where your child can help someone else, too. Visiting a sick grandparent? Maybe your child could read to her or make a pretty bouquet. Do you help out at the senior center or with the food bank? Enlist your kid’s help in packing a meal. The earlier your kids learn that charity is a responsibility and not a choice, the closer we are to creating a more compassionate, peaceful world.

7. Avoid exposing them to violence, even the virtual kind.
My daughter’s reaction to “Tom and Jerry” reminded me of something very important -that violence, even when not real, has a disturbing impact. So, be it video games or cartoons, movies, news, or toys, I need to be extra-careful in what I expose to my child. I know that some day she’ll realize that cruelty exists in her world. Eventually, she may learn to accept it or perhaps even ignore it. But I want to do everything I can to postpone that, at least until she has an opportunity to see the difference that kindness and compassion make.

And as for me, I’m still recovering from my shameful enjoyment of Jerry’s antics while my pre-preschooler was wailing and feeling sorry for Tom.