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When we made the decision to have a second child, one of my biggest worries was how it would affect our son, Harry. In a total reversal of roles, my husband David could only see the positives — he was worried that Harry was lonely and a little brother or sister would be a great thing for him. I was worried that Harry would resent the new baby. And we were fine on our own, weren’t we? Why risk spoiling everything?

But David talked me round and now the new baby is due…very soon. And I’ve tried hard to prepare Harry for what will probably be the biggest change he’ll ever experience. (Just after my sister gave birth to her second son, I can remember looking at her firstborn and breaking into tears, thinking “You have no idea what’s coming!”)

So how can you prepare a first child for the arrival of a second?

Be Honest With Your Firstborn

We’ve always tried to be extremely open with Harry, and so we told him about the baby almost as soon as we knew ourselves. Friends advised us not to, saying that the constant refrain of “When’s the baby coming?” would drive us mad, but Harry hasn’t really bothered with that. He knows that the baby will “go pop” (his words) after Christmas and that’s fine.

We also took Harry to midwife appointments so he could hear the baby’s heartbeat and he was extremely proud to see his little brother on the ultrasound.

Don’t Use The New Baby As A Threat

Suggest to other family members (who shall remain nameless) that they refrain from using the baby as a threat. I’ve been driven demented by comments like, “If you don’t eat your dinner, the baby will eat it” and “When the baby comes you’ll have to give him your nighttime nappies.”

I’ve also avoided comments like “You’ll love the baby so much” because, you know, he might not. I don’t expect Harry to love the baby immediately – why would he? – and I’m fine with that. It’s not up to me to tell him how to feel.

We have said things like, “It will be lots of fun when the baby’s here” but a friend of mine took a different tack: “I did lots of talking about how babies aren’t very interesting and how they cry and how I needed Martha to help me. Lots of ‘we’re in this together, kiddo’ type talking, rather than ‘it’s going to be brilliant’.”

You can judge what will work best with your child’s personality. (Harry’s not so keen on the helping!)

Accentuate the Positives of Being A Sibling

My friend, Sarah, puts it perfectly: “I made a big fuss of Martha being the big sister and how, because she was older, she had a later bedtime, could watch certain things, could help with fun things that the baby couldn’t do. I didn’t want being the ‘big one’ to be all about helping and responsibility – I tried to make it be about getting to do ‘cool’ stuff, too.”

Give a Gift “From The Baby”

Harry is really keen to buy presents for the baby. And he was also quick to learn that he’ll also be able to share them. For the past eight months, any time Harry has requested anything and been refused, he’s said, “Baby will like it!”

But apparently it’s even more important to buy a present for the older child “from” the baby. Harry would like Elmo Live! — I’ve told him the baby’s not made of money (joking!).

Make a Fuss Over Your First Child

Yes, for the first few months (at least) everyone will inevitably be more interested in the baby than the older child. But you should try and make sure that you greet your older child first and remember to make a fuss over them too. And, as far as you can, get guests to do the same.

I’m also planning to have a selection of small wrapped gifts that I can give to Harry whenever the baby gets another present.

Distract Older Siblings

Of course, for a while, much of your time is going to be taken up with the baby and so the older child will need distractions (unless you’re happy to have your older child pulling on your elbow saying, “How much longer? When can you play? Can we go out? Are you nearly finished yet?” every single time you sit down for a feed).

This is where the gifts mentioned above can come into their own: a selection of new (or rediscovered) books and DVDs, sticker books, Playdoh, etc., that you can delve into for fraught moments.

Read All About The New Baby

If your child is a book-lover, there are some great books on this very subject:

There’s a House Inside My Mummy by Giles Andreae
A charming rhyming story, which is great for introducing the concept of a new baby and some of the issues of pregnancy. (”Sometimes Mummy feels so sick I don’t know what to do, but if I had a house in me I’d feel quite poorly too.”)

Little Tiger’s Big Surprise by Julie Sykes
Particularly good if your child doesn’t like the idea of a new baby. Little Tiger is happy being an “only cub” and doesn’t even like babies… but he comes around.

Little Monster Did It by Helen Cooper
If your older child is resenting the time and care required by the new baby, this one’s for you.

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