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I went through all my wedding photos today, finally, after four years of marriage and thought about the things I would change if I had to do it all over again and the things I would do exactly the same way. Things I would change:

1] The “Millennium Barbie” Tiara – enough said.

2] Having open seating at dinner – my mother-in-law ended up sitting next to my father-in-law, whom she hadn’t seen in forty years due to a nasty divorce. And when my father-in-law got a little wine in him, he shouted, “Let me show you how to do it, son” and he French kissed his new wife (twenty years younger) right in front of the poor woman. I thought she was going to throw up her salmon pate.

3] Cutting the last twenty – I miss the extra relatives and friends we decided to scratch off our dinner list to save coin. In particular my cousin, Danny. Okay, he has six kids but I grew up with the guy. He should have been there. And all his duplications.

4] Cheaping Out On The Bombiniaris – Italian custom: you give a gift to each guest that comes to your wedding as a parting reminder and thank-you. We had a tight budget but I liked the concept. I bought really cheap candles and wrapped them in tulle. Any idea how long that took me? The night before my wedding I was in tears still wrapping the little time suckers. To my great shame I saw them reappear at my very classy Zia’s house the following Christmas. She lit them especially in our honor and they instantly melted all over her billion dollar table cloth. Busted.

5] Not having a solid exit plan – We ended up cleaning the hall ourselves, two in the morning, sweeping the floor in my wedding gown, loading up presents. The caterer was supposed to put the “boosta” (cards with cash) in the cooler periodically throughout the evening for safe keeping. I headed to the back: the cooler was empty and the caterer was gone. We went through every inch, every box, every present. Nothing. We were sick about it, up all night, all that generosity wasted. Next day, the best man calls and says, “hey, did you find the boosta? I shoved in one of the empty beer crates.” We ran out to the recycling bin and rescued it just in time. Close call!

Things I would do again:

1] Marry for love
2] Blow up a large photograph with a wide mat and have every guest sign the picture instead of a guest book. It’s a great keepsake.

3] Get a qualified but relaxed photographer who will take only a few formal shots and a bunch of informal, then let us do our own unlimited copies.

4] Instead of a wedding cake, have many small cakes on a huge three tiered fruit tray, decorated with flowers, for people to nibble at during the dance. Delicious, beautiful and economical.

5] Have a smaller formal dinner with close friends and family. You know, the ones who actually want to hear the speeches. We had seventy five people seated at 6pm. Then we invited another two hundred to a big dance with a snacky generous buffet at 9pm. the new influx of people injected renewed energy into the party, the formal meal was long since tucked away, nobody felt put out (in fact, many friends were delighted to come later for the “fun part”) and this way we got to invite everyone we wanted to on our budget.