Pearl Mattenson asks: What have you stopped being curious about? And…what would be possible if you let yourself get curious again?
Daily | October 24th, 2008
- Who my new across-the-street neighbors are?
- Where the recycling collectors on our street go home to?
- Who is wearing the clothes I donate to the Vietnam Veteran’s Association?
- What makes my husband laugh when he is watching TV in the next room?
- Why am I keeping myself so busy?
- What relationships have I let slip out of my life?
You already know Pearl from her regular wisdom doses on our blog. Our resident Relationship Coach always gets us thinking deeper and bigger…
Carrie says: Curiosity is the key to creativity. Asking: How does this work? What if? Wonder what? I yearn for more creativity, this question reveals how I’m suppressing my curiosity. If I let myself be more curious I would be savoring daily delights with people and creating beauty in my life; photos, books, food, fashion and home, well…everything!
Danielle says: I’ve stopped being actively curious about each of my parents. Sigh. I take their history for granted, as if I know the whole story. If I engaged in some memory-lane questions about their own stories, who knows what I’d find…softening, sadness, affirmation, some wicked laughs.
Pearl says: I have started to think about this question more as I watch my two teenage boys move swiftly into adolescence. In the time it took me to go from packing extra cheese sticks in my purse to making sure their cell numbers were programmed into my phone—my boys have gone from “But, why?” to “Yeah, I know.” Their curiosity about everything and anything was certainly trying at times but it was my constant reminder not to take anything for granted. It was also a reason to pause and ponder. It prodded me to find things out and connect to new people and ideas. When we stop being curious we start to get cynical and close ourselves off from the wonder of the world around us. So I started to examine what I have stopped being curious about. The longer my list, the closer I got to some pretty core issues in my life. Here are a few things from the beginning and end of my list. I have stopped being curious about…
Carrie makes room for creativity in her day, with these inexpensive, personalized greeting cards.
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October 24th, 2008 at 12:44 am
I've stopped being curious about why someone doesn't like me. I'm not as curious about
other people's lives. I'm not even that curious about what makes me tick. What I have not
stopped being curious about are my passions: astrology, fashion, literature, moviemaking, the great big wide world, what's happening with the soldiers fighting our wars and what happens to them as they return as veterans.
October 24th, 2008 at 2:04 am
Yours is the curiousity that can change the world Constance! Thanks…
October 24th, 2008 at 4:28 am
I've stopped being curious about my husband. We are together so much our days that I feel like I've lived his day as well as my own. I've stopped being curious about gardening ever since I moved into a condo. I can't seem to think of any more, but I will surely think of things as soon as I click send lol
October 24th, 2008 at 4:58 am
I tried to pretend I wasn't, but I'm definitely struggling with my curiousity about sex and romance. Having been with my boyfriend for awhile I'm forgetting what a huge stud he really is haha!
I've also stopped being curious into other ppl's lives, and feel like I'm becoming more self-indulged. So I will try to make a concerted effort to reach out and learn something new about someone new today.
October 24th, 2008 at 5:05 am
I've lost my curiosity for boats, sailing and water sports. Why spend time on what you can't do. Over time, I've developed an intense curiosity as to why people do what they do, why and how do they make decisions about intensely serious matters and then change their mind a third of the way into the commitment? Why do they chose to act on a whim versus waiting for sufficient information to make a decision? Of course based on the current research, people are most curious about that which they are most afflicted with, which puts me in the middle of the pile I suppose. That only increases my curiosity. I'm also beginning to build an intense curiosity for how we might begin to heal one another without spending huge amounts of money or turning over our need for healing to megalithic corporate enterprises. Our Great-Great-Grandparents could do it, why can't we?
October 24th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Can't help but notice there is no “to do” that follows on your struggle with curiousity about sex and romance! Have you described him in your journal recently? Photographed him? One of my favorite intimacy builders is to build your “love map” a la John Gottman. It is really a game where you try to guess things about each other– what does he fear most? What is his unrealized dream? How does he love to be soothed? Let him do this for you too.
October 24th, 2008 at 5:11 am
You're on a roll! I love your questions- they send me to so many new places to explore.
October 24th, 2008 at 5:54 am
Since I became a mother 10 years ago, I stopped becoming curious about myself…which is what drew me to Style Statement. The moment I realized I had lost touch with myself was when I walked into a large department store to find an outfit for a special occassion. I stood in the doorway and had no idea what I liked anymore. It took me almost 20 minutes and some tears to remember I liked red. So, I am becoming curious about my own life again. What might be possible? I could live my “one wild and precious life.” (thank you Mary Oliver)
October 24th, 2008 at 6:01 am
I agree with Danielle. I do not know a lot about my Mom's parents. I've stopped asking. Her Dad passed away when she was in college and her Mom when I was only 5. It seems like a tough topic, so I've stopped being curious. I'm closer to my Dad's side anyway.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Hmmmmm, I stopped being curious about starting my own bookstore. Its not that I don't want it – I do, for lots of different reasons. But I guess it seems so overwhelming – finding the space, coming up with start-up costs, etc. It feels lreally daunting. I had been doing alot of research, but somehow lost my steam.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:15 am
Oh Nia,
I know there is a passion and a dream behnd your desire for starting that bookstore? That is what i am curious about!
October 24th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Do you know what I love in this poignant comment? The fact that you walked into that store looking for what you liked and NOT what you would look good in!
October 24th, 2008 at 7:02 am
I'm with Danielle – you think you know your loved ones.
You've heard the stories so many times that you just accept them and move on. I want to ask more questions when I hear those stories…
October 24th, 2008 at 7:05 am
I've stopped being curious what other people think of me, AND THAT IS A VERY GOOD THING! I have stopped living my life based on other people's preconceptions and misconceptions of me or even my family. The rest of it, life, I am just a large toddler. The first thing out of my mouth is Why…
October 24th, 2008 at 7:08 am
I've stopped being as curious about the world, and its development as I once was. After graduating university with a degree in international development, I was all fired up about working effectively at the grassroots level in South Asia. People told me they could feel my passion. But that fire, and curiousity to seek knowledge about developing nations and communities fizzled after working in the field and in Ottawa. It's time to start reading and connecting again.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Light the way for all of us Licaritt!
October 24th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Fizzled is an interesting word, Kirsty. PUts me in mind of soda fizz that eventually does just run out. But sometimes we can speed up the process when we leave the top off for too long. What do you think?
October 24th, 2008 at 7:28 am
I am endlessly curious – that is why I spend a good part of my life in Barnes and Noble and Borders Bookstores. The fact that I am so curious makes it extremely difficult to deal with the routine and mundane aspects of life. If something does not engage my curiousity and creativity, then I have a tough time staying interested. Does anyone have suggestions for making the more mundane aspects of life tolerable?
October 24th, 2008 at 7:30 am
I've lost my curiousity about what I would look like if I were 10…20…30…40 pounds thinner (it increases by decade). I only obsess about it now for health reasons – I want to be lithe enough to roll around on the floor with my future grandchildren.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Would love to hear what others think about this but here is my two cents that comes from just having read Abby Seixas' Finding The Deep River Within. She talks about the idea of presence and getting curious not about what we do (which is sometimes mundane- like washing dishes) but how we do it…) Getting really curious and present to waht is happening in our body? What feelings are associated with this activity? What appreciation can we express in this moment, etc…
October 24th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Great question! I was recently at a course where this question was posed. I have not stopped becoming curious about anything! I am SOOOO curious about everything in life right now, so much that it has been defined as a 'driving need' for me. “ie: Driving Need: I would crawl over broken glass to get it met destructively or constructively!”
I love being curious about life: books, the net, people, home decor, my kids, games, plants, cars, new career, etc, etc… and the best one? Curious about MYSELF! Fun!
October 24th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I too am like this! (See my post a few below yours)…. Embrace it!
What a wonderful gift! The world needs people like YOU (and me) to keep movement! I get very bored, very quickly, but I know that if in my life I am living 'on purpose' then those little things become more enjoyable!
Oh, and you could always read while doing the dishes, etc… LOL!
October 24th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I suppose I've stopped being curious about my career. It was all I thought about for years. I'll ask myself until it comes to me, what do I want to do with the next five years?
October 24th, 2008 at 8:23 am
I've always been curious about my origins but never put action to thought. I was adopted when I was six weeks old by the most wonderful parents — and I truly have claimed their heritage. Sometimes I forget it isn't mine biologically.
But when I was pregnant, full of a growing baby and wild hormones, I wept one day, realizing that my birth mother experienced none of the positive emotions and happy expectations that I and everyone in my life gave me during that time. It was 1969 and she was sequestered, sent away to a home for unwed mothers. And when I gave birth to my son four years ago (tonight at 7:45 {at a midwife attended homebirth} to be exact!) I had this overwhelming epiphany: Wow! Here is the one and only other person who has EVER been in my life that I'm linked to genetically.
I'm rambling, but my point is that I'm more intrinsically curious about my biological origins as I look into the inquisitive blue eyes of my son (that are the same color as mine that are the same color as my birth mother's {one of the few “nonidentifying” facts I know}). What would happen if I acted on this curiosity and tried to find her? (The NC law changed Jan. 1 of this year, making it a bit easier to do.) I don't know. And maybe it's the unknown that keeps holding me back.
I don't seek a mother or father; those roles are filled. But I would like to tell my birth mother that I'm well, that my childhood was wonderful overall, that I have always been grateful to her and thankful for her selflessness. I would look into her blue eyes and say that I love her for giving me my beginning … and if she holds any blame or shame, then please, release it!
October 24th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Emily-Sarah
Happy birthday to you and your son! Sounds like a lot of love and connection and compassion came into the world with your child.
October 24th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Maybe “career” is no longer the operative word. What do you want to do with your life and your gifts for the next 5 years? Does that open anything up?
October 24th, 2008 at 10:11 am
I wonder why I have lost my curiosity about other countries and cultures. Too busy .. too committed? If I change myself, I could consider bringing my professionalism around mindfulness, meditation and yoga to countries who are wanting such teaching. In doing so, I could create new friends and learn abundantly.
October 24th, 2008 at 10:13 am
I've stopped being curious about other places. I always wanted to travel somewhere, but I was always broke or preoccuppied. There was always a compelling reason to stay home, even though I truly wanted to travel somewhere far away.
Now, I could probably afford to travel if I really wanted to. However, I find that I am content on the west coast – in the mountain trails and especially on the beaches. It's where I belong and I have no desire to be anywhere else. A little local travel is nice, especially on boats, but I no longer want to get lost.
October 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Curiosity is a close cousin of interest. The desire to know and understand is integral to being human and to learning. Knowledge has become confused with information.Most humans learn by doing and being engaged.Many humans who rely on information restrict their activities and their experiences, believing that they already know. We cannot learn when we think we already know! And when we think we know, our creative spirit becomes imprisoned in the absence of discovery and the lack of interest ……………
October 24th, 2008 at 11:09 am
“We can not learn when we think we already nkow” LOVE THAT!
October 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I've stopped being so curious about why other mamas do things the way they do. I've gotten more curious about about why I do what I do and why is it that I get pulled out of using my values, gut, heart to guide me and validate my choices. I want to follow my curiousity around what will facilitate me being more self-referencing.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Thank you!
October 24th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Pearl, you're a genius.
Personally, I'm terribly proud to say that I am at a curiosity peak in my life. Even the smallest things garner at LEAST a “huh! who knew?” from me. I'm loving it.
October 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Thank you Traci. Shoulda known C & D enthusiasts would be ahead of the curve!
October 24th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I'm OK with not being curious these days…….I finally feel that I am now needed to help my sons solve their curious mysteries……and that is very gratifying.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I know this sounds silly, but I think there is a way to spice up anything. Reading a new book on my lunch hour is like being in a different place….buying a new mug for my morning commute is nicer than a paper cup….listening to my new ipod music while watching my boys at the hockey arena…. taking a nice bath in the morning BEFORE the craziness starts…..you see…let your creativity flow. Your friend, Feminine Creative
October 24th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
I would like to be curious about literature again. I keep making excuses for why I'm not reading more (work, baby, etc…) but the reality is I've just allowed it not to be a priority, and I've let myself forget how important books can be. I used to read at least one novel a week, and I think reading real literature is so critical to one's overall curiosity about the world.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I would like to be more curious about the origins of words. I used to know so much about the etymology of the words I loved; as a child, I loved to read the dictionary. Maybe it's a consequence of using mostly online dictionaries, but I don't open that book and dip into it and wander around like I used to. Maybe I should pick up a new volume of words!
October 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Daniel and Catherine–books and words–I am right with you. Actually I sued to read 3-4 novels a week-and I am lucky now if I read 1 every few months. An author I love for her writing, good stories and interst in words is Carol Goodman- all of her books are winners. See what you think.
October 25th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
not being curious about why someone doesn't like you is a great curiosity to let go of!
October 26th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Funny thing is, I haven't stopped being curious. Being a writer, I see story possiblities in everything I see and hear. If I lost my curiousity, I think I would lose my ability to write.
BTW, this blog has been nominated. Be sure to check out my blog.
October 27th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Hello Pearl,
Thank you for your response. I am trying her to be “in the moment” more often, but I am such a future oriented person that it can be a struggle. However, reminders such as these always help. Cindy
October 27th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Hi Marn,
Thanks for the encouragement. I love being curious, but it certainly can make it difficult to stick with things that I find boring or uninteresting. I like the idea of doing something enjoyable while doing something that is not enjoyable – somehow, I keep forgetting to do that. However, when I do, it definitely makes it easier.
Cindy