“Look at the elephant, Nicky! She’s all wrinkly!” - Granny
“Just like you, Granny!” – Nicky
We did our best. We really really did. But kids tell it like it is. And poor Granny now has an arsenal of anti-wrinkle creams whose R&D budget is on par with NASA’s. But short of getting botulinum toxins injected into your face (gah!), there’s not much you can do but quit smoking, drink a lot of water and accept that gravity’s a bitch.
When I hit thirty, I fell prey to a cosmetics counter hawker’s line: “It really is time to start using an eye cream”. She was wearing a lab coat so she must have been qualified to know this! So I waltzed away with an impossibly-priced Jar of Hope. Later, when I met my mom for lunch, she said, “If those really worked, don’t you think we’d all look like twelve-year-olds?”. She had a point. But my mom was gloriously gray early, never put anything but olive oil on her skin and frankly, looked her age. But she wore it proudly and her beauty tip was the confidence of not particularly giving a damn.
I, on the other hand, am on an epic quest for the single best skincare routine in the known universe and beyond. I go into paroxyms of anxiety in department stores because, unless I know EXACTLY what I want, I am basically a deer in headlights with a big target painted on my ass and a visible thought bubble that reads, “I have this money… and I’d like to get rid of it…what do you think I should do?” Guaranteed, someone will have a few suggestions. I had no idea that I needed a line-defense-retinol-complex-enzyme-serum! And frankly, I am SHOCKED that I haven’t been using one. Or nine.
It was bemusement that brought me to Paula Begoun’s Don’t Go To The Cosmetics Counter Without Me. It weighs nearly as much as Paula herself.
The basic premise of this book is: here’s what most people need, here’s what’s out there, and most of it’s bullshit. My first clue about the bullshit, came when I had to call Poison Control after my daughter snacked on half a jar of night cream.
Poison Control: “Okay, WHAT is it called?”
me: “ Tourmaline-charged night recovery complex with fumaria extract. “
Poison Control: “Woah….just a sec….okay, give her some water. She’ll be fine.”
Me: “But won’t the tourmaline alter her pH balance!?”
Poison Control: “No, I think she’s pretty safe.”
Me: “You mean tourmaline doesn’t actually DO anything?!…hello?”
Back to Paula Begoun’s book. For anyone who wants great skin, and a great bank account balance – this is your book. She cuts through the hype, gives you the facts, and her website features even more education. Paula Begoun is a crusador for women. Her message is: We want beauty, we want truth, and we want to save money.
Top 3 Things I Learned About Skincare:
1. There is no such thing as healthy sun exposure.
2. Skin wrinkles. Get over it.
3. Exfoliation is your friend.
Paula has her own products now, and while she could shamelessly promote only them, she is quite fair in her assessment of others that deliver similarly. But hers give you the absolute basics at a price to match. And with a guarantee, there’s nothing to lose - except some zits.
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