I did not expect my heart to be won by a pizza mix. I appreciate the finer ingredients and my favorite meal is gourmet salad served with French bread dipped in olive oil. Eating a dubious cheese pizza prepared from a boxed mix might seem like a traumatic fall, but my heart had other priorities. A man willing to impress me by making an effort in the kitchen was a huge turn-on, especially since he added personal touches.
I admit to a limited history with men who cook. On special occasions, my father grilled on a hibachi, but never prepared side dishes. I learned to eat whatever he made with a side of pre-sliced bread and love it. When I worked as a chef, the owner cooked for his family almost every evening, but knowing that many of the top chefs were men and many of them also were the primary home cooks didn’t register with me at the time. I believed men in general married to gain a cook.
My man’s willingness to serve a chef pizza from a box made him special. He wasn’t trying to compete with me; sharing was his goal. One shared moment led to food samplings, intimacy and commitment. We might not be considered fully compatible, but his strengths complement mine and I am willing to share my private kitchen with him.
While there are no absolutes, there are a few variables for a sensual dinner that should always be considered.
Create That Sensual Meal
Find out or discover the guest’s favorites and definitely ask about food allergies. If a person is interested, the meal will be secondary, but making note and cooking for special preferences and needs shows attentive listening and that translates to wild appreciation. The man who won my heart adapts meals to my vegetarian tastes.
Before I moved to France, one of the biggest warnings I got was about “culture shock,” but I just laughed. It wasn’t as though I was leaving for a hut in a third world village without potable water. Whenever I had to deal with the post office closing at midday on Wednesday or Monoprix going on strike, I jokingly blamed it on culture shock, the ever invisible, ever looming bad guy. It wasn’t until I returned to North America that I actually experienced culture shock: suddenly jolted back into my old patterns, I finally realized how slowly and invisibly my attitude towards the simplest things had been changing. It all had to do with one thing: time.
How the French See Time
Time in France and time in America are not the same. In France, time is an approximate concept. “Sept heures” can mean fifteen or even twenty past seven. This tendency is just a symptom of the real difference between the two cultures: whereas the American culture is based on “faire,” to do, to achieve, to accomplish, to make, French culture is based on “être,” to be.
In America, we run our lives with day planners and calendars. We plan each minute of our days down to our twenty-five minute lunch breaks. In France, if it doesn’t get done today, it will get done tomorrow; if there is something better to do, your appointments are insignificant.
If you want to get ahead, you have to hit the books. That’s true in school, and probably even more so once you’ve graduated and nobody’s holding your hand anymore, telling you what to read and giving you good grades for it. Every endeavor or profession has its requisite reading material, but here’s a list of must-reads for success at anything.
1. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – It’s best to go ahead and get this one out of the way up front. Especially if you’re trying to make your foray into the business world, chances are this book has influenced anyone you’re trying to befriend or influence. It’s really intended to help people in sales and marketing, but these days a big part of success in anything, whether you’re an artist or a web programmer, is being able to promote yourself. It used to be called putting your best foot forward. Now it’s called “building your personal brand.” Whatever it is, this book will help you figure out how to do it.
2. The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho – This is a really great read, and quick, too. This fictional story of a young shepherd’s quest for his destiny isn’t written for professional success, but the personal inspiration you’ll feel after reading it could certainly be applied to your career. Achieving one’s personal best is a major theme of this book, as is the notion that what we want and what we need is not always the same thing. Americans put this book in the realm of literature, but the author is regarded as more of a self-help writer in his native Brazil. Po-tay-to/Po-tah-to. Whatever. I just know it’ll make you feel like you can do anything.
Santa isn’t the only one with a list around this time of year. Holidays inspire reflection, and part of that reflection is often the reevaluation of our love lives. Single ladies and fellows may have a list this time of year; I’d like to encourage them to check it twice.
Creating That Soul Mate
At some point, most of us create a list – sometimes on paper, sometimes just in our heads. We brainstorm important qualities we value in a mate. Some lists are very detailed and arranged in order of priority, emphasizing must-haves and deal-breakers. They range from physical attributes to personal habits to religious beliefs. My list emphasized the concept that my dream man must be in the ballpark of my height and though he didn’t have to be a yogi, he had to be open to trying a class – he couldn’t be one of those guys who says yoga is for girls (those types of men seriously need to open up their heart charkas).
Don’t You Want Me, Baby?
My friend Tammie had an extensive list. Cuban, Mexican and Jewish, Tammie would prefer her future husband to both share her faith and speak Spanish. Also — she’d be thrilled if he wore glasses and fuzzy sweaters and had an appreciation for new wave 80’s pop. Over the years, we tried to find Tammie’s husband, resulting in many awkward dates with guys with names like Alejandro Greenberg and Guillermo Schwartz. Now in her thirties, she’s dating a Frenchman — not Jewish — but he adores her and she pointed out that after all, French and Spanish are both romance languages.
I’m not saying the list is a bad thing – If you know what you want in a companion, you won’t waste anybody’s time or break anyone’s heart looking for it. If a woman knows she doesn’t want children and she’s on a date with a guy whose biological alarm clock went off yesterday, it’s probably best for both parties to part ways – I’m suggesting that a list should be a rough draft. One shouldn’t stick so closely to it that they ignore a fantastic person right in front of them or miss an opportunity for love.
