Mary Jaksch asks: What’s your best way of coping with stress?
Daily | October 17th, 2008
The things you do to calm your nerves and cool your jets. Today’s question comes from a bonafide Zen (and karate) mistress, Mary Jaksch. Who, when she’s not meditating or wielding her black belt, heads up GoodlifeZen.com and is Editor-in-Chief for WritetoDone.com. THAT’s life balance.
Carrie says: For moderate amount of stress I go for a run, talk to my sister and feel better. For Intense stress I hibernate and sleep. Most importantly I give myself permission to be alone, ache, and return.
Danielle says: I cope with stress in two ways, in equal parts, with equal intensity. Step 1: retreat. Step 2: dial soul sister. I’d be lost at sea, utterly adrift and nutso, without my precious, loving, all-seeing, hilarious girlfriends. And because I’m so sonically-wired, it actually helps me to hear myself talk sometimes. I also find 70s rock highly tranquilizing. Nothing like some Led Zeppelin to put things into perspective.
Mary says: When I’ve got too much on my plate and feel strung-out, I go to a yoga class. All my worries disappear for a while when I’m trying hold a difficult yoga pose.
Get inspired! Read our interview with Mary!
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October 17th, 2008 at 1:53 am
I listen to beautiful and soulful music. I talk to my cats and sometimes my kids or friends. I pretty much suck it up, too. Sleep and good food help, also. And occasionally I cry.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:53 am
I use all of the above AND I would add cleaning, organizing and rearranging my house. If the furniture is rearranged or we have a new system for keeping track of our incoming mail, it is a dead give-away to my husband that I am stressed!
October 17th, 2008 at 4:25 am
Exercise is probably my number one. Or meditation. When I can't be in my home to do these things, I like being in nature…or I'll go to a bathroom stall and breathe haha!
If my boyfriend is around, I like snuggling with him for a bit.
Naps also help me calm down too.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:30 am
I usually retreat from the world and get into my bed – read, pray, sleep.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:38 am
I walk or pet my beloved dog, take a hot bath and zone out, watch a funny television show and laugh like a hyena, or call my best friend and chat. I also have a sign on my refrigerator that says, “BREATHE!”
October 17th, 2008 at 5:10 am
long walks in the woods and sleep…
October 17th, 2008 at 5:24 am
Wait, You can cope with stress??…
Seriously, I try to find something that will make me laugh my ass off, I have a Robin Williams DVD that is vaguely narcotic-like when it comes to stress. I also try to remind myself that there have been worse things than (fill in stressful situation here) and just get on with my life.
October 17th, 2008 at 5:48 am
If I am moderately stressed during the day I try to breathe deeply and focus on the moment itself, also sometimes I might call a friend to talk things through. If I am really stressed, I try to clear my schedule, head home, and get some good food, take a bath, and get some rest. Sometimes a movie that I have seen a hundred times helps to calm my nerves and make me feel safe and cozy.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:07 am
I am that crazy woman driving down the road with tears streaming down her face, singing at the top of her lungs Yes, that's me. I cry while taking a lo-o-o-ng, hot shower – water heals me.
One call to my sister and life seems to have a better perspective – she prays with me right there on the line…
…and of course a chick flick with a huge popcorn – extra butter.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:09 am
Running or swimming. 10-kilometres on the pavement or sixty laps in the 25-metre pool. Pearl mentioned cleaning. I've been known to scrub tiles with a toothbrush when I'm really wired. But I try to keep that one under wraps.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:32 am
I hang out once/month with 3 other very inspirational women. Just over a year ago we formed our little group and we call it Celebrations & Challenges. We work out life's challenges together and celebrate all that is going well. Even if one of us is very stressed there's always at least one thing to celebrate. It's become an essential part of my life.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:41 am
For a few minutes before I get up every morning, I lie in bed thinking about what the day holds, and how to make that all go smoothly. My daughter says that not dealing well with stress is one of my biggest faults, so I do all I can to avoid it. And avoidance is how I relieve it as well . . . I'll curl up with an escapist novel or go bake something.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:55 am
I'm with Carrie. Running, especially on trails, is almost always a good solution for me. My Monday am runs with a friend and our dogs in Pacific Spirit Park help keep stress at bay, and a solo run when stress hits. Talking to friends and family comes close tho'.
Meditation comes into play when 3:00 am comes along and the stress bug hits.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:58 am
When stressed out, I self-care. The higher the stress, the higher the degree of self-care. At the most basic level, making sure I am well hydrated, fed and rested helps greatly, then I layer on from there. Mani-pedis do wonders for me for light stress, as will a 30-minute back massage. Working out helps to lift the fog and brings me back into my body. I also reach out to friends I know will make me laugh. And when all else fails, dancing naked to some rip-roaring rock n' roll always does the trick.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:07 am
go Danielle! Whole Lotta Love is my sweetheart's ringtone on my phone!
I return to my spirituality to cope with stress, big or small. Although I do admit that sitting down to a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie with a glass of red wine does wonders.
My not-so-best way of coping with stress is food. When I am stressed I am RAVEONOUS.
My sweetheart suggested another way of coping this morning – that I spin off another personality, like my clients do!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:31 am
I go for a run or a walk along the river near my place. I pray for calmness…it'smore like meditating for clamness. Then I pick up the phone and call my BFF and vent. If all else fails, I have great sex with my hubby and all the stress melts away. My hubby hasn't figured it out that I just use him for his ability to destress me!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:57 am
I am pretty good at sucking it up too, be the tough girl. Sometimes that's appropriate and most of the time I'm not being authentic about my experience.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:58 am
nothing like the girls to ease the journey.
October 17th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I have a Goddess group – our evenings are the highlight of my month!
October 17th, 2008 at 8:49 am
In all honesty, lately I have not really been coping well with stress. Usually some quality time with sleep, good food, laughs and real, genuine relaxation does the trick, but lately not so much! I think I need a 2-hour Thai massage these days!
October 17th, 2008 at 8:55 am
That's one of the hardest parts for me – reminding myself that there are so many worse things and that even though I'm stressed or frustrated or angry or hurting, I am really, truly blessed.
It's so easy to get caught up in your own little problems and forget about the big picture. I work on this everyday but find it very difficult to keep that with me. I have to continually remind myself.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I withdraw initially – then, usually in this order, I meditate, read, journal and sleep. But apparenly I've mastered the art of the 'functioning breakdown', so I'm not really sure I've quite figured out how to handle massive stress…
October 17th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I've been seeing a professional to deal with work stress which was mimicking heart attack symptons (had those checked out – my heart is fine). He said what I was dealing with was more panic attacks than stress per se. Panic attacks last no more than 15 minutes – that's just the way our bodies developed from the old fight or flight syndrome. He told me to mark down the time when it first starts, and think ahead that 15 minutes to when it will be over. By writing it down and checking the time, it helps to get through it!
October 17th, 2008 at 9:44 am
I clean! I cook! I talk about it! I laugh about it! I write it down! I break it down (take action) in smaller steps so I can see my accomplishments! I celebrate the small things! I become grateful for what I do have! I speak it into existence – “I will not be stressed”!
October 17th, 2008 at 9:46 am
And of course, I pray about it!
October 17th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Sometimes it's retreating and sometimes it's spending time with friends…and their pets (since I don't have any of my own)…they always help
I find that pushing myself to exercise, get enough sleep and eat well becomes imperative and kind of second nature when I'm stressed.
Fresh air and sun (or at least daylight) always helps…as does a walk in Stanley park…
or the seawall…getting to the beach even in winter…there's something about the ocean that's very medatative and calming.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:19 am
My area of professionalism is “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” – so I 'know' many ways to handle stress! Personally, I have found Yoga to be a sanctuary for my soul and a haven for my body. I have learned to practice several times a week rather than here or there. Consistency and committment are my close companions. Second to Yoga, is order – creating a “zen desk”, even if for only a day:)
October 17th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Cry or go for a walk while crying (best done in the rain) and then take control of the situation if at all possible. Sometimes, if it doesn't make me feel too vulnerable, I will vent through conversation with someone I trust.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:31 am
When things get bad, I take my dog to play in the park. She loves to fetch, and seeing her simple joy in playing and interacting (and her ears flapping in the breeze!) never fails to bring me back to equilibrium.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Eat lots and lots of chocolate – the darker the better – then go for a long walk on the beach or a bike ride.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Each Wednesday night, my best friend and I get together religiously for what we call Bible Study. This meeting consists of the two of us, getting together for dinner and drinks and laughing our asses off and talking about boys (we are both approaching 50….we never stop talking about boys, do we?). We call it Bible Study so no one else will want to come. And….it is quite helpful if we need to get out of a late meeting (glancinc at watch, “Oh! I've got to go to Bible Study! See you tomorrow!”)>
October 17th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Taking a hot bath before bed is a simple way to ensure that I don't get too particularly stressed – this is daily maintenance. Candles are nice. The noise from the bathroom fan harshes my mellow so I just let everything get steamy and dry it out later.
Taking care of little details – such as staying on top of personal grooming like waxing and tweezing, and then housework (which is just grooming projected on to my surroundings) makes me feel like I have accomplished something small but significant. Every day, I do 15 minutes of decluttering and detail cleaning. This is meditative and contributes to the overall peacefulness of my home.
Not freaking out about small things (like getting cut off when I'm driving; sales girls being rude to me) ensures that my stress level is generally low for when The Big One hits.
The Big One hit recently, and there was no way to plan for it, I just reacted. Afterward, I had some time to myself. And I thought of the story about the young prince who wanted words engraved on a ring – words which would keep him magnanimous in victory but persistent in defeat. Someone (maybe the Buddha? it's a Buddhist story, anyway) gave him the words IT WILL PASS.
The other story I thought of was the Chinese one about the foolish farmer who goes to console his neighbor, a wise farmer whose horses had run away. The wise farmer smiles and says “who knows what is good or bad?” The horses return, bringing a beautiful mare. The fool congratulates him on his marvelous luck. The wise farmer says “who knows what is good or bad?” The wise man's son breaks his leg learning to ride the mare, and the foolish neighbor comes over to console them; the wise man says, “who knows what is good or bad?” The army comes through the village, taking all the young men to fight in a war, but the wise man's son is spared because of his broken leg. The story goes on and on.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Bible Study! That is brilliant!
October 17th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Coping with stress- let me count the ways….Deep breathing. Just a few deep breaths helps immensely. Stretching and yoga. Always effective and the most long-lasting. Calling my best friend and letting it all out. Drinking one or two glasses of wine. And when I'm really in danger of a freak out, I lock myself in the bathroom and burst into tears for a bit.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:38 am
When I get overloaded I immediately put on cheesy 80's hair band music ( we are talking some serious stress levels here), I spend some time making myself feel beautiful either with something cleansing or pretty.
If I am not in a position to drop everything and find fun music and girlie stuff I make a schedule in my head of the time I will spend unwinding alone over the weekend or later that night. It's important to not let it bottle up.
After that, stress turns from being a burden to a task that I can handle no problem.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I am with Carrie, I go for a run outside, on the beach around the lake, with the ipod,no matter the weather it always clears my head and I can work through things while I run. Bad stress, definitely crawl under the covers and definitely hit up a colleague for an Acupuncture treatment.
October 17th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Walking helps, a massage is heaven and like Carrie I tend to hibernate lots. There isn't much room in our house for privacy so my bed is my hideaway when I need to hash things out. http://www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
October 17th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
One of my ways of coping with uber stress to encourage myself to dive into the emotions and allow what I know call, “the cry before the calm”.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Right now because living in Florida it is still quite “summery” I enjoy destressing by going out to my front yard/garden and pruning, weeding, replanting, etc. Anytime I am out in the fresh air and moving dirt with my hands I feel so much better afterwards, somehow it just melts away my stress, worries, etc. I come away feeling not only more alive and renewed, but also accomplished. Also on a totally different note, even though having two children under the age of 2 1/2 can be very stressful at times, there are moments when they, Aidan and Emme are the only ones who make me feel better. There is nothing more simple and comforting than rocking my 4 month old daughter and reading a book with my son.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Sat in the middle of “Linens N Things” today in the $1000 shiatsu chair, pressed “full body”, and thought to myself “Just keep swimming…..”
October 17th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
For intense stress, I need solitude because I feel so overwhelmed. For smaller things, full and deep conscious breaths help a lot because we're I'm stressed I've noticed that my breathing is more shallow. Walks, taking down time with friends or doing activities that I enjoy (Pilates, hiking, authentic conversation with lots of intriguing questions to ponder).
October 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I like this. I've done this too.
October 17th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Since I live in the country, I stop the stressful activity whatever it is and walk the forest….not looking at my feet but searching the treetops for the magnicence of the 150 years old pines and heritage maples. In my rubber boots and my oldest jacket, I can reconnect my wiring and gain perspective. The stress melts and I breathe deeply….the oxygen penetrates and I'm back to myself again.
If I'm silly and just begin to feel stressed, I will discover myself vacuuming….then I know that I need to go out for a walk!
KWL
October 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I do a very, very bad job of handling stress partly because I think I fail to recognize it until it's too late and I'm already overwhelmed by it. With disturbing regularity I will find myself “waking up” from a kind of a fog and discover that I have accomplished pretty much nothing for days, if not an entire week. Work, home, community service commitments …. all just kind of come to a halt. Only the must-do-or-die gets done. This is one such week.
I simply shut down and no amount of acknowleding it while it's happening seems to shake me out of it. I'll go about trying to do productive things that while nice are not immediately important . Frenzied cleaning and implementing new systems of organizational control are usually what I do to attempt to get a handle on the chaos and lift my mental and emotional paralysis, but often it just feeds the despair.
The one thing that seems to make a real difference is writing. It is only when I get honest on the page with how lousy I am feeling and what is going on in my life, that I seem to be able to understand what is happening to me and make an action plan to start over again. It is as if writing in my journal wipes my brain clean and I can pick up where I left off.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I stand in the middle of the room (empty or not) stomp my foot and announce “I'm cranky!” like a 3 year old. I have found that articulating my stress gives me the go ahead to care for it, and almost immediately eases the pressure.
(I guess for me, most of my stress comes from denying that the stress is there.)
Then I do any of the following: talk to a girlfriend, make art, eat chocolate, write, clean and organize things around the house, cry, take a bath, blast music that suits my mood, nap, drink (wine or scotch, not beer).
I always feel less stressed after a Nia class, but when the stress beats me to it I struggle to find the motivation to actually get my body there.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Usually when I'm all stressed out it is because I've been eating poorly and haven't had enough sleep. So I will get a nice meal with lots of veggies, drink a glass of water and take a nap. When stress is more “outer” related I just focus for a few minutes, take deep breaths and start thinking positive.
If none of that works, then a good cry helps too.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Ooooh, that's sounds nice!
I love that line, too.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Walking, walking, walking. If I don't have it all figured out after the first walk, I start another.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I actually own “Monster Ballads” – it is a great stress reliever.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
“…even if for only a day.”
Sometimes that's all I can do! I like that. I like that line a lot.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Well the bad news is I've got an awful lot of stress in my life right now. The good news is I'm in really great shape!! Run, swim, dance, yoga all serve to get me out of my head and into my body.
When I can't do that, or it's not enough, then I have to question my stressful thoughts. “The Work” is what works for me. Byron Katie's work is so incredibly valuable it has taken me to a whole new place of acceptance and softness with regard to what life doles out.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
For everyday stress my best move is to work out and then soak in a hot tub and meditate. For the big stresses I'm with Carrie – hibernate, be silent and sleep.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Playing and laughing with my dogs lightens me up, diminishing the impact of every day stresses.
I believe that there are some people for whom meditation is a healthy addition to their lives, but that if they don't do it, they find other ways to ground and center. For others of us, it is an absolute requirement. I fall into the second category. I also usually call a friend or family member, and when all else fails, I simply go for a walk to the nearest park and lie on the earth, preferably near a big tree. I often suspect that my stress level would diminish greatly if I moved from city to country, as I hope to in the future. Nothing makes me feel more at peace than being in nature.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
A walk in the woods is the best medicine.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Thanks for sharing this.
October 18th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I used to handle stress really badly….. i would blame the world and anything that was around me. i would tell myself that this wasn't my problem and i was not to blame for the path that had unfolded….now however; my mind has taught me the importance of calming my spirit and soul to ease my feelings…..i do this with music ( led zeppelin and pink floyd etc) aswell as painting, running, pilates etc….
it can be many things, but the changing of my attitude and feelings are fundemental in taking responsibilty for these stressors
October 20th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I like the idea of expressing your feelings – I too usually deny that there is stress. I think I am going to try throwing a temper tantrum the next time and see what happens. Thanks.
October 20th, 2008 at 7:11 am
I get pissed. Turning the scared, overwhelmed feeling into anger creates action. Luckily, I've figure out (for the most part) how to keep to myself when I get angry, and I take it out on projects instead of people (again, for the most part). Wearing flat black knee-high boots helps me somehow. This whole thing is probably not healthy, but it works for now.
October 20th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I'm with Carrie. I give myself permission to ache or be sad or whatever feeling I have and sit in that feeling and let it be. I usually process well and quickly that way, then feel ready to move on in a healthy way.
November 15th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I go for a walk in the forrest. I read a passage from one of my favorite books. I pray and talk some sense into myself.
January 31st, 2009 at 5:59 am
Good post. Have bookmarked your blog and will surely come back.