“I’ve been married 15 years, and only in the past few months have I even looked at another man,” a playdate mom proclaimed at the park today. Before I could snort out a protest, the other mom agreed.

As the lone male at the swing set, a huge number of voices arose in me at once, the strongest being “What’s wrong with you?!” A timid one wondered, “Is there something wrong with me?” Surely you know that we men look at other women constantly and often creatively. Not lewdly or necessarily with intent, mind you, but we do notice and appreciate and perhaps wonder. Why don’t women do the same?

How Could You Possibly Not Look?

I’ll need your help here, because from the outside I can only come up with a few possible reasons:

1. Men are great lovers.
Maybe we are as great as our egos tell us. Maybe we all are just such incredibly loving, giving, satisfying lovers that you really don’t need to look beyond. The problem is, I don’t really believe we’re that great (note to my wife and former lovers: feel free to comment to the contrary), and more importantly, the fact that we men look at other women has nothing to do with the quality of our current lovers–we just do it because that’s who we are.

2. Men aren’t that good to look at.
Tell me if I’m wrong, but we just don’t have the curves and mystery that keep our eyes glued on women. Maybe it’s enough work to appreciate one “bumpy, scratchy man” (to quote a lesbian friend’s assessment of us) without needing to appreciate every baggy pair of gray sweatpants that saunters by.

3. Women have incredible willpower.
Maybe women make such a deep commitment to faithfulness that you successfully discipline yourselves not to look at or think about anyone else. Psychologists would say it’s unhealthy and dangerous to deny a part of your being, and it could lead to a strong rebound. I say that if this is what you all are capable of, I am drop-jawed in awe of your powers but also bemused at such a misdirection of energy.

4. You’re lying.
That must be it. As a typical male who is constantly appreciative of the beauty and allure of the women around me, it’s just beyond my comprehension how my wife could not also be indulging her eyes, if not her imagination.

Help Me Out Here

Please, somebody put me out of my misery and admit that women in relationships do look around. Not in a slimy or predatory way, but just looking, appreciating, or even fantasizing.

I say “please” because, if you are indeed lying, it’s not to protect our feelings. What it really does is create an uneven playing field. It makes us wonder if we really are the lower life forms that media makes us out to be. We also wonder if you truly are human with normal human drives and tendencies.

What Does It Lead?

This is not a call for cheating or polygamy or open relationships. This is not a call to let the body go where our eyes and minds may stray. (That would be another article.) This is just a call for acceptance and appreciation of a partner who can be comfortable with his or her interest in other beautiful human beings without jeopardizing the boundaries of a relationship. In the end, it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.