0

Comments

I’ve Changed. Do You Still Love Me?
by Lyn Michaud

Change especially in external appearance is scary because what I’m used to is no longer comfortable or safe. Embracing change means developing a new way of viewing the world though the possibility of failure can make changes feel devastating.

Relationships grow and change, but sometimes it seems that maintaining the body and image of when we meet or fall in love is an unspoken part of the contract though we know that over the years people change. To regain or keep the euphoria of youth we are willing to dye our hair, get collagen injections, take supplements, exercise and go on a diet.

Weight gain can result from a variety of circumstances not just laziness or letting ourselves go. For me the combination of sedentary job and side effects of medication made me gain weight. I hated my new body except for the expanded bust measurement. Even though the weight gain bothered me, my husband barely noticed.

He didn’t comment about the changes at all. But other people did (mostly women) and their judgments were rude, inappropriate and often followed by advice for losing weight, exercising more and warnings that my husband would lose interest. I hoped their comments indicated their personal insecurities. They made me feel insecure about my relationship. Communication has always been our strong point, so I brought up my weight gain and appearance.

My husband gave me a generic supportive answer. “Honey I love you no matter what you look like.”

He insisted how I look doesn’t affect how he feels about me. Instead of believing his words exactly as he meant them, I interpreted the negative aspect. I thought he must think I don’t look my best and wasn’t the same external woman he fell in love with, but he would make the sacrifice of loving me anyway. I was critical of my new appearance because I didn’t want him to have to settle for ‘the new me’ when I could change my life to be a new and improved model of my former slim and fit self.

I didn’t look for excuses, I took action. I saw my weight gain as a problem not just of how I looked but how I felt. The external look might attract attention, but what I really missed was being fit, having good lung capacity and able to exercise without getting winded and having the strength and energy to participate in my favorite sports. My additional weight meant I didn’t fit into my gear make sure the safety equipment met my needs and that my balance center of gravity didn’t cause me extra effort.

When I make a decision I create a plan of action I will stick with and that meant losing weight would be the side-effect of returning to a higher fitness level. I confused my husband with the goal. He thought I was just trying to lose weight and why wouldn’t he, that’s what the media trained him to think. He started by giving me a compliment. “You look great. I support you if this is what you want.”

I noticed changes soon after I requested a medication change and incorporated a daily fitness plan with lots of walking. I commuted to work on my feet and the bonus was improved mood when I arrived and stress relief when I got home. My increasing confidence translated to additional happiness in my relationship. My husband remained supportive, but he still didn’t comment about my size.

He offered to act as my coach. We spent more time together. His physical abilities are different from mine so while I ran, he rode his bike alongside me and kept his eye on the stopwatch and distance.

“I’m getting older and I want to look great for you too.” Only then did I realize men can be susceptible to similar doubts and fears that I felt about my weight gain.

My size has returned to what I was when we married and I’m more secure in my relationship for a different reason. Relationships are constantly growing and changing as people grow and change. The secret my husband and I learned is deciding to change together because that is what loving commitment means. My ultimate goal now is to run the six minute mile that I was able to achieve in high school. I’m confident my husband will be right beside me urging me to triumph.

THE END

http://carrieanddanielle.com/6-tips-for-living-with-a-perfectionist/
http://carrieanddanielle.com/start-living-again-weighing-in-part-two/
http://carrieanddanielle.com/motivating-yourself-to-exercise/