Ever call or write an email and it takes the person six weeks to write back? I can see six hours, okay, on a busy day. I can see six days if you don’t have access to electricity or running water. But six weeks?

It’s my own fault, really. I hate to “call to confirm,” too proud and too busy to ask twice, but that gaping absence in my mailbox leaves me filling in the blank. One week passes, “I guess this project isn’t a priority for them. Hmph!” Week two, “After all I’ve done for them, how disrespectful.” Week three, “Something’s wrong. Should I apologize? Wait a minute, I don’t know what I did!” Week four, “Are they on drugs? Are they crossing the Mexican border right now escaping the feds?” Week five passes. “Are they dying of some rare disease?” Week six, “I should really quit this business, the clients are impossible to deal with!”

Before I pack it in, I send off the same email again as if nothing ever happened. They reply immediately. They didn’t get the first message. I check “sent”, and they’re right. My error.

I was recently on the receiving end of this situation. A collaborator sent me a script and I didn’t register they were eagerly anticipating my notes so they could move forward. I logged the script away, not knowing the rush, and became immersed in other pressing matters. A week later I received a very long detailed email from the writer justifying their artistic choices, angrily wondering why I had such a problem with what they were doing, assuming I had lost belief or interest in them, etc. Wow. If they put as much energy into their third draft as they did that email, they’d have a Pulitzer on their hands!

But I understand where they’re coming from, especially when the stakes are high. It’s so easy to let ego “fill in the blank.” So, now, when facing an absence, I try to remember the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

1. The world does not revolve around me. The delay likely has nothing to do with me or what I’ve done.
2. Don’t make assumptions. The delay doesn’t automatically mean the client doesn’t respect me, like me or want what I have to offer.
3. Always do your best. Have I communicated well, promptly respectfully and clearly myself? It is acceptable for me to send out a “gentle reminder” as Martha would say.
4. Be impeccable with your word. Have I complained to a bunch of people about this or have I dealt with it directly? If the client didn’t have a good reason for being delayed, have I said “it’s okay” and grumbled about it under my breath or have I given them clear boundaries and an honest response?

How do you deal with people who don’t call you back, and what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without returning that call?

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The Four Agreements Toltec Wisdom Collection, by Don Miguel Ruiz

Photo by tylerdurden1.