How Would You Like to be Cared For?

Daily | January 7th, 2009 by Carrie McCarthy

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.” - Pablo Casals

Carrie says: A cup of tea for me at the beginning of the day, a tub run for me at the end of the day. A hand written note from a loved one for no reason. Listening, Listening, Listening.

Jessica says: Woken up by a smile, lots of shared laughter, touching, and tea prepared just the way I like it in the afternoon…Surrounded by warmth, espescially this time of year!

Viewing 30 Comments

Linda Borland-Fitzgerald 01/07/2009 04:41 AM 1 point
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I want people's s eyes to light up when I walk into the room and I want to be heard. But, probably the most important thing to me is that I don't want to die alone - I just want to drift off to sleep in the arms of someone who knows and loves me. And, I will describe to them what I see and hear, as I make the transition.

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Tammy_D 01/07/2009 05:54 AM 1 point
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Having my man realize that I need some solitude from the kids and taking over while I take a "mommy time-out". Time-out to do some deep breathing and stretching, read a book, and be left alone.

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Krystall 01/07/2009 05:57 AM 1 point
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morning hugs from all the kids in the morning, I love morning hugs. A bit of help 'round the house - I hate doing it alone, for example, seeing the kids can actually pick up after themselves - having to do this for them or having to TELL them to do it really makes me feel like the maid...By someone expressing and listening to my thoughts,feelings and ideas, without expressing they are wrong OR trying to 'fix' the 'negative' emotion. The little things count so much more than the big things.

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Wazzy 01/07/2009 06:53 AM 1 point
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warmth and affection. little things taken care of without me having to ask. kind words and soft kisses. a hand on my lower back and a shared smile.

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laurie_matthews 01/07/2009 06:57 AM 1 point
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with kindness, sincerity and lovely surprises (notes work great)!

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lifecoachsandy 01/07/2009 07:02 AM 1 point
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I want a sugar daddy to pay all of my bills so I don't have to worry about money ever again!
And someone to give me a great massage and really care about what is going on in my life.

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Traci 01/07/2009 07:14 AM 1 point
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Sister, you speak the truth! :o)

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Jess 01/07/2009 07:03 AM 1 point
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Given my own space to decompress, then quiet snuggling and chuckles and healthy dinner.

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Traci 01/07/2009 07:14 AM 1 point
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If I'm being truly honest, I just want to be cared for intuitively. I want my husband to know what I want and need before I do and to just do it. I also know this is not something I can expect. But, oh, wouldn't it be nice?

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Carrie 01/07/2009 10:52 AM 1 point
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Ditto!

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Alison 01/07/2009 08:29 PM 1 point
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I so agree. That would be lovely.

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Kerri 01/07/2009 07:47 AM 1 point
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I agree with Carrie - I want to be LISTENED to. Listen to me with curiosity and I will know I am cared for.

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emily 01/07/2009 08:22 AM 1 point
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Yes, yes, yes to what everyone's already said: intuitive care, little help around the house -- without me having to ask-- especially with our son. And space space space. oo-- and support, support, listening, and support!

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ellabobella 01/07/2009 08:39 AM 1 point
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I want to care for myself by eating right, moving my body, meditating, sleeping at the right times, and finding beauty in little things.

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Theresa L 01/07/2009 09:20 AM 1 point
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Greetings from my loved ones "Good Morning" "Good Night " "Hello" and "See you Soon" and lots of hugs, smiles and kisses from them as I fly out the door. Being asked how my day has been and when things get tough, others pitching in and helping out without me having to ask. Someone else taking initiaitve, stepping up, or actually "taking charge". Positive, calm and optimistic outlooks during emergencies and difficult predicaments. Pablo Casals' quote re. "the capacity to care" is soooooo right on! I couldn't agree more Great Question - Thanks

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waggish 01/07/2009 09:53 AM 1 point
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Right now although it is a challenge to see and feel I am being cared for; I am determined to focus on a lifestyle change that allows me to work from my heart and hands instead of from my head.

The changes necessary to accomplish this are a bit uncomfortable in the moment. So the bubble baths, tea, a good book, and getting together with family and friends are the self caring actions that get me through the meantime.

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alligator_kate 01/07/2009 10:14 AM 1 point
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For me it is about self care. I am very blessed to be pretty well cared for by others, with a partner who brings me tea every morning, cooks at least half the time, and does at least half the household chores. He listens to me and supports me. I feel heard and appreciated, and do my best to reciprocate. We have our moments, of course, but overall I can't complain. Ways I would like to be cared for by myself: truly adoring my body for what she allows me to do, making sure I eat foods that nourish me, take time out for deep rest, dance and move enough, pamper myself sometimes with long soaks in the tub and massages.... flowers, oh and saying no kindly but firmly with no guilt when I need to.

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Carrie 01/07/2009 10:51 AM 1 point
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I am adding self care to my list. Time to nourish my spirit and pamper my body. Thanks for the reminder!

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Susie Hutchinson 01/07/2009 10:40 AM 1 point
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I'm well cared for. A nice dinner makes me very happy, and I'm lucky enough to have a partner that cooks almost every night. Of course, it would be nice to have a full time cleaning person to clear up the dishes.

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Kristin_The_Goat 01/07/2009 11:03 AM 1 point
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I want someone to chat with me. Listening and talking. I want to have some alone time each day. That's all I really want to be cared for...

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Meredith 01/07/2009 02:55 PM 1 point
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Great question! Within the past year, I've gone to 2 extremes of care in relationships. One guy cuddled, made (and kept) plans, did the dishes, poured me a glass of wine when I needed it, ran me baths, made coffee in the morning or would run our and grab me one, taped all my favourite TV shows, got tickets to all my favourite bands for us, took me away, among other things. The other one breaks plans, doesn't text back (and certainly never calls), and decided once to kick me out of his bed at 5am because he couldn't sleep, among other things. I've been cared for and very uncared for in the past year. I've seen every shade of care and uncare in '08.

So how would I like to be cared for? At the very least, I know I would like to be an equal, I would like to be respected, I would like my feelings and thoughts considered, I would like to be cared for enough that it shows and I never have to question it. I would also like to care for myself enough to lose the guy who doesn't care and not keep doling out chances just to feel let down time after time. I would like to care enough about me to put me first in '09.

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Carrie 01/07/2009 04:02 PM 1 point
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brilliantly said Meredith.

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Cobby 01/07/2009 06:57 PM 1 point
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I would like my husband to care for me by making our home and our relationship m "soft place to fall." I get up every day, put on my armor and go try to fight the good fight from inside of corporate America. When I come home, I want my husband to give me a space in which I am safe, protected, soft and coddled. This relationship and home is my place to be emotionally naked.

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kelli_kat7 01/07/2009 07:06 PM 1 point
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I want to be understood on a deep level. I want someone in my life to make a scrapbook for me like the one I made for my best friend--one that celebrates our relationship and tells me what a phenomenal person the other person thinks I am (is that ego? or longing for affirmation?). As Organic Transcendence, I want someone to know me so well that they buy me gifts for my birthday and Christmas that are actually things I would have chosen for myself and will use, instead of useless or silly crap that I don't want and don't know what to do with.

I would like to be loved. My love language is words of affirmation, so I would like to be told that I am loved and seen for who I really am. I would like for people not to criticize me because it really hurts.

I would like for my mother to listen and sympathize when I'm upset and crying WITHOUT trying to fix everything or inserting her suggestion that I need to go to the doctor and get on antidepressants. I would like for her to respect boundaries in our relationship, and to know that I am not setting them to hurt her, but rather so that I can be in a relationship with her that is not codependent and unhealthy for us both.

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Christopher 01/07/2009 07:19 PM 1 point
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How come more guys don't comment here? I love this blog and I'm guessing there are more male readers that do to, but are afraid to comment.

Anyway, I'm lucky to have a great wife that leaves me without want - I feel cared for every day!

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Alison 01/07/2009 08:30 PM 1 point
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Nawww.

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Alison 01/07/2009 08:32 PM 1 point
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Love notes, beautiful, thoughtful little things, books, and touching. Lots of nourishing conversation and tea, people smiling when they see me. Most of all, I want loyalty and people I enjoy, who listen! Treasures, kindness, affection, thoughtfulness, and smiling.

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RetroBerry 01/07/2009 08:40 PM 1 point
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Just stand before me and *really* see me for whom I am.

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Connie 01/07/2009 09:27 PM 1 point
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I'd like to laugh and go places with a man who is fun, smart and kind. I'd feel cared for if someone
picked up a phone once a day/night to see how I was and share our day.

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Ellen 01/08/2009 08:57 AM 1 point
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I'd like to be heard AND understood. Lots of shared laughter and wit. Red wine and cheese. Acknowledged.

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