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How often do you find yourself reliant on doing whatever it is that your partner is doing? He’s going to the library for a couple of books, so you’re going to the library, too (even though you secretly hate to read, and the only good book you’ve ever read was Fahrenheit 451, and that was because the book was about burning books). She’s going to go running, so you’ll go running with her (even though you suffer from asthma and last time you went, you could’ve sworn you coughed up your left lung after the first quarter-mile).

It’s one thing to want to do things with your partner, but it’s another thing entirely to do something just for the sake of doing it together.

Establishing You

If you don’t like to read, pass up the trip to the library and do something that you like to do. Call a friend, surf the Web, go for a walk, paint, or watch TV…just do what makes you happy. This is what being in a relationship is all about–finding a continued balance of being happy with each other, whether together or apart.

If you end up relying too much on the other person, you begin to forget what it means to be who you are. You begin to mold into your partner. Partners choose each other because they’re the perfect complements to each other’s beliefs, interests, hobbies, etc. Some things are agreed upon while others might be disagreed upon. If you give in and always buy vanilla ice cream just because your partner likes it, then you’re turning the relationship into one that is, for lack of a better word, vanilla.

Don’t Isolate Your Partner

There is such a thing as going too far with maintaining a certain level of independence. If you like to play a particular sport and join a team that goes away every weekend for tournaments, then you’re cutting into time you could be spending with your partner. While it might seem like a sacrifice to give up something you love, you have to keep in mind that your partner is sacrificing his or her time waiting around for you when he or she could be having a good time with someone else.

It’s important to share things with each other. Yes, it’s best when you both enjoy those things. But make sure to not go so far as to completely isolate your partner. Offer him or her the chance to enjoy activities with you, too. While the sports analogy might seem a bit far-fetched, there are certainly instances I know of in which situations like that have caused the breakup of some really great couples. People could have still enjoyed playing a sport in a local league, but they chose to go away to prove the point that nobody was going to tell them what to do. That attitude ended up costing them a really great chance at a happy future with a terrific person.

Stay Open

It’s good to be curious or involved with each other’s interests, but don’t go so far as to fully immerse yourself in something that your partner is doing just because it’s something he or she likes to do. To the same point, don’t isolate your partner from something that you enjoy doing. Always remain open to new possibilities.

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