People say change is a good thing. But what happens when that change involves moving out of state to take a new opportunity, which means moving away from your family? In today’s society, a lot of adult women move away from home and out of state with their husbands or partners. This often puts strain on extended-family relationships and wreaks havoc on a woman’s life. Families don’t always like the idea of long-distance relationships, but what happens when you have kids and a life of your own, too?

A Change in Family Dynamics

As women, we’re often taught from the moment we come out of the womb that it is our job to take care of our families and everyone else around us. This sometimes makes it hard for us to detach and start our own lives. We feel so emotionally responsible for others that we neglect our own futures and even ourselves. When you’re moving away, your extended family may have a hard adjusting to the fact that they won’t see you every day. When you’ve lived somewhere for a long time, people get so used to having you around that they don’t expect that to change.

The Guilt Trip

A problem a lot of women face is the guilt trip. When we move to a new town, everything seems shiny and new–it is a new start, after all. The unfortunate part, though, is that family members may try to guilt you into staying behind. They may even call you selfish and refuse to do their part in maintaining a family bond. Older relatives have a particularly hard time understanding this transition and may actually begin to resent you and your partner.

Living Your Own Life

When you have kids, you don’t have time to travel (They demand a lot of time and attention!). And when your family lives far away, you can’t be expected to travel. This may be difficult for them to understand, but you have a life, too, and you’re entitled to live that life as you see fit. A lot women travel long distances to visit loved ones before they have children.

All About You

It’s important to think about yourself. That may sound selfish, but it’s true. When you’re carrying a baby, you don’t need the added stress of trying to make everyone happy. You need to find happiness for yourself. It’s your time to enjoy being pregnant and bask in the glow of motherhood. Even if no one is willing to come and stay with you during the baby’s first weeks of life, remember that it’s up to you and your partner to find happiness in your own lives.

It helps to have someone in whom you can confide. Moving to a new town means starting fresh, making new friends, and starting life anew. But this process takes time. Share your feelings with your husband or partner. Chances are that he sees your pain and wants to comfort you.

Whatever you do, don’t let people tell you you’re selfish, because you’re not. You’re living the life you want to live…and that’s something to smile about.

[Photo by bradleypjohnson)