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Yours truly was once engaged to a man I wasn’t the least bit interested in marrying. Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but I really wanted to have a wedding. I mean, doesn’t everyone? Most of us, at least? Come on…the white bedazzled gown, all my friends and family, the three-tiered cake, a Savage Garden tribute band that would play “I Knew I Loved You“, and a DJ spinning Rick James and Earth Wind & Fire songs. I was oh-so-ready and couldn’t be more excited.

Less than 24 hours after he proposed, I was on the phone setting up interviews with wedding planners and scouring the internet for bridemaids gowns. A week later I had selected my colors, set up wedding and reception locations and had started making the guest list. I don’t fool around, honey.

In retrospect, I was so pressed to be married because all my friends were suddenly getting hitched and I didn’t want to feel left out in the cold. An odd form of self-inflicted peer pressure, perhaps?

The Honeymoon Was Over Before It Started

Now, some may question why the heck I would engage in a relationship with someone I didn’t even want to marry. I am now slightly embarrassed to say, I figured my sparkling personality might change him over time. In my naïveté, I thought maybe if I just persevered a little bit more, something would click inside of him and he’d be who I needed him to be. That way, I could have my perfect wedding and my perfect marriage! But the wedding was obviously the most important thing at the time. We’d focus on the marriage later. That’s what they have marriage counselors for, right? (Cut me some slack, I was young…kinda).

Keeping things in perspective, I know at slew of amazing women who are in it just for the wedding. They aren’t interested in the men they are dating—just the frills, fluff and French Riviera honeymoon. Their partners aren’t even close to what they want. But they are getting a little older, maybe their friends are all getting hitched and the current flavor of the month is better than nothing.

Settling is for Suckers

Think about it: who wants to be “that girl”? The middle-aged single chick stuck at home with her cats and The Price is Right? While that scenario may be acceptable to some, no one actively seeks to become that. Yes, it would really suck to be “her”. But wouldn’t it suck even more royally to be married to someone you loathe?

So I say all that to say this: don’t be desperate. It doesn’t look good on you. Or me. Or anybody. Have enough confidence in yourself that you will radiate and attract the man you actually want to marry. Obviously, you are too fierce to settle for mediocrity.

Are you Marrying for the Rock or for the Man?

Consider this for yourself. Are you part of a relationship that’s headed nowhere fast, at least on your end? Here’s a few ways to tell if you are:

*You fantasize all the time about the wedding day, but living a life with him – eh, not so much.
You find lame excuses to prevent having to spend time with him (“Sorry, can’t do dinner. Fido needs grooming, so I’m going to be brushing him all night.”)

*You are always on your period (read: no booty for him!)

*You get weirded out every time he mentions raising a family because you don’t want to end up raising another “him”

*You are totally irritated by his little nuances (when he cracks up at things that aren’t that funny, when he rubs your leg in the movie theatre, when he purses his lips after eating teriyaki chicken…)

*You don’t trust him to be good to you

*You sign a pre-nup not because you necessarily want to, but because you know he’s going to gank you for all your money should you get so annoyed with him, you decide to leave and never come back one day (Can we say “Dear John”?)

*You long for the day you renew your vows just so you can be happy for the second time
You plan on asking the deejay to play CeCe Peniston’s “Keep On Walkin’” as a subliminal message. Maybe he’ll get the hint.

*You send him back to the jeweler to upgrade that 2.5 carat engagement ring to at least 5 carats. Marriage is supposed to be 50/50. If he’s going to get what he wants, you need to get what you want.

Are any of these thoughts familiar? If so…you might want to start thinking…

[Photo by ||!prliignore0||]