Lucia’s priceless article about destructive mothers-in-law got me thinking about my son-in-law role in all this. After all, she can’t truly flourish in her role if we don’t give her some fodder – it’s our duty.

Here are nine easy ways to be the disappointment she expects and needs you to be:

1: Expect her to babysit

Anytime you need it, or just want a break. It’s her biggest joy and purpose in life, and what else does she really have to do anyways? You’re not asking a favor, you’re generously bestowing upon her the grandparenting opportunity she nagged you about for years. She should thank you every time you come home from a late party and find her asleep on the couch.

2: Leave a mess

It validates her need to over-clean, and makes her feel needed. Bonus points for taking a big drink of water then plopping the half-empty glass on the counter right in front of her as you walk away.

3: Remember the power of Guilt

Yes, her greatest tool can now be your ally. Drop simple little lines like “If you don’t want to see your grandkids…” of “That’s OK, I’m sure little Joey will understand that you’re too busy…” Revenge is sweet.

4: Wear old ripped clothes

She’s family, right? So she’ll take it as a compliment that you don’t feel a need to impress her by dressing up for Sunday family dinners.

5: Take offense at any parenting advice

What does she know, anyways? Sure, your wife somehow came out right despite her parenting, but that was decades ago – she isn’t up on the new and improved ways of molding little humans.

6: Never offer to cook or help in the kitchen

It would imply that she’s not competent or, worse yet, not needed. Even if you’re a gourmet chef, never let on, or the Grandma Gravy Train may stop coming to your station.

7: Schedule her in last

You and your friends have tight schedules, but she’s just filling time between your calls. She can drop her lawn-bowling and crocheting and everything at a moment’s notice.

8: Drop hints about the will and early inheritance

She doesn’t really need that Mexican get-away with her girlfriends as much as you need a loan for that second car. Sure your house and income and entertainment budgets are bigger than hers, but it’s more important at your phase of life – she should be taking slow time these days.

9: Ignore her needs

You’ve got enough on your plate as a young family, and she’s had decades to build up a support network. Just make sure she knows she can’t depend on you, or there’ll never be an end to the calls for help.

This list works just as well for our own parents, and probably can be used by women as well as men. The secret is to realize that our lives are difficult and busy, while theirs are easy and leisurely. Given that reality, it only makes sense to build a one-way road that ends at our doorstep. That’s what mothers are for.

Photo by Corey Ann.