How do you know when a decision is “right” for you?
Daily | September 15th, 2008
Goose bumps, angels singing, warm fuzzies – everyone has a metric for decisions that feel destined to work.
Carrie says: A teacher once told me that decide means, “to cut off, to kill off.” I like the word choice. The right choice for me feels easy, graceful with no hesitation, 99% of the time my intuition is right, like a baby’s whisper. When that feeling is not present I am learning to take time to be reflective and arrive at a choice that is right for me.
Danielle says: I call it “art gallery mind.” Clear. Calm. Well lit. With a very slight rush of awe.
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September 15th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I tend to go straight to it. The minute I start to overthink, I lose focus. My intuition is generally the first thing that speaks. It speaks gently but firmly, and doesn’t force me to listen. I don’t writhe, or flit until I’m off in the maze of my own second guessing.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
yes, yes…my motto: “First thought, right thought.” Second guessing burns too much energy.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I don’t always know when something is right but boy do I know when something isn’t right. I feel my intuition at its strongest when something isn’t right and I am getting much better at trusting that. I often can’t give you a logical explanation of why it’s a wrong choice, which can lead to second guessing, but I do know it is not the right choice. It isn’t goose bumps or anything physical, I just get a strong feeling to shake my head no and my brain says no! If someone pushes hard enough I am sure my head does start shaking from side to side in a no motion.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Oh – that is SO true! I know when it is the wrong decision – its an instinct that makes me feel squirmy and restless and awkward. The RIGHT decision just “happens”.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I ask myself how I feel, as I ponder each side of the decision. If I feel relieved, that’s it. It’s the right decision. If I am fearful though, it’s probably the thing I ’should’ do, as long as it doesn’t endanger me, plus it’s likely an opportunity to grow. In the end, I go with my intuition. First response is usually the right one which I equate with a new relationship, in that, when someone shows you who they are, (right from the beginning) you should believe them. It won’t change, it won’t get better. First instinct is usually the right one.
September 16th, 2008 at 1:06 am
I feel it both ways. I get a sickly uncomfortable feeling when something is wrong and get goose bumps (or as my daughter calls it “chicken skin” when it feels right. If something is resinating on a higher vibration and feels really really right I get goose bumps and tears in my eyes to double confirm!
September 16th, 2008 at 1:24 am
I’m sad to report that more often than not, I’ll feel great about a decision and then start second-guessing myself. I’ll spend two weeks calling myelf an idiot, and then everything turns out beautifully. I really have to break that pattern.
September 16th, 2008 at 2:14 am
This is a good question. I could say all my life I have been able to make decsions easily and quickly. But early in my life I could say the decsions right for me could have been not so good in the long term or not so good for others.
My decsion making is just as fast now (Love that Gladwell, Carrie) but is more inclusive with less likelihood of a poor outcome in the long term for myself or others.
Even our intuition matures!!!!! This is soooo amazing n’est pas
September 16th, 2008 at 2:34 am
I concur, Alison and Danielle. I could spend an eternity dithering around a decision. Trusting the gut is the second step for me, however. I’ve first got to listen to my intuition and really hear what it’s saying, not necessarily what I want it to say.
September 16th, 2008 at 2:37 am
This is a great point, Jody. I’m far more comfortable with this interpretation, perhaps because what’s not right upsets my balance and equilibrium. I often interpret the wrong decision more clearly than the right one.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:29 am
I sense if I have made the right choice, then I become energized and peppy. If I make poor choices my energy level goes straight down the floor. I just need to pay attention and I will know, though I am impulsive and often act without taking it in consideration.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:46 am
I’m a Libra. I weigh everything a million times to make sure that it’s right. But what if I do this? But what if this happens? But what if… it is mind numbing sometimes. How do I know if a decision is right? I don’t wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. Good thing the constant balance thing is only for large decisions. I’m usually pretty good at the minor stuff…don’t ask me to pick a place to eat dinner though lol
September 16th, 2008 at 4:02 am
Zen sparks is my term for how I feel when I know my decision is correct. It’s when my right brain meets my left brain and there’s a sense of calm in my head and gut.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:43 am
when, rather than any part of me or my body recoiling at the idea of that choice, I instead feel uplifted, lighter, more free by making that choice.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:52 am
My best friend and I were having our nightly Style Statement chat last night, when finally it all came together….FEMININE CREATIVE and GENUINE SPIRITED…..now THAT feels right!!!!!
September 16th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Not to sound sexist, but “woman’s intuition” came to mind when reading through the earlier replies. I do think men have intuition, but perhaps historically women have honed this skill more (and right or wrong, culture and society seem to give females more power and innate validity in this domain). Personally, yes, like Carrie, my intuition is 99% trustworthy — and the absence of this intuitive feeling is usually accompanied by *physical* signs (a stomach in knots, for instance) that warn me I’m not on the right decision path.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:06 am
My intuition is always spot-on. It took me years to trust myself (my intuition) but when I don’t I pay the price and when I do pay attention which is most of the time now I feel good inside, peaceful. My intuition is so fine tuned it sends up a firm NO immediately.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:10 am
A desicion is right when after it is made, you don’t lose any sleep over it. I have to agree with Danielle your first thought is usually dead on. So I try not to dwell or over think anything. It usually just becomes a bigger mess or more stress if you fuss over a desicion anymore than you should.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Usually after I’ve made the wrong one . . .
September 16th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Bene…I get the same physical reaction when I’ve made the right choice: energized and peppy! But like Alison said in the first reply, if I second guess myself, I loose my focus, and the energy of my intuition.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:46 am
My body knows before my mind. Then I’m congruent, all of a piece, fully present with it.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:56 am
Absence of anxiety, tension, and general yuck in my gut. Right choices feel clean, authentic, and like they have the backing of the Universe behind them.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:04 am
i go with my gut, if it feels right, i just go with it. i try not to over think things.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:26 am
This one is a little hard to explain, but right decisions for me usually come with some sort of magic indicator… a perfectly timed coincidence that proves I’m in the right place at the right time; a witness to beauty that confirms I’ve made a good decision; or the simple fact that all of the details and logistics around a right decision fall seamlessly in to place. Wrong decisions make my heart palpitate and my stomach turn and I know right away that I’ve goofed.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Learning how to trust your intuition is the key to pretty much everything. Intuition is a gift from the Universe cause it will always guide us towards the lessons we need to learn.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:31 am
I couldn’t agree more. The choice just seems right.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:45 am
It’s amazing how many similarities there are in how we all perceive those inutitive/thin slicing moments. I too get goose-bumps/teary eyed when things are perfectly right (like when I found my style statement!) But I’ve also noticed that I will get the churning gut/bad vibes when I’m facing a fear – sometimes it’s the right decision, but it’s pushing me outside my usual comfort zone so it feels uncomfortable – that’s where I need to spend a bit more time figuring out if I’m just dancing with one of my demons. Sometimes it just needs to happen…
September 16th, 2008 at 7:07 am
I love both of your answers, C & D…
Likewise, I feel it in my body.
I have just made the decision to fly on my own professionally, which should feel overwhelming, but it just feels….right.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:21 am
I’ve seriously studied this question for over 30-years. I’m not sure we really ever know for sure. But, there are indications that everyone has a kind of “sweet spot” for feedback of some kind when they’ve intuitively made the right decision. It differs for everyone I think. My immediate feedback for simple decisions is a warm feeling of satisfaction and completion, but for difficult decisions, I usually find a feather.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:23 am
I have to agree..it’s as if everything becomes aligned….confident looking forward not hesitating…
September 16th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Something that was posted in a previous Q&A: “When you are on the right path, the universe reaches up to meet you.”
That’s what it feels like for me. Everything comes together just perfectly.
I have decided to quit my horrible job next month. Logically everything screams that I should wait, especially with what is happening with Lehman Brothers and the economy right now (even more job seekers here in NYC). But it feels so right, I am going to go for it. I have felt a positive change coming for a few months now.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I’m right there with you Sister Libran! Happy birthday early! But lordie,… I can’t decide what to do this year!…
September 16th, 2008 at 7:54 am
I feel my intuition in my “gut”…my stomach either feels relaxed or tight. My intuition and the accompanying feeling have rarely been wrong…sometimes I just forget to listen or get sidetracked by “outside voices” and when reflecting later realized I wasn’t true to myself…lesson learned (more than once)
September 16th, 2008 at 8:18 am
I just have a feeling in my gut…if it’s not the right decision, I feel kinda sick to my stomach. It has taken me a long time to clue into this clear sign. I have tended to overthink things in the past, not trusting my inner voice.
September 16th, 2008 at 8:27 am
well put!
September 16th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Amazing how our bodies tell the truth.
September 16th, 2008 at 8:29 am
I know a decision is right when it feels like every single cell in my body stands up and says “yes!”. Then after the decision has been made I feel a calm current running through me, and my mind finally stops ruminating over all of the details. And I know that all is well.
September 16th, 2008 at 8:30 am
magic indicator resonates for me Melissa, that’s good!
September 16th, 2008 at 8:31 am
See, this is actually a hard one for me to figure out sometimes because my head and heart like to argue…a lot! But recently, I decided to not listen to that little voice and made a “practical” decision. Later that evening, when driving back from a friend’s house, that voice inside of me “yelled” DO NOT DO IT!!! I’d never experienced something like that…but this time I listened. I don’t know what the outcome of that choice is or will be…but I felt a rush of contentment when I made it. So perhaps that’s it for me? I’m guessing I’ll start to figure it out much better in the future.
September 16th, 2008 at 8:32 am
When clarity and peace appear.
September 16th, 2008 at 8:56 am
I know it’s a good choice when it feels right. I’ve made a number of bad decisions and always, they looked good on paper but went against my gut instinct.
September 16th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Ruth, companies are always looking for good employees, regardless of the economy. I was recently looking for a job, and I received a lot of traffic from my resume. Things worked out at my current job where I wound up not having to leave, but I am just saying that to let you know that you will definitely find a job (I always think in the back of my mind, I only need one job — definitely doable!) Good luck on your job search!
September 16th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I can’t say that I get a specific feeling. It just feels right. However, if it doesn’t feel right…trust me I know it. And if it’s really not a good decision my gut tells me by making me feel really sick. Fortunately this doesn’t happen often. But when it does I know I have to walk away.
September 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I love that concept of Zen sparks.
I do Zen cleaning until all is clean in a certain area and I feel the serenity. In other words, when the pillows calling out, “Please straighten me up!”
September 16th, 2008 at 9:57 am
It feels good, like a deep breath, and I don’t fret about it anymore.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I read somewhere that when you have a decision to make and can’t decide – flip a coin. If you cringe when the coin is flipped towards a particular choice – then you know to elimate that one.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Thank you, Cindy. Yes, I see the whole thing as something positive. I am so excited.
)
And re: the economy. What goes down must come back up. So we have good times ahead of us. (might take a little while, but good times anyway.)
Besides all the other reasons I have for quitting, this job just doesn’t match my style statement. So I really have to leave
September 16th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I was raised with mantras like “safety first”, “think before you act”, “you can’t trust everyone”, so when faced with big decisions, I usually err on the side of caution. A lot of times, the right decision for me is the one that challenges these old beliefs and forces me to step out of the safety zone.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:58 am
When it aligns with and helps to benefit my personal, familial, cultural, communal, spiritual, global values…and does no harm to myself or others (directly or indirectly). It is sometimes hard for me to make the “Right” decision…..when there is one I “feel” is right now…but may not align w my Goals in my future!
I may want something….but do I need it….which decision do I make?
September 16th, 2008 at 11:52 am
A decision is the right one when you can stand behind it with good intention. If you end up being wrong you gain experience and hopefully learn. I think the point to a lot of things in life is not knowing what is always right, but how to eventually be able to figure it out.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Ahhh! Librians. Their art gallery minds have at least 2 large galleries full of the loveliest things. and then there the museum shop too.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Two more beautiful new borns. Welcome to your new world and yes some decisions do get easier
September 16th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Unlike Carrie and Danielle, my making decisions is never as clear nor quiet nor finished. I make decisions that leave wiggle room because I know how quickly things can change and how I need to be flexible.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
People like you need to run the country.
Some ghastly wars have happened because some politician felt it was the right thing do do.
What is right for an individual now may very well be wrong for their children and their husband and in reality themselves in the long term.
The Aids epidemic spread because of a series of decsions all of which felt right and good at the time.
When a decsion is made intuitivly (and I have great faith in intuition) the quality of the outworking of that decsion will be affected by the character of the individual making it and at least as important the circumstances in which the decision was made.
Think about the Titanic.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
connie look at my posting 2 above yours
September 16th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
This is a difficult question for me because stepping out of my comfort zone goes against my intuition. For instance, I recently went sky diving…everything inside me screamed “NO!” But Girl-Woman made a good point about Zen; when heart meets logical mind and everything is balanced, I know I can go ahead.
September 16th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
when the decision that you made and all that would go along with it falls into place.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I once read that when you have a decision to make that is difficult, consider if it will matter in 5 days, 5 months and 5 years. Sometime, when I get that “fear” that Linda mentioned as coming with a growth decision, its because the comfortable decision is for now, but the challenging one is the one i’ll be greatful for in 5 years time.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
when I come to the right decision I can breath really easily.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Oh, Jennifer, you have it exactly right! I love Danielle’s metaphor, but you have hit it exactly on the head about how it works for us Librans. So many lovely things to choose from. So many good choices that THE good choice seems terribly elusive.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
It’s a plethora of things… clear mind, strong gut feeling, calm, ease, intuition feels energized, things seem to be just so.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Thank you, Dena! I was reading the long list of wonderful responses feeling envious of all these people who have an answer. I don’t know when a decision is right until after I’ve made it and it turns out okay. Sometimes it seems to turn out “wrong” but then shows itself to be positive in some way. But I know my answer today is colored by the fact that I am struggling with the aftermath of a decision that seemed so right at the time, but now has taken a turn for the maybe-I-shouldn’t-have. The thing I have to hold on to is faith that, whatever the decision, something good will come out of it. I don’t decide based on intuition (wish I did). I make my choices in faith.
September 16th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I’ve done this and it really does work. Your reaction to how that coin lands speaks volumes
September 16th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Tamara, The gift that the universe gives us is learning. And also how hard it is for us to simply say I’m sorry. Forgiving ourselves is big grown up stuff too.
I gain great comfort in knowing that for some significant decisions are just the biggest struggle. Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemene comes to mind. All his so human guts were telling him to walk away and he did not
September 16th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Zen sparks? How gorgeous!
September 16th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Feminine Creative and Genuine Spirited? You sound like an amazing pair of friends! That’s magnificent. It must’ve been a memorable evening.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
This reminds me of a conversation I remember occurring on Q&A about how your heart can still skip a beat after years of marriage. Being in tune is so very important.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Oh, Keiko, that’s SO true! Often the biggest, most personally “scary” choice is the best one. Not necessarily stupid, but amazing and frightening in the sense that it puts your soul right out there. Very Style Statement.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Jennifer, are you a Bold? You’ve really got a brilliant way of getting to the point.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
That’s beautiful. I’m tempted to hear what you’ve gathered about other starsigns…
September 16th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I believe Edward de Bono has some interesting things to say about differing ways of getting to decisions.
And I am remeinded about a quite old bit of Beyond the Fringe in the days when all out Thermo nucelar war seemed to be possible. Goes like this
Interviewer: How is the decision made? (To press the button unleashing the bombs)
Answer: We ask Mr McMillan (The then Brit PM)
Interviewer: What if Mr Mc Millan isn’t available?
Answer: Oh that quite simple We ask Lady Dorothy (PMs wife) and she says Yes or No as the mood takes her.
I guess my decsions only affect a very few people and my credit card.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Ahhh! Congratulations. Always good to have another set of ears involved in crafting your Style Statement.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
well here’s a semi-confession…I KNOW when a decision is right and I’m clearly clear on that feeling, but I am really comfortable changing my mind – not often, I tend to stick to my word. But I’m always thinking, “it’s it’s NOT right…I’ll try something else.”
September 16th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
you’re pointing to a great distinction: physical, primal fear and over riding it. I just got back from Hawaii where I jumped off a 20 foot cliff into a waterfall pool (I’m in AWE of you sky divers – I’m never, ever going skydiving.) It was a major deal for me because, really, I’m a feline and cats are bad swimmers. My muscles were freaked…but I still felt that quietness that said, “you’re going to live.” I also did a fire walk once. Same thing.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I breathe deeply when I experience ‘the right choice’. Even when it is a difficult one, I have a moment of peace that touces my soul. It is a snapshot of the path I am on at the moment.
September 21st, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I have a feeling of contentment, comfort, and peace. It takes me awhile to “know” but the big things in life need time to throw in all the ingredients, stir them up, and come out with the best decision and live with it. A wrong decision still makes me restless, curious, and unsettled.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:53 am
I feel peaceful. There is no more debate and chatter in my head. Just because it is a right decision does not make it easy. It takes time. It takes faith and courage to stick to it.