Your best friend just came out to you. No, she’s not gay. She doesn’t have a terminal illness either. It’s much worse than that—she’s decided to go vegetarian!

Oh, the agony of losing a fellow carnivore…! These veggie-freaks are everywhere nowadays! You keep hearing about these people who eat a plant-based diet excluding meat, poultry, and fish at your workplace and on the news. They say there are hundreds of thousands of them in America, and millions worldwide! And now the craze has hit your love life and it’s thrown your perfectly carnivorous world into tumult.

But fear not, dear meat lover! I’ve got your back and I’m here to walk you through the loss and confusion that is losing a fellow carnivore to “the other side”.

The 7 Stages of Dealing with a Vegetarian

Stage One: Shock: What? Huh? You thought she liked steak… Why is she doing this to you? It used to be fun hanging with her. You’d follow up a night of dancing with some classic drunk food – hot dogs, burgers, tacos. You’d treat yourselves to a classy dinner on a Friday night, clinking glasses over two plates of filet mignon, toasting a well-earned meal after a hard week. And now she’s not having it. She’s all picky about what she’s willing to eat – she even asked the waiter what the base of the soup was! What gives?

How to cope: Here’s the lowdown: Unlike other diets, vegetarianism isn’t taken on after a nausea-inducing step on a scale. She’s probably thought it out and done some research. Vegetarians tend to base their decision to go meatless on three main grounds: moral (animal rights), environmental (many consider eating meat to be unsustainable for the planet), or health (she wants to avoid getting high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, etc.). See? Those are some serious reasons—and plenty of fuel to get her reading labels and asking questions, so get used to that!

Stage Two: Denial: “Sure, she’s vegetarian now, but just wait until the next Fourth of July BBQ or office luncheon rolls around. We’ll see then,” you smugly mutter to your buddies, sharing a laugh at her goody-good expense.

How to cope: Understand that your girl has made a serious decision—one she probably didn’t come upon lightly. Unlike that fad celebrity diet she undertook last spring, don’t be surprised if this one sticks, especially if there are moral convictions behind it.

Stage Three: Bargaining: “You don’t know what you’re missing!” you sing, waving a chicken wing in her direction. You figure if you plug the taste factor enough, she’ll cave.

How to cope: Really? She doesn’t know what she’s missing? She spent how many decades eating meat and suddenly, this one chicken wing is so amazing she’ll forever regret passing it up? Give it up, girlfriend. Your efforts are fruitless—and meatless, for her. Most people react to cajoling by pulling back further. Don’t be a cajoler.

Stage Four: Guilt: Sigh. Okay, so it’s been a few weeks and she’s not letting up with this thing. You’ve asked her a few questions and you don’t like the sound of the answers—especially while you’re eating: confinement in cages, chickens being plucked alive, disease, broken bodies, world hunger. Do you have to feel guilty every time you eat?

How to cope: No, you don’t have to feel guilty when you eat. But, a vegetarian might advise you to go with that guilt and see where it takes you—should the food you eat really make you feel bad? Is it your girlfriend making you feel guilty, or the meat? If confronting “meat guilt” itself is uncomfortable for you right now, then simply don’t ask any more questions until you’re ready for the answers. And anyway, your better half could probably use a break—she might be exhausted after living through an endless barrage of questions, joking, and possible staring. She’s used to everyone else’s meat-eating ways by now; she knows she’s a veggie-freak in a meat-lover’s world. You’re not the only one eating meat in front of her.

Stage Five: Anger: She’s dropped a few pounds. Well, that’s nice. So maybe this vegetarianism thing is healthier. She even seems happier sometimes. But come on, isn’t the charade over yet? Aren’t diets temporary? And quite honestly, you thought she looked just fine before. Besides, you’re tired of making concessions for her, thinking about what she’s going to eat at the potluck and where you can go to dinner. Frankly, it’s annoying. You might even have criticized her hypocrisy by pointing out her leather shoes, and the fact that there are probably bugs hitting her windshield every time she drives to work. Nice.

How to cope: First of all, don’t take things so personally! She’s not doing it to annoy you. Ask yourself this: would you be this upset over accommodating a friend with diabetes or high cholesterol? Probably not. Unless she’s a really picky eater, most restaurants—even down-home southern-style spots—offer options for vegetarians. Just make sure to check the “heart healthy” or “light” section of the menu. And remember, she’s a big girl, figuratively speaking of course, and can figure out what to eat on her own, so don’t knock yourself out worrying about it too much—although you will definitely score some of those coveted “good friend” points for your interest and consideration.

On the flip side, you might have a live one on your hands—a militant vegetarian spouting gruesome facts about the seemingly innocuous food in your refrigerator. If that’s the case, have a talk with her. Tell her you’re glad she’s so passionate about something, but that she’s making you uncomfortable.

Stage Six: Depression: You want your old friend back. You know, the one who didn’t have such strong opinions and the one who didn’t voice those strong opinions at every single meal. The one who chowed down on your secret chili recipe. And now that woman is gone forever, replaced by this boring lady who eats salads all the time.

How to cope: Don’t despair! You may not have noticed, but your bestest is there for you just like she always was. The rituals themselves can stay the same, only the food has to change—Saturday night can easily become frozen pizza night, or pita bread and hummus night. There are meat substitutes for most anything these days; she could switch to that while you stick with the fish sticks. As for that secret chili recipe? Be a good friend and try a vegetarian version of your special recipe. After all, what’s friendship without compromise?

Stage Seven: Acceptance and Hope: You’ve gone through thick and thin with your girl—and you might even have seen her go from thick to thin, if she’s doing the diet right and eating healthfully. The two of you have been through a lot. Now that you’ve gotten into a routine, you have a couple of new favorite restaurants that you can both enjoy. You have a good hold on what she is and isn’t willing to eat, and the accommodation that you used to struggle with is now a snap. And, bonus—you’re eating healthier too!

The most important thing to remember as you cope with your friend’s decision to go vegetarian is to talk with her. Let her know what’s up—share your feelings about her lifestyle choice and any health concerns you have. Ask her how she’s getting her protein and iron—that’ll make her think you’re really in her corner. But don’t be surprised if you’re faced with some health concerns she has about your diet. She might ask you how you’re getting your vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, folic acid and fiber. Be prepared to engage in dialogue about this sort of thing (because it will come up), and remember, no one’s diet is perfect 100 percent of the time.

The best thing you two can do for each other is to be supportive and accepting of each other. Yes, we can all really just get along.

[Photo from ||!prliignore1||]