Could You Be Happy Either Way?: Letting Go of Getting What You Want
What if your happiness does not depend on getting what you want?
This is a radical notion, so it bears repeating:
What… if… your happiness does not depend on getting what you want?
Speaking for both Carrie and myself, I can tell you, we are in constant pursuit of what we want. We are greatly defined by our ambitions. We want what we want – with a passion. So when I heard this question from Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, it cracked something open in me. I was listening to her audio CD, True Happiness, while cruising to the studio one morning. And before I got out of the car, I had to just sit.
I closed my eyes and asked this question of my cells, my heart, my self: What if my happiness does not depend on getting what I want? I had to repeat it a few times – my head could hardly get around the concept. I envisioned all of the things I’m craving, chasing, and working for. I let them falter and dissolve from my grip – my ever-striving grip. My heart winced. I had to take a deep breath. And then I perceived the warmth of relief approaching. A stillness, like I imagine the way the Milky Way feels.
Beneath what I want, my happiness is still here – depending on me.
- Danielle
THIS WEEK: Close your eyes. Ask yourself: What if my happiness does not depend on getting what I want? Consider despair. Consider rapture. Consider simple sweetness. Consider that you can cultivate true, solid, unshakable happiness. As many great teachers say, “Happiness is your birthright.” We’re not talking about heel-clicking, elfish glee in the face of tragedy and hardship. We’re talking about nurturing the small, daily delights into a reserve of sweetness that you can taste and serve at all times – no matter what.
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September 25th, 2008 at 6:02 am
Beautifully stated, Danielle. I sometimes remind myself that adjusting my expectations and letting go to see how it feels creates the space for acceptance, contentment and yes, happiness.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Wow…without even knowing it, I faced this and found that not only was my happiness still there, but it was richer and deeper when I LET GO and stopped trying to control my life into what I “wanted”. Beautiful, really.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Thanks for that reminder Danielle. What drives me batty is how I so often forget it! So true…
September 25th, 2008 at 8:13 am
yes, I think one could call that…grace.
xo
D
September 25th, 2008 at 8:20 am
For me, I think this manifests as being fully present in the moment. Not in the past and not in the future. Rather to allow myself to experience everything as it unfolds, without judgment, and just Be.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:50 am
At first I was feeling so virtuous thinking, I am not really that into wanting “stuff” so of course I can connect to that happiness. But then I realized how many “ethereal” things I want- I want peace and calm, I want space, I want to see my chidlren grow up…And could I let go of those things and still be happy? Wow, feels like there are some hard places to look. Thanks for the question!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
This actually makes a lot of sense to me – it seems that happiness is not affected much by what you have or get. People seem to have a personal happiness level that they return to again and again. I have a friend who is REALLY GOOD at getting what she wants. She's also really good at griping, and I'm constantly amazed that, no matter what amazement falls in her lap, she quickly finds something new to gripe about.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:33 am
I felt the same way re: hard places to look. Good 'n hard.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I wonder if willfulness and complaining are related. I'm going to ruminate on that one. (So nice to see your picture!)
September 25th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
thank you for that. I will try to ask myself this everyday especially during times when I feel my life is chaotic.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
thank you Danielle for giving me permission, in a way, to consider my despair. There is despair when leaving an old way of thinking and coming forward to the way I know and yet forget, the best way…the letting go way. Beautiful.