“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”

Of all the laws of Physics I learned way back in school, Newton’s third law remains etched in my memory. (All the others are too complicated!) However, its implications go out the window when it comes to the not so physical aspects of life, like emotions and feelings. We often take our actions very seriously. While it’s true that our actions determine how far we go, it is in fact our reactions that determine who we are.

And in life, one of the most difficult things to learn is to react to situations in a manner that contributes to our well-being and reflects who we are.

Understand, Then Choose Your Reactions

It’s impossible to prepare ourselves for every kind of situation. We understand ourselves better by observing how we, as well as others, react to certain situations. Anger, for example, is one of the most common unnecessary, even harmful, reactions. In most cases, losing our temper hurts our well-being and hinders our relationships. Remember – anger is never an action. It is a reaction. To something or someone.

Even if somebody’s action drives us crazy, we can still choose not to react with anger. To keep our temper in check, we have to start by understanding what makes us so mad and why. Is there some way we can try to be less angry about something? What kinds of situations raise our temper and how can we handle them better? Do we honk at a slow car? Get angry at kids for spilling stuff? Or at ourselves for making a stupid mistake? Making note of the situations that evoke a certain reaction in us and understanding whether they really warrant that reaction is the first step towards choosing our reactions.

Controlling Vs Choosing Reactions

Not all inappropriate reactions are necessarily harmful, but learning to be in control of our reactions is important.

I am amazed by how different people react to the same situation. Be it a crisis, a victory, a disappointing moment – there are those of us who are impacted by it a great deal and those who simply seem to shrug it off. Clearly, it’s not what happens that determines our strength and personality, but how we choose to respond.

When we simply try to control our reactions, we end up with pent-up feelings that are bound to emerge sooner or later with greater force. But when we consciously choose to react and respond to a situation in a positive manner, it not only empowers us, but sets us free. We learn to let it go. And that is when we are truly in control of our reactions.

This isn’t to say that we stay passive when something affects us. Being complacent is never a solution, but neither is blowing our top. The key is finding that middle ground where we respond and communicate what we feel, but in a calm, composed, positive manner, with no room for agitation or impulsive behavior.

I know for a fact that it’s probably going to take me years to reach that balanced state where I can take things in stride, focus on the solution, and conduct myself with perfect composure when I actually feel like tearing my (or someone’s) hair out. Still, it’s never too early to start. I would like my two-year-old daughter to learn the art of thoughtful reaction as a child so she can react better to the situations in her life, growing up.

Wake Up Call – My Daughter, My Reaction Reflector

It’s no secret — kids watch and learn from grown-ups. One would think that this knowledge alone would be enough for us to try to rectify our mistakes early on. Who wants to raise kids who yell, curse, hit and cry at the drop of a hat?

My daughter watches everything I do and say so keenly and imitates every word and action so well, that I have become extremely aware of my language and habits. I am so conscious of the way I respond to an annoying telemarketer over the phone or an irresponsible driver, that I realize when I choose my reactions, I am a different person. More polite. More understanding. Far more patient. And what a wake-up call that is for me! Not that I’m rude or discourteous otherwise, but, there are everyday situations that can test the most patient of us.

Because I watch myself around my daughter, I now realize that by giving in to my temper, I let the situation take control of my reactions, and ultimately, take control of me.

With any luck, my daughter won’t have to wait this long to start choosing her reactions, and hopefully, after reading this article, neither will you!

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