Almost everyone these days has a friend or loved one who is diabetic. Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly how to be supportive and what to say. If you are dating a diabetic (or even just friendly with one), here are a few guidelines that might ease the tough conversations and situations as well as help you raise your compassion quotient for the sweetie in your life.

One Type or 2? Getting to know your Diabetic

Before we continue, let me just say that some diabetics are extremely sensitive about talking about their chronic disease. Depending on the day, I sometimes find it extremely annoying when people ask me if my blood sugar is “under control”. It seems like it would be akin to asking an HIV positive friend if their T cell count is “under control”. It’s not something that you can always be in control of. Your body does what it does, mostly without consulting you. And often it’s depressing to have to talk about your disease because it is, after all, a disease and sometimes you just want to forget about it.

What’s important is if the diabetic in your life wants to talk, you’re there to listen and be supportive. Ask the diabetic in your life if they feel comfortable talking about it with you and be understanding if they don’t want to. However, make sure you acquaint yourself with the type of diabetic your sweetie is. There’s a big difference between type 1 and type 2 in terms of medication and severity of health issues. Even if your friend doesn’t want to go into detail about their medical history with you on the first date, you at least have an idea of what they deal with on a daily basis.

Here’s where to find the basics about diabetes: Diabetes.org. You might also want to check out Dlife.com. You should know what can happen during a sugar low, and ultimately be able to sense when one is occurring because your diabetic might not be able to tell you when it’s happening.

What Not To Say or Do to a Diabetic (Cause You Might Get Hurt)

Never sit in front of a diabetic eating sweets and say, “Sorry, I know you can’t have this but I’m going to eat it anyway.”

Never eat sweets in front of a diabetic while waving it in their face saying: “I know you want it!” or “You can’t have this!”

When cooking for a diabetic, be mindful about what you put into foods and let them know about it. Don’t say: “Can you eat this?” because most likely they can’t but will adjust their medications. Just try to keep count of the carbs and sugars you use and let them know so they can act accordingly.

Don’t make fun of what a diabetic eats. Or the way they eat. I once had very low blood sugar (symptoms include sweating, shaking, babbling, mood swings and in the worse cases, fainting and comas) and practically swallowed an entire fruit roll-up, barely taking off the plastic. It happens.

Don’t hold a diabetic accountable for what they say during blood sugar lows. Remember that scene in Steel Magnolias when Julia Roberts is getting her hair done for the wedding and freaks out on Sally Field (it’s admittedly an unrealistic example but it’s the only one I got!)? I often get weepy or unexplainably angry when I have low blood sugar. Think of how you feel when you haven’t eaten all day then times it by 200. Of course, never take emotional abuse, but give ‘em a glass of orange juice before walking out the door.

Alternately, just because your diabetic is irritable or sad don’t raise your eyebrow and say, “Maybe you should check your blood sugar”. A man should never ask his girlfriend if she has PMS just because she’s pissed he didn’t pick up his socks for the 392nd time. You’ll probably get the same reaction.

Try not to change plans at the last minute. Diabetics usually must eat at certain times and it’s especially hard when they must plan medicines accordingly. One spontaneous boyfriend I had used to always want to “just stop here” or “run an errand there” before we would eat, causing me to have sugar lows or highs. It wasn’t fun.

Don’t panic when a sugar low hits. It just makes things worse.

Never, EVER blame a diabetic for their condition. Don’t say: “If you’d just exercise…” or “If you’d just eat better…”. This isn’t a situation that can be solved with anything that starts with “just”. I’m not saying that you should condone bad habits, but it’s more complicated than you think.

What You SHOULD Say and Do For a Diabetic

The phrase “What can I do to help?” is always welcome.

Be ready for your sweetie to have occasional sugar lows during sex. I had a lover who liked to feed me organic dark chocolate at just the right moment(s)…

Be vigilant about your own health. Nothing is sexier or more supportive than someone who takes care of themselves. So eat a salad instead of bread. Eat an apple instead of chocolate cake. Invite your sweetie to participate in your own exercise routine, or better yet, start a new one together.

Not that you have to be responsible for your sugar pie’s sugar levels, but finding out and keeping their “upper” of choice (glucose tablets, orange juice, granola bars, etc) in your house or bag for an emergency is the ultimate gesture.

Learn patience. Sometimes when blood sugar is high, diabetics can get headaches and become lethargic. When blood sugar is low, diabetics might have to pull over for a snack instead of racing off to the show. At some point you’ll probably find yourself having to slow down at bit or wait it out with them.

Develop good listening skills. No matter who you date or befriend, being able to listen without judgment or feeling compelled to put in your own two cents is priceless.

Encourage your honey to seek out diabetic support groups and maybe even go to one yourself. There’ll always be a time when the only person who can really understand diabetes is another diabetic.

Be open to the diabetic lifestyle. Sure, we have some issues and have to do things differently than the non-diabetic, but we’re worth it!

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