0

Comments

Parents who live far from family and friends, single parents and parents of special needs children all share something in common: the danger of isolation. Isolation is an overwhelming sense of loneliness stemming from having a situation different from the “normal” family. Isolation is dangerous because it can lead to feelings of depression or even resentment, neither of which are very healthy states to be in. I understand because not only do I live far away from family, I’m also a Mom of a beautiful girl named Jaimie with special needs.

I had to learn how to be my own person, fighting that isolation, so that I could be the best mom I could be to all of my children, including Jaimie. Here are a few important ways I learned to fight isolation and stay strong:

Get Rid of the Guilt

Easier said than done, I know. The truth is as parents – especially Mummies – we are predisposed to guilt. We’ve always been there to do everything for them and it’s hard not to feel a twinge of guilt when we have a chance to get away on our own for awhile.

Parenting Without Guilt

But guilt is the number one thing holding us back from enjoying our well-deserved “Me Time.” Those of us with special needs children or who are single parents seem to have an extra layer of guilt we wear. After all, who else is going to care for our children? Single parents can find activities offering child care or reach out to a community-based program with child care offerings. Parents of special needs children have access to child care through many therapy programs and other parents with similar children may be willing to take turns with child care duties.

Take Baby Steps

Start with leaving for only a little while for a short walk or trip to the store. Then gradually work up from there. I’ve only gone out on my own three times since Jaimie was born—six years ago! But I’m getting better each time. And it’s been a way to have Jaimie let Daddy care for her once in awhile, which she only recently tolerated. You deserve that time alone…enjoy it! Even if you have to tell yourself that the entire time.

Find Your Place

By this I mean find a place out of the house to gather your thoughts. Whether it’s a yoga class once a week or running out to the coffee shop down the block, get out and be away from Ground Parent for just a little while at least once every couple of weeks. It’s okay…really! Parents need to get away from the demands of their little ones to regroup and come back fresh. And it doesn’t hurt the kids to have another trusted person care for them. It will teach them you go out but always come back, that they can allow other people to do things for them and, if applicable, it’s okay to bond with the other parent or caregiver.

Surround Yourself With Understanding

Especially in the case of parents of special needs children or single parents, it’s essential to find other people who are in the same situation. Having a solid support group of understanding family and friends is fantastic but they can’t truly understand the dynamics of your situation unless they live it.

Check out your local community options and join a support group. For parents with special needs children, therapists often have such groups available within their clinic offerings. For single parents, most local churches, doctor’s offices and/or community centers have connections for you. If there isn’t a support group, create one! You don’t need much to start, just a few people with a similar situation and a place to meet.

Ask for Help

As a fiercely independent woman, this one was very difficult for me to learn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for assistance once in awhile. It isn’t a sign of weakness and you aren’t saying you can’t do it; only that you need a little boost. For those of us with special needs children or are single parents and used to going at it alone, accept help when it’s available. It’s a nice feeling to know you aren’t alone and that people are genuinely, unselfishly willing to give you a helping hand.

Practice Something You Love

For me, it’s writing and music. For you, it may be swimming, art, poetry, reading or making things with clay. Find that one thing you are most passionate about and practice it once a day or week—whatever you have time for.

Rediscover Passion in Life

It’s important for us to keep hold of what we’re passionate about so we don’t lose ourselves in being “just a parent.” Resentment can set in when we lose our passion for life. So keep those passions close to your heart—right next to your little one’s faces.

It’s just too easy to fall out of life’s race and be alone. Don’t give in. And if you need another source to keep you going, look at your children. In my case, I just look at my little Jaimie who uses every ounce of courage she has just to get out of bed and face what her environment has in store for her. If that’s not inspiration to keep fighting, I don’t know what is! Enjoy life!

Photo by: Unhindered Talent