http://flickr.com/photos/tinyfroglet/1470908561/

The definition of “foreplay” tends to be gender-biased. Women focus on emotional desire and the relationship, while men prefer facts and techniques they can use for mutual pleasure. Much of the advice available on foreplay deals with the actions immediately leading up to sex, including kissing, touching, and taking off clothes. Caring men understand the concept and find mentors to give ideas for how to make the experience special.

Turning On a Man . . .

What turns a man on? Men are naturally physical. Letting him watch you dress or undress or just showing up naked immediately revs him for sex. He’ll love it if you try something different or creative, especially in a new location. He wants feedback so he can be sure he’s making you feel good. He wants to hear you moan, scream, and tell him “Yes, that feels great!”

. . . and a Woman

What turns a woman on? Taking the time to let her prepare for sex can make it more exciting . . . though for others, hard and fast with no preparation works in the right moment. But even in that instance, she’s likely already primed for sex from flirtation or mutual anticipation.

Women tend to focus on emotions, and that means foreplay starts long before the dive into physical contact. The entire experience begins with anticipation and thoughtful acts to enhance the mood. Some couples schedule intimacy for just this reason–to help build the excitement and prepare for sex. The experience often begins with non-sexual contact long before reaching the bedroom by holding hands, hugging, and giving a kiss on the cheek.

Build It Up

To take advantage of building anticipation for physical intimacy and improving the quality of the experience, start early in the day by letting her know you think she’s beautiful, helping out with chores, freeing up time for her to relax, or giving a shoulder massage. These are all great suggestions because they don’t equal an instant expectation for sex, and they’re sensitive to work schedules and responsibilities.

In addition to removing distractions that will lead her to think about other responsibilities (temporarily turning off baby monitors, putting away laundry, setting the dishes in the dishwasher, etc.), center special attention on relationship themes of communicating, connecting, and pampering.

Communicate that you care. Ask about the other person’s day, and listen with compassion.

Connect in little ways throughout the day. Touch base with a quick phone call, e-mail, or text message to let the person you love know that you are thinking about him or her. When you’re together, make eye contact; the eyes give clues to emotions and current feelings. Share chores. That may not be the most fun part of the day, but working together is an additional level of intimacy.

Set the Mood

Pamper each other by thinking about comfort. Yes, women love flowers and gifts, but they also love setting the mood for romance with appropriate lighting, scented candles, or incense. Bring home dinner so that neither of you has to cook–unless you want to, of course.

Starting early in the day enhances the emotional intimacy before sex. When the mood is set, a couple is drawn closer together through a joint goal of enhanced pleasure. Just take a little extra time, and see for yourself that the sex is hotter!

I’ve Changed. Do You Still Love Me?
by Lyn Michaud

Change especially in external appearance is scary because what I’m used to is no longer comfortable or safe. Embracing change means developing a new way of viewing the world though the possibility of failure can make changes feel devastating.

Relationships grow and change, but sometimes it seems that maintaining the body and image of when we meet or fall in love is an unspoken part of the contract though we know that over the years people change. To regain or keep the euphoria of youth we are willing to dye our hair, get collagen injections, take supplements, exercise and go on a diet.

Weight gain can result from a variety of circumstances not just laziness or letting ourselves go. For me the combination of sedentary job and side effects of medication made me gain weight. I hated my new body except for the expanded bust measurement. Even though the weight gain bothered me, my husband barely noticed.

He didn’t comment about the changes at all. But other people did (mostly women) and their judgments were rude, inappropriate and often followed by advice for losing weight, exercising more and warnings that my husband would lose interest. I hoped their comments indicated their personal insecurities. They made me feel insecure about my relationship. Communication has always been our strong point, so I brought up my weight gain and appearance.

My husband gave me a generic supportive answer. “Honey I love you no matter what you look like.”

He insisted how I look doesn’t affect how he feels about me. Instead of believing his words exactly as he meant them, I interpreted the negative aspect. I thought he must think I don’t look my best and wasn’t the same external woman he fell in love with, but he would make the sacrifice of loving me anyway. I was critical of my new appearance because I didn’t want him to have to settle for ‘the new me’ when I could change my life to be a new and improved model of my former slim and fit self.

I didn’t look for excuses, I took action. I saw my weight gain as a problem not just of how I looked but how I felt. The external look might attract attention, but what I really missed was being fit, having good lung capacity and able to exercise without getting winded and having the strength and energy to participate in my favorite sports. My additional weight meant I didn’t fit into my gear make sure the safety equipment met my needs and that my balance center of gravity didn’t cause me extra effort.

When I make a decision I create a plan of action I will stick with and that meant losing weight would be the side-effect of returning to a higher fitness level. I confused my husband with the goal. He thought I was just trying to lose weight and why wouldn’t he, that’s what the media trained him to think. He started by giving me a compliment. “You look great. I support you if this is what you want.”

I noticed changes soon after I requested a medication change and incorporated a daily fitness plan with lots of walking. I commuted to work on my feet and the bonus was improved mood when I arrived and stress relief when I got home. My increasing confidence translated to additional happiness in my relationship. My husband remained supportive, but he still didn’t comment about my size.

He offered to act as my coach. We spent more time together. His physical abilities are different from mine so while I ran, he rode his bike alongside me and kept his eye on the stopwatch and distance.

“I’m getting older and I want to look great for you too.” Only then did I realize men can be susceptible to similar doubts and fears that I felt about my weight gain.

My size has returned to what I was when we married and I’m more secure in my relationship for a different reason. Relationships are constantly growing and changing as people grow and change. The secret my husband and I learned is deciding to change together because that is what loving commitment means. My ultimate goal now is to run the six minute mile that I was able to achieve in high school. I’m confident my husband will be right beside me urging me to triumph.

THE END

http://carrieanddanielle.com/6-tips-for-living-with-a-perfectionist/
http://carrieanddanielle.com/start-living-again-weighing-in-part-two/
http://carrieanddanielle.com/motivating-yourself-to-exercise/

My everyday personality results from the Shakespearean truth of every person merely being a player on the stage of life. Wardrobe is the key factor to creating the soul of my character and the ability to remain in character. My husband has seven similar shirts, ditto for slacks, jeans and the appropriate coats and underwear and he doesn’t understand my closet full of costumes.

You want to connect with the person you love, right? Of course. Sure, you could tell that person how you feel, but a more creative way to share your thoughts is through unspoken communication. Love notes are a simple and meaningful way to bring romance to your relationship. You don’t have to be a poet who sends elaborate letters telling a lover how beautiful she is or how wonderful his accomplishments are–a note can be so much simpler than that.

A Pick-Me-Up

A love note can be as easy as a lipstick kiss on the bathroom mirror with an “I love you” scribbled beside it, a sticky note with a few special words, or even a text message. If you doubt that a text message could ever be romantic, I can assure you there is nothing better for boosting my mood during the day than receiving virtual roses or a short message on my phone that says my honey is thinking of me.

To show him I’m thinking of him, too, I’ve cut out hearts from construction paper and written messages inspired by candy hearts from Valentine’s Day. I’m yours. You’re my fantasy. #1 lover. Then I tucked them in pockets, in his briefcase, in his lunch bag, or attached to his keychain for him to find throughout the day.

Even the best recipes benefit from adding a favorite spice. Intimacy is about more than the physical act of sex–it also includes a strong emotional connection with another person.

Emotional intimacy brings you closer to the person you love and allows you to feel safe enough to explore fantasies together. Loving exploration within the safety of a committed relationship requires a certain level of trust. Once you’ve established that type of trust with another person, you’re free to explore the extent of those possibilities without feeling kinky.

Use Your Senses

Each person has individual preferences for what feels good. In Sex on the Brain, Daniel G. Amen, M.D., indicates that some people prefer routine to feel safe with intimate acts, while others need and grow with variation and novel experiences. One simple way to add spice to intimacy is by engaging all five senses–especially smell. Research suggests men respond to lavender and pumpkin spice. Women respond to baby powder and baking bread.

Know Your Limits

When experimenting with new techniques and accessories, you should know your personal boundaries and communicate them to your partner. Once you have agreed to the parameters for your play, make certain to have a safe word to let the other person know you feel uncomfortable and should stop. That is not to say you won’t feel some heart-thumping excitement and maybe a little trepidation over trying something new, but you will know the difference between what feels good and what creates a feeling of discomfort.

Adding spice to intimacy is based on taste. You can start out with a little and then add more as you desire. In addition to learning new tips from how-to examples like the Kama Sutra, tantric techniques, or educational videos, you can explore other options.

It’s no secret–regular gift-giving and little surprises make lovers feel special. Men and women might define “gifts” differently, though they will both likely agree that gifts bring bliss to a relationship. Communication and being in touch with each other’s feelings are the essential elements of everyday gift-giving. Save the jewelry and flowers for special occasions–everyday gifts are more about intimate moments. Think love notes or text messages with little poems.

Yummy, Edible Gifts

Thoughtful gifts don’t have to be expensive or valuable, because it’s the sentiment that matters. Just letting someone know you’re thinking about him makes him feel special. Many people communicate love with food, and sensual treats are all about indulgence, often in the form of sweet goodies that are served in special ways. Try giving miniature candies or chocolate bars on a pillow or tucked into a briefcase to be found later. Ice-cream sundaes served in one bowl with two spoons and breakfast in bed or on the patio are other great edible gift ideas.

It’s the Thought That Counts

Intimate moments are wonderful gifts of the self (espescially when fit into busy schedules) to make a person feel wanted. They’re also easy–to show your love, give a massage or a special look directly in the eyes. Take advantage of everyday situations. Instead of having one person shuffle the kids to activities, perhaps that time can be used as a pseudo-date. Go together to the softball game, hold hands, and cheer.

My husband chose to draw me a bath after I had an especially stressful day. He didn’t settle for sending me into the bathroom to relax. He cleaned the bathroom, set out candles, added bath salts, and had fluffy towels and music ready. While a bath might seem mundane, he put effort into making the experience an indulgent relaxation for me. His thoughtfulness is a gift that could never be purchased, and it comes with practice and understanding.

Your mom always told you not to talk to strangers. She had a good point, but now that you’re older, there’s always a chance that you could benefit from a little networking for business or personal reasons. Giving a stranger a friendly “hello” and a smile often gets you a smile and a greeting back. But walking up to someone and starting a conversation can be as scary as speaking in public, so here are a few simple steps to help you approach and get to know new people.

Be Ready for Surprises

Start with a “hello” and a smile. One of my own chance encounters started with a smile to a man as I went into the library. I said hello and didn’t find out until later that the man hadn’t heard the words because he was deaf, but he read my lips. I was working on research when he approached my table and handed me a note. The note said “Hello,” gave his name, and explained that he was deaf. He tried to hand me a pen to write back to him.

I used my own pen, and we passed paper back and forth for at least 15 minutes. I even tried some of the sign language I’d learned. He told me few people took time to speak with him and wanted to know if he could meet me at the library again just to talk.

Having to travel to work often produces stress and is often seen as a non-productive time. Outside the bigger cities, public transportation may not be available or a viable option, so for many, a commute remains necessary. To relieve strain, there are options drivers can take to be safer and happier.

Leave Ten Minutes Early

This extra time relives the stress caused by slow moving traffic and accidents. If not rushed, drivers make safer decisions and are more likely to use caution. This idea was drilled into me by my father when I first got my license and I’ve never been late to an appointment – though I have left the house without combing my hair or putting on my shoes! Those little tasks can always be completed on arrival at my destination.

Don’t Try To Do It All While Driving

There is no reason to use the cell phone, text, eat, read, bathe, put on makeup or otherwise groom while driving. My husband was a truck driver for many years and saw drivers attempting to use their vehicle as an office, bed and bath and cinema. While we might think we can catch up on other tasks, we may become less productive, slower and certainly more dangerous.

My everyday personality is directly related to the Shakespearean truth of every person merely being a player on the stage of life. Wardrobe is the key factor to creating the soul of my character and the ability to remain in that character. My husband has seven similar shirts, ditto for slacks, jeans and the appropriate coats and underwear…and he doesn’t understand my closet full of costumes.

The reason we ‘re compatible? All the extra space on his side of the closet for me to use. All he cares about is that my body is covered – though he indulges my theory of clothing as a foundation for a projected persona. The pieces of clothing and accessories that have invaded his side of the closet all have specific functions.

Every situation calls for the right style and appropriate protective equipment.

The Little Black Dress

The little black dress is the classic versatile garment; moving with ease between day and evening. The color and fit are precise, stealthily camouflaging what I consider to be figure flaws (and what my husband calls womanly curves) to give me a boost of confidence understood as charisma and confidence. The color allows my character to interact with the elevated elite who buy their suits in the trendiest upscale establishments or keeps me from feeling overdressed and out place when rubbing elbows with wardrobe challenged folks.

I did not expect my heart to be won by a pizza mix. I appreciate the finer ingredients and my favorite meal is gourmet salad served with French bread dipped in olive oil. Eating a dubious cheese pizza prepared from a boxed mix might seem like a traumatic fall, but my heart had other priorities. A man willing to impress me by making an effort in the kitchen was a huge turn-on, especially since he added personal touches.

I admit to a limited history with men who cook. On special occasions, my father grilled on a hibachi, but never prepared side dishes. I learned to eat whatever he made with a side of pre-sliced bread and love it. When I worked as a chef, the owner cooked for his family almost every evening, but knowing that many of the top chefs were men and many of them also were the primary home cooks didn’t register with me at the time. I believed men in general married to gain a cook.

My man’s willingness to serve a chef pizza from a box made him special. He wasn’t trying to compete with me; sharing was his goal. One shared moment led to food samplings, intimacy and commitment. We might not be considered fully compatible, but his strengths complement mine and I am willing to share my private kitchen with him.

While there are no absolutes, there are a few variables for a sensual dinner that should always be considered.

Create That Sensual Meal

Find out or discover the guest’s favorites and definitely ask about food allergies. If a person is interested, the meal will be secondary, but making note and cooking for special preferences and needs shows attentive listening and that translates to wild appreciation. The man who won my heart adapts meals to my vegetarian tastes.

“Parents against the kids!” My daughter’s soccer coach yelled. He beckoned us from the comfort of the bleachers. “Come choose your spot on the field.”

That Saturday morning, I had arrived at the soccer field prepared to cheer for my daughter’s team. The girls warmed up with stretches and practice on the field while they waited the allotted twenty minutes for the other team to arrive. Her team won by forfeit because the other team didn’t show. The coach decided to use the remaining time for practice. He proposed an exhibition game, kids vs. parents. I hesitated. Would it be acceptable to compete against my daughter? What if the parents won? Worse, what if we lost?

Playing Against My Daughter

If I had been quicker onto the field I wouldn’t have ended up in the one position refused by everyone – the goalie. The whistle blew and for three comfortable minutes we had the ball, took it down the field and scored. Their goalie threw the ball back in play. My team stole the ball at midfield and scored again. I felt more confident now, watching the action, alert and ready to fend off any goal attempts.

Suddenly: break away, the kids had the ball. They faked out my teammates and stampeded straight at me. I’m not sure if I raised my arms to block the shot or the move was an involuntary action to protect my face. The ball bounced off my arms. I didn’t know where the ball landed; I just hoped it was far away from me.