Even the best recipes benefit from adding a favorite spice. Intimacy is about more than the physical act of sex–it also includes a strong emotional connection with another person.

Emotional intimacy brings you closer to the person you love and allows you to feel safe enough to explore fantasies together. Loving exploration within the safety of a committed relationship requires a certain level of trust. Once you’ve established that type of trust with another person, you’re free to explore the extent of those possibilities without feeling kinky.

Use Your Senses

Each person has individual preferences for what feels good. In Sex on the Brain, Daniel G. Amen, M.D., indicates that some people prefer routine to feel safe with intimate acts, while others need and grow with variation and novel experiences. One simple way to add spice to intimacy is by engaging all five senses–especially smell. Research suggests men respond to lavender and pumpkin spice. Women respond to baby powder and baking bread.

Know Your Limits

When experimenting with new techniques and accessories, you should know your personal boundaries and communicate them to your partner. Once you have agreed to the parameters for your play, make certain to have a safe word to let the other person know you feel uncomfortable and should stop. That is not to say you won’t feel some heart-thumping excitement and maybe a little trepidation over trying something new, but you will know the difference between what feels good and what creates a feeling of discomfort.

Adding spice to intimacy is based on taste. You can start out with a little and then add more as you desire. In addition to learning new tips from how-to examples like the Kama Sutra, tantric techniques, or educational videos, you can explore other options.

Accoutrements

These are items designed to enhance the physical experience. They include lubricants, massage oils, and textured condoms. Respected and mainstream products can be found at pharmacies and stores in the personal-care section. Those who seek more daring options can find selections at adult or novelty stores and Web sites.

Toys

These are used to heighten pleasure. Toys can be found objects in the home that are used in a unique way, like chocolate sauce or whipped cream for body decoration or neckties for light bondage. Whatever level of additional spice you are seeking, there is sure to be a product made to satisfy your taste. Some of the most commonly used toys are vibrators and dildos, but you can also find toys appropriate for bondage and domination aficionados, such as leather whips and costumes.

Roleplay

Roleplay is fantasy exploration of a relationship, perhaps with a touch of naughtiness that you would normally consider taboo or impossible to achieve. It may include the use of props and costuming. Pretending to be different people may be uncomfortable for some because of the personal issues associated with physical intimacy. Sexologist Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., cautions in Men in Bed that when using toys and fantasy, a couple needs to communicate and work out a level of comfort together.

When you care for the feelings of your lover, you focus on enhancing the other person’s pleasure instead of on performance. Adding spice means building on an already existing relationship to nourish romance and bring you closer together.

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