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I live with a sweet perfectionist, it’s frustrating and beneficial; lot’s gets done, I don’t pick up after him, he has a great sense of responsibility and he built the best split rail fence in the world. However, I feel like there is third person in our marriage and her name is To Do List.

Why do people feel they need to be perfect? Often there is a need for approval or acknowledgment. Mixed with unreasonable expectations always searching to improve and a desire for order. No matter what they accomplish, it’s never enough, the To Do List is never complete.

Tips for Living With a Perfectionist.

1. 95% Rule: Because the last 5% takes 100% more effort, we have come up with a word to align his obsession, I say “95″ – it’s the nudge that tells him he needs to let go. This has changed our relationship!
2. Procrastination: The fear of not being perfect can lead to doing nothing and then beating yourself up. Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.
3. Fun: Perfectionist have a strong work ethic and have trouble letting go. Instead of wishing and hoping to have say, a romantic date, I create it for us. I put it on his to do list!
4. Blessing and challenge: Perfectionism will continue as long as there is a payoff. In Landmark Education it’s called your Winning Formula. Change happens when the cost is bigger than the payoff: life falling apart can be frightening, but possibly the breakthrough that is needed.
5. Enneagram Test: A test that helps discover and shift self defeating behavior into powerful actions. One of Carrie and Danielle’s favorite personality tests.
6. Mantra: We have begun to say this with grace, “True perfection already exists in every moment, and there is nothing that needs to be improved in the eyes of God.”